- 4 years ago
My boyfriend just started bringing up our future and wanting to spend our lives together. He’s 29 and I’m 26, and it’s not like we’re rushing — I don’t think we would get engaged for a while yet, just beginning to talk about marriage, etc. It also came up recently that I inherited some family jewelry, including my great grandmother’s wedding set. My boyfriend seemed very excited about the idea that I have this ring.
I’ve always assumed I would use it as my engagement ring when the time comes — my great-grandparents were married for almost 60 years so I like the symbolism of their marriage, and aside from that it’s a very nice ring. It’s probably not the style I would choose if I were picking something out for myself, but it’s also far more expensive than I would pick out for myself. It’s a 1.25 carat miner cut center stone in a platinum band with two little diamonds on either side, and a matching eternity band — prob from the 40s or 50s (not sure as it was an upgrade set).
So why am I posting here… well, I guess that even though I’ve always assumed this would be my wedding set, now that I’m with a boyfriend who I see being the guy I marry, I want to make sure how I feel about the ring before I tell him for sure that he’s off the hook to buy me an engagement ring when the time comes. Aside from that, I am curious about the logistics of an heirloom ring that comes from my side of the family and is already in my possession.
My questions are: If you had an heirloom ring, how did you handle it logistically? Did you give it to your boyfriend at some point to give to you? Or did he propose without a ring? Did it take out of any of the romance that it wasn’t a surprise?
And more generally: would you use an heirloom ring like this as your engagement ring? Would you do something to personalize it, like resetting it or pairing it with a new wedding band? Would you want him to give you another engagement gift (a right hand ring, earrings, whatever) if you’re the one providing a family ring? Or would you just ask him to use money he would have spent toward a honeymoon, down payment for a house, etc? Or would you want a new ring and keep this one as a right hand ring?
I am mostly excited by the idea of using this ring as is, but I’m also not the type of person who wants a big wedding (more of the elopement type) and so I worry a little that I’d be missing out on the “fun stuff” if I provide my own ring and skip the wedding. (Obviously the ring and wedding aren’t why I’d want to get married, I just mean that those are perks a lot of people look forward to and I guess I have a bit of FOMO.)
PS sorry I know I need a manicure!