(Closed) How to handle FIs family Drama. Advice needed

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 2
7679 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Steph77:  Simply say, “Sorry, you’ll need to talk when Fiance is here”. I know you tried that and Future Mother-In-Law fooled you once, but now you know her tactic, you should be able to avoid being fooled again. But continue to do what you were trying to do: let Fiance handle his family. It sounds like you and Fiance are on the same page. So long as that is the case, you will be alright.

Post # 3
1000 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

Agreed with aussiemum1248. That’s a tough situation. Sorry to hear they are being so judgy.

Post # 4
2138 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I’d advise your Fiance to send a reconciliatory message to his family saying ”I’m sorry that we’ve had so many arguments regarding our wedding. I’m especially sorry because all I really want is for you guys to turn up and have a good time. Please don’t feel like you have to worry about finances or any aspect of the wedding apart from getting to the hotel the day before and celebrating with us. We’ll be sending out a program later on with any important information about the day, so you’ll have all the info you need well in advance. In the meantime, lets just not talk about the wedding and please just turn up on the day and have a blast… that’s all that matters to me” ?

Post # 5
4040 posts
Honey bee

Steph77:  As my husband’s always says – “No pay, no say.”

When we were married, his family knew the date, time, and place, and nothing more. 

I really feel sorry for you, and your situation. If his family is being so negative/toxic about something that they shouldn’t have a vote in, it doesn’t bode well, for the future (i.e. I’d never trust his manipulative mother again).

Post # 7
966 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I wholeheardtely agree with the prior posts, you need to set boundries, she is showing you that she doesnt respect her son/ your future husband or you and she goes around him to get what she wants.  The boundry really should be set by your Fiance with his family so that they know not to go around him to get to you… that could be very disaterous.

The other thing is, screen your calls you don’ t have to answer just because she calls, let her leave a message stating what she wants and then you and your Fiance, if you so choose can call her back when its convenient. 

If you don’t set boundries with her now, it will only get worse. unfortunatley, you can’t fix things within his family and I think that is a mistake for you to try, trust me It will only backfire on you, I have seen it happen. His family will have to work through their issues, which were likley there before you got engaged, you just didnt see them.  The best think you can do is be a support to your Fiance and let them work that out.  For the love of God, PLEASE don’t try to fix it, it will only case you more pain in the long run. 

Trust me it will be hurtful when they say to you ” who are you, you are just in in law, but out”. 

Just my advice.


Hope things get better.


  • This reply was modified 3 years, 10 months ago by  creeative1.
  • This reply was modified 3 years, 10 months ago by  creeative1.
Post # 10
966 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I totally get that you want to be there because his mother is aging, but there still has to be boundries and if you are worried about her, it’s like you said, she can leave a message.  If you are guys are really concerned perhaps you guys should consider getting her a life alert that way she can press a button and they will notify you guys if there is an emergency.



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