How to handle conflicts w/ spouse who lost parent?

posted 5 months ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
967 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

He doesn’t have a right to take it out on you. No matter what the circumstances, women aren’t their husbands’ emotional punching bags.

Post # 3
Member
544 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

AnnieAAA :  I went through the exact same thing when my Darling Husband lost his brother to cancer last spring and then his step-father passed away in the fall.  My Darling Husband said almost the exact same thing to me when he was grieving, to keep all feelings and opinions to myself.  It was extremely hard to do and there were a couple of blow-up fights because of all the emotions being kept in on my end and his emotions being in such overdrive. I don’t necessarily have advice with how to deal with your husband other than to listen to what he needs and really do try to keep things in. I also reached out a lot more to my own family and friends during those 6 months to get some of the emotional support he couldn’t give me. It was really rough, but as his grief began to fade he came out of it and was back to being the supportive partner that he was before. He has since tried to apologize for how he acted during that time, but I told him it was unnecessary as that was expected. It was really hard though and I feel for you right now. I’m sorry for your loss as I am sure this death is affecting you as well. Don’t put your own grief aside. It’s ok to mourn as well, make sure you get the support you need. PM me if you’d like to talk more.

Post # 4
Member
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015 - City, State

AnnieAAA :  Honestly, I don’t think your husband has the right to ask this of you.  He seems to be using his father’s death as an excuse to be a dick.  You, OP, didn’t suddenly cease to be human just because your husband’s father died.  As much as it sucks for your husband, life goes on without his father.  Asking someone to suppress their emotions, thoughts, opinions indefinitely until he feels better is abusive.  If it were me in your shoes, I would tell him that I understand he is grieving, but he has no right to ask what he is asking, and I am not prepared to give it.  When he comes out of his grief, if he has any decency, he will understand why you stood your ground.

Post # 5
Member
410 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

I’m very sorry for your loss. It is truly hard to be the in-law when there is a death in the family. 

As for your husband, my advice would be to tell him that you love and support him (and his family), that you understand that he is grieving and you are there is he needs anything. Then I would tell him that you hope he knows that you are not trying to hurt him and ask him to trust that while you are not and cannot be an emotionless, opinionless robot, you are the smart, capable, loving wife he loves and who is by his side. 

You are in my thoughts and prayers. 

Post # 6
Member
1516 posts
Bumble bee

It’s incredibly hard when you lose a parent you’re close to.  Sometimes you don’t know what you want – you want to scream, cry, lash out, withdraw, be alone, be held, and on some level, you want to believe that your parent is still there and will be able to make it all better while you know that you’ll never be held by someone who loves you utterly and completely with no conditions at all. 

Your husband is grieving a loss you can’t understand until you go through it.  Perhaps, he’ll be kinder to you than you feel you can be to him until he gets into therapy to move through the process.

Post # 7
Member
1210 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

bywater :  I get what you’re saying but i think a person loves their husband/wife as much as their parents love them. I would be upset if my fiance said his parents loved him more than I loved him. To the OP i would give it some time I never lost a parent but i can’t imagine the pain he is going through. Maybe some grief counseling for him may help

Post # 8
Member
1516 posts
Bumble bee

soexcited123 :  I lost my mother over ten years ago.  I literally collapsed and fell down an entire flight of stairs and didn’t care when my father called to tell me.  I’ve been through therapy, but there’s a hole every single day.

The love of a parent is different than the love of a spouse.  

I’ve suffered through both, and the loss of mom made the loss of my husband seem like a non-event; and he was nearly my whole world.

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