How to handle FH'S cousin at the bachelorette party

posted 2 years ago in Parties
Post # 2
Member
1381 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2021

Yikes, this is a toughy. Is your bachelorette party out of town or will you be able to call someone to get her if she becomes too drunk and triggered? If you are out of town what then? You need to have a plan for the worst case scenario. I’d also suggest talking to her about this in person. Maybe go out to coffee and address your concerns citing the family party as your grounds for the conversation.

4 years is a long time to be actively mourning a death, is she in therapy? 

Post # 4
Member
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Talk to her about it. She will almost certainly get upset or embarassed. Maybe she’ll decide not to show up.  All of that is preferable to you being on pins and needles hoping she doesn’t get too drunk– or having to deal with her if she does. 

Post # 5
Member
4775 posts
Honey bee

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lbean93 :  I would just have her boyfriend on standby to come pick her up. I would also bring up your concerns with her. Not from the standpoint of how it may or may not affect your bachelorette party but more from the aspect of seeing how she handled alcohol at the last event and being worried about how she’s handling things. And while it sucks to have to be her babysitter, I would at the very minimum make sure she eats at your party. If you guys are going out to bars or restaurants, the bartenders there at least can be the bad guy to cut her off if she is noticeably intoxicated.

Post # 7
Member
1381 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2021

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lbean93 :  What do you fear more: upsetting her or having her cause a scene at your bachelorette party? Luckily there is still time that if you have a conversation with her and she does get upset she can process it and either change her patterns of behavior or decline to come to the party. 30/45 minutes is close enough for someone to come grab her if shit hits the fan… so really this is up to you as to whether you address it or let it go and see what happens.

Maybe this was a one off because of the anniversary, or maybe she does have a problem. I’d be really nervous about having someone I couldn’t trust at my bachelorette party, so I’d go the route of having a conversation prior to the event; but that’s just me. 

Post # 9
Member
4612 posts
Honey bee

I would definitely talk to her to see if she is okay and suggest strategies for future outings – e.g. eat before she goes out, drink one drink per hour, alternate with water, cap on # of drinks in one night. 

Eta: don’t wait until she is a mess to call her boyfriend or your fiance. Call when you see her start drinking excessively. 

Post # 10
Member
7229 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

View original reply
lbean93 :  My perspective would be that we both would prefer the uncomfortable conversation before the event rather than the really fucking uncomfortable conversation we’d be having if she got drunk and turned into a hot mess at the bachelorette.

I’d reach out and find a time to talk (if you can talk in person, that may be better) but I’d be very clear with her, “I love you and I’m concerned about you and I want to be sure you are okay. I really want you to be able to attend the bachelorette, but I’m also concerned because of your drinking and behavior at the most recent family event since there won’t be anyone to take care of you at the bachelorette.” I’d be sure to hear what she has to say but if her response sounds like excuses, I would push back and just make it clear to her that you want her there with you but getting drunk and needing to be taken care of is not an option here. If she’s too sad to handle her alcohol under the current circumstances, then maybe she needs to rethink drinking at events for a bit.

I would absolutely have someone on standby who was willing to come and pick her up if things got out of hand. Possibly a couple people, just in case.

If she does this at the bachelorette party, too, then she would only be allowed water or juice at my wedding or she would need to leave.

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