(Closed) How to handle being embarrassed by husband

posted 6 years ago in Married Life
Post # 17
Member
9095 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Uh, wow. Okay, you went flying off the handle in overreactionville. It wasn’t like he said he spent all his money on blackjack and hookers, and you said you forgave him, but a huge part of forgiveness is letting go. You didn’t forgive him because you didn’t want to see him the next morning? That’s not healthy.<br /><br />Sure, he should have said “No thank you” but he didn’t. Shit happens, let it go and move on. I don’t see why you should have felt embarassed unless you feel like you need to keep up appearances around people, in which case that reflects more on you than him or anyone else.<br /><br />You’re way overdoing this. Just let it go.

Post # 19
Member
6040 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

 

vanessa7:  He didn’t talk about something so personal to strangers. he made a comment in jest. Maybe it was slightly in poor taste but it wasn’t worthy of feeling embarrassed. I feel sorry for you if you care that much what people think of you that you would have still been thinking about this comment for so long after the fact. I also think that there is no mean spirited responses here, only honesty. When you ask a question here, expect to get a response. many responses actually. The simple fact that you think any of these responses are mean shows your level of sensitivity.

I would have just moved on immediately but if I had said anything it would have been “really?! geez man we aren’t poor! lol” and that would have been that. I would hate to see if he really does mess up what the fall out would be like.

Post # 20
Member
157 posts
Blushing bee

In all honesty I would be embarrassed it the funny way. Makes me think of something Chandler from Friends would say. It is not something to truly be embarrassed about…Anyone with common sense would get that he obviously didn’t mean it literaly, I’m sure your friend got that ! Don’t worry and let it go.

Post # 21
Member
1228 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

To have my husband say that at a fancy gala would have deeply embarassed me.  There’s no shame in actually being poor, but he created an awkward and uncomfortable situation.  That said, this is the man you married.  You didn’t marry a suave man with super social skills and you can’t nag a person in to changing.  What can you do? Tell him he hurt your feelings.  Forgive him.  Remember that you have your own faults and he has many excellent qualities.  Move on.         

Post # 22
Member
4426 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I have to agree with your husband that you completely blew this situation out of proportion. Was it the best way to respond? No. It’s hard to know how to respond to a question or comment that throws you off. Your husband admitted that he was just taken aback by the inquiry for money. You may have been embarrased, but to say you couldn’t get out of bed the next day, don’t want to face your friends, and that you’re struggling being attracted to your husband because of this? That seems very dramatic. Let it go. 

Post # 23
Member
2457 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

You definitely overreacted. Shit happens… it’s uncomfortable but hopefully if you talk about it, he’ll try to have more tact in the future. 

Post # 24
Member
437 posts
Helper bee

vanessa7:  My Darling Husband says stupid stuff like this all the time, in an effort to be funny… I just roll my eyes and move on. If it really bothers me, I’ll address it later. Sometimes, I’ll even dish it back right on the spot. However, he never “annoys” me to the point that I don’t want to wake up in the morning or be around him. It sounds like there’s a bigger underlying issue, like lack of attraction in general or something. 

Post # 25
Member
680 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Wow.

Honestly, if my Fiance was put in the same exact situation your husband was put in, he would have responded the same way!

It was a comment he made on the spot, without thoroughly thinking it through.  That’s all!  He wasn’t trying to give anyone an insight on your personal finances!  Stop trying to make this a bigger deal than it is.

He apologized.  For you to be afraid of facing your friends or not being able to get out of bed….well….I certainly hope you don’t have to face more serious issues than this!

And I read through all the comments and there was not one mean spirited one.  I know these were obviously not the responses you wanted to hear, but when you post on a public forum you have to expect not everyone is going to agree with you.

Everyone here is telling you how to handle being “embarressed” by your husband’s comment.  They’re trying to give you constructive criticism by saying this is not something to be this bothered about, that’s all.

Post # 26
Member
3823 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

vanessa7:  men say stupid things. you may be more tactful or you may say something to hurt his feelings in the future. either way, you need to get over it and know he will probably say something crazy again. you can tell him how it made you feel (sounds like you did that already) and hope that he thinks next time before he speaks.

if it makes you feel any better, my husband isn’t american and sometimes takes an idiom or american colloquialism and runs it into the ground while using it out of context. talk about cringe-worthy.

example: i’m pregnant and i will joke around and say “the baby wants some french fries.” he got so used to saying the phrase “throw me under the bus” that he was going around and telling people “she throws our baby under the bus!” like super loud. the look of fear and confusion on people’s faces was almost comical to watch but instead of getting all embarassed about it, i just told him to chill on the reference and without hurting his feelings, i tried to tell him that he was sort of using it ot of context and in an inappropriate way and then i moved on. 

even though you’re married, you can’t control your spouse. he’s his own person. you can either accept him or not. that’s it.

Post # 27
Member
2783 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

TBH, if someone said that I would assume it was a joke…but if their spouse got all weird, then I would feel uncomfortable too. Have you considered that maybe your reaction made things more awkward?

I think you need to give your husband a break. He didn’t have ill intentions, and to hold a slip-up like this against him is very unfair. I doubt your friend has given this a second thought.

Post # 28
Member
459 posts
Helper bee

vanessa7:  I think you know that you over-reacted.  This isn’t a mean spirited community simply because we think you were being ridiculous.  You came here looking for opinions, and you are getting them.  Don’t get preachy because you don’t like what people have to say. 

 

I really believe that you over-reacted.  I think your actions were a bit childish..sulking in bed all day… please.  He is your husband, this will not be the last time that he embarasses you.  Learn to love every part of him (even the ones that get at you) and you will be much better equipped to handle things like this in the future. 

Post # 29
Member
408 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Okay, I think it’s pretty normal for your SO to embarrass the HELL out of you sometimes. My Fiance acts like a little kid whenever we do something fun, and gets a little too loud. But I love him, and even though he embarrasses me sometimes I don’t mind too much. I don’t think you’re overreacting, you’re just humiliated.

Post # 30
Member
9095 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Just because you don’t like what someone has to say doesn’t mean they’re mean spirited. Sarcastic maybe.

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