(Closed) How to handle BIL and MIL

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
6743 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

What is he in jail for?  You said parole violation, but is the underlying felony for the parole?  And what did he do to violate his parole? 

When you say that your Darling Husband and Brother-In-Law have gotten into trouble before together – what exactly are you afraid of?  Brother-In-Law coming over and getting your Darling Husband into criminal/legal trouble again?

How many days is a “few days”? 

Now, I ask all these questions, but they’re probably not likely to change my opinion very much, but these questions will: (1)  Does your Darling Husband want Brother-In-Law to stay over?  (2) How much does he care for that?  (3)  How uncomfortable does it make you to have Brother-In-Law stay over?

Personally, I think you and Darling Husband share a home and if either one of you doesn’t want a guest over, you have the right to say no (within reason – but different people think different things are reasonable). 

Can you perhaps offer to pay for a hotel room?  I’d rather pay for someone to stay at a hotel than at my home if I’m not comfortable staying at my home.

Do you even have room for him?  (Guest room?) 

Why can’t he fly out to Mother-In-Law immediately upon his release? 

Post # 4
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

What did your husband say when his mom told him that this was her plan?

Post # 8
Member
8390 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’d put my foot down on this one. There’s no reason he needs to stay under your roof, especially with his past issues. You shouldn’t feel forced out of your own home! I’d offer to pay for the hotel, and if they throw a fit maybe it is time to discuss distancing yourself from them with your Darling Husband.

 

Post # 9
Member
6743 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

@tmsing:  Definitely say no.  That is a huge recipe for disaster.  Don’t leave your own home – he could still steal from you without you there and it’s probably better if you’re there to watch him anyway.  Either pay for his hotel room, pay for his flight and drive him immediately to the airport, or DISAPPEAR lol.. I would be like, “Oh I just realized that you said he’s being released on May 10 – that’s a shame, we’re actually going away that week” and stop answering your phone or something.  Don’t let your Mother-In-Law guilt trip and control him with her hysteria.  I hate moms like that, ugh!  So annoying!!

Post # 10
Member
286 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@tmsing:  Im really sorry  you have to deal with this. I also have a Future Brother-In-Law who is in jail and will be getting out soon. My Fiance and I have talked about him on a few occasions and before we bought our house we agreed that Brother-In-Law could NOT stay at our house. We know that he may ask and Mother-In-Law also may at some point want to come live with us but we agreed that it was simply NOT an option for us. I think it would be good to talk to your husband and let him know that you are really not comfortable with the situation. Im sure he will take your feelings into consideration since it is your home too. Good Luck! 🙂

Post # 11
Member
7403 posts
Busy Beekeeper

How can she dicate who stays in your home. No way. Hotel or he goes straight to airport.

Post # 12
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Burglary?? Yeah, no – someone who has been in jail for that would not be welcome to stay in my home, how presumptuous of your Mother-In-Law to just assume her ‘plan’ would be fine! I think your Darling Husband should tell his mother that he’ll pickup his brother and drive him to the airport, but he is not staying at your home in the meantime – he’ll either have to fly to her house the day he gets out or find somewhere else to stay until it’s time for his flight. I’m sure she’ll probably pitch a fit about how his brother is family and needs him, and she doesn’t want him going to stay with someone who could be a bad influence, blah blah blah. So I’d make sure your husband is prepared for that response and instead of caving will hold firm that he’s not comfortable with it.

Post # 13
Member
1106 posts
Bumble bee

I am so sorry that you’re dealing with this, girlie! *bear hug*

I would put my foot down and cut off contact.  I know it’s not fun and your Darling Husband may be upset, but it sounds like he would ultimately be happier and both of you would be in a better place. I hope you get everything worked out!

Post # 16
Member
6743 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

@tmsing:  there you go!  i think that’s a valid excuse.  don’t back down. it’s YOUR home, not HERS!

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