(Closed) How to Handle FSIL Drama?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: How should I handle this situation?
    Give her more time before you make a decision : (3 votes)
    12 %
    Go with the white lie about your mom paying for hair/makeup : (15 votes)
    60 %
    Other : (7 votes)
    28 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1094 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I don’t think you should tell any white lies.  The thing aboute white lies is that they start off small but will find a way to bite you in the bum! And if there’s already stress about this, then you don’t want to add any!

    I’d be honest and direct. (Or upfront as you say!) 

    “Your offer to do my hair/makeup is really so sweet and kind and I really appreciate it. But with my how hectic everything is (wedding planning, finals etc), i’m really stressing over how hard it is to get in touch with you and when i tried to reach you through Step mum she accused me of lying…..”


    At this point, you could give her a second chance to respond and make a date, or just finish it off by saying you’ve decided to hire someone else. 

    Don’t worry about her reaction because there’s nothing you can do about it.  You just need to take care of yourself.

     

    Post # 4
    Member
    6015 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: March 2012

    I agree with your therapist.  being upfront and calling step mom out for saying your lying is just going to create more drama.  

     

    You had trial run that went well, why do you want to schedule another one?  Or is this for the day of? 

    Post # 6
    Member
    6015 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: March 2012

    @chocolatecoveredstrawberry:  ahhh then yeah…. it doesn’t sound like it’s worth being upfront … they certainly haven’t been.  Use your mother as an excuse, make sure she knows you’re using her.  And just be done with it. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    739 posts
    Busy bee

    Honestly, there will be more drama and resentment if she does end up flaking or messing things up on your wedding day. It’s one of the first things you do that day and it can really set the tone for the rest of the day.

    I would hire someone else, near you and or the wedding. Then, send her an email like this:

    Dear Flakypants,

    I really do appreciate your offer of doing hair and makeup for me. I thought my trial went well. because I feel like we haven’t been on the same page and it’s stressing me out I’ve decided to hire someone locally. This will also free you up to enjoying that part of the day and spending time with the family.

    I hope you can understand where I’m coming from. Lets please get together once my whole graduation thing is over.

    Love,

    @chocolatecoveredstrawberry

    Post # 11
    Member
    1151 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    @chocolatecoveredstrawberry:  I had a lot of anxiety and panic attacks leading up to the wedding and not being able to effectively communicate with the person who is supposed to do your hair and make up is unnecessary stress leading up to your wedding day. The way I see it is if you can’t get her to return a call, text or FB message now how do you know she’ll be reliable enough to show up when it counts. There’s no way I could handle that amount of stress leading up to and on my wedding day. Some things are best left to the professionals because you are paying them and you know they’ll show up since they are hired to do a job. She’s taking something simple and making it complicated because she might not understand the importance of planning/scheduling things out when you have a wedding coming up. I felt like my bridal party acted this way towards me, “we’ll just see when it happens” kinda attitude and it drove me up a wall! Best of luck to you!

    Post # 12
    Member
    7758 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I would get your fiance to do the dirty work. She’s his stepsister so I assume he knows her fairly well.

    He can call/text her and say something like what @PizzutiStudios: wrote.

    I would not lie about your mother paying. For a start that puts your mother in the awkward situation of having to be prepared to lie to cover for you. Frankly I’m astounded that your therapist thought that would be a good idea.

    Post # 14
    Hostess
    2556 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    Find someone else to do your hair and makeup, but be honest to her about it.  No need to lie about it.

    The topic ‘How to Handle FSIL Drama?’ is closed to new replies.

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