How to Handle Family Not Invited

posted 6 months ago in Guests
Post # 2
Member
147 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

Following. I’m having a private ceremony as well, parents, siblings and closest friends. Just today my FMIL was talking about inviting her niece over, and I asked her not to mention anything about the wedding since she wouldn’t be invited. My FMIL got all upset and said and it’s not right to not invite her. Well if I invite her I have to invite everyone. Ugh 

Post # 3
Member
2898 posts
Sugar bee

Emphasize the words intimate wedding when people being it up. And budget constraints. I didn’t have one this small but i couldn’t invite everyone so deflect and say you’re only having an intimate ceremony. I’m not sure what the etiquette is for letting people know before or not? But someone will likely have an idea for that.

 

Congrats! Enjoy your day. 

Post # 4
Member
1696 posts
Bumble bee

We had a <25 person wedding, which is what we wanted. I had friends who were intially supportive, then decided they were hurt and our friendships didn’t recover. My mom’s side of the family, with whom I was not particularly close to begin with, basically disowned me, even though I doublt half of them would have showed up. My MIL was upset that his extended family wasn’t invited, even though he hadn’t seen most of them in years and she barely has a relationship with him. 

I don’t regret a thing. 

I wish you a beautiful wedding that is exactly what you want. <3 

Post # 6
Member
2898 posts
Sugar bee

therollingclones :  I’m not sure if this is correct but you can say you had a planned elopement? Though I’m not sure of it can be described as such. Just brainstorming. 

Post # 8
Member
45536 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Just tell them that you are having a small, intimate wedding and you are sorry that you will be unable to invite everyone you would like to have with you on your wedding day. Do not go into the reasons or some people will go into problem solving mode.

If you mention the budget, they will offer to pay.

If you say the venue is too small, they will suggest a larger one and they are sure they can get you a deal.

etc etc etc

Post # 9
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

sweatergal007 :  Thats basically what I call ours. I wanted to elope but my mums disappointment would have been hard to get past, so its a small elopment-style wedding. No one so far has complained that they arent coming, though many people dont actually know about it yet, and wont till its over.

 

I also knocked back a request for someone to bring a newly found plus one; if I’m not even having siblings attend then Im definitely not having one random stranger there.

Post # 11
Member
2898 posts
Sugar bee

therollingclones :  Oh shoot, yes people might offer. Then see the above persons response to me. They said it was elopement style. Perhaps you can use that? I also hate it when people assume things though. 

Post # 13
Member
2898 posts
Sugar bee

Also, here’s what two friends did. One literally posted just a pic of them on FB announcing it. Another, I got a postcard  announcement saying that they got married. 

Another friend just went to the courthouse with immediate family. Some got upset but it hasn’t ruined friendships. 

So many options now! 

Post # 14
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

sweatergal007 :  I’m planning a private message to immediate family, followed by a post on facebook.

Post # 15
Member
4993 posts
Honey bee

sweatergal007 :

It’s not any sort of  elopement if she has her  family and friends there . It’s a small wedding ,not the same  thing.

OP I’d avoid the (mis) use of the word elopement , because it may well cause some people  to claim  you lied to them . People do get very strange about weddings- I’d stick with the terms intimate and tiny etc . And as pps have suggested , don’t give reasons, thus  enabling them to ‘problem solve’ lol 

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