(Closed) How to handle heirloom engagement ring?

posted 4 years ago in Rings
Post # 16
2667 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

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hafh2016 :  thank you! I love my ring and I enjoy sharing pictures of it!

She says that the heirloom is bigger and more expensive than she would choose for herself. I’d think her fiance would want the ring he gives her to be the ring she wants to wear everyday, wearing the heirloom to dress-up would just be a way to give it some use, as to not hurt the feelings or insult the memory lf whomever handed it down. Or she could just never remove what she gets from her husband and use the heirloom as a fancy right hand ring  (which to me would also be a dress up thing, as my engagement ring is the only thing I wear all the time). 

Post # 17
3459 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Wow that set is stunning! Personally I would just keep it as it is, it is timeless and classic and more sentimental if you don’t alter it. And I wouldn’t expect anything else when he proposes, its about your lifelong commitment more than the gift. I would give it to him in advance (soon!) so that he can propose with it in his own time. 

Post # 18
9541 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

That is a stunning set and, personally, I wouldn’t change a thing about it! Once you guys are fairly certain you’re heading for an engagement, I would give him the rings, so that he can “give” them to you at the engagement. I think that getting a ring makes the engagement more fun. But, honestly, surprise about the ring is overrated. I also wouldn’t think he needs to give you any other present. That just seems arbitrary. Women don’t usually give men anything for an engagement.

Personally, we had two rings (one from my greatgrandmother and one from his grandmother) that we wanted to combine, so it wasn’t exactly the same, but a similar situation. We talked with a jewler about some options to combine them and I gave my (then) boyfriend my greatgrandmother’s ring. He went off and had them combined into one ring and gave it to me when he proposed. Knowing it was coming and what the ring would look like wasn’t a big deal at all. And I LOVE having an heirloom ring. So much more sentimental. 

Post # 19
1254 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Oh my gosh! No way could I change that dreamy vintage setting with those fishtail prongs!!!!!! 

Post # 20
42 posts

100% wouldnt even double think it, its a beautiful thought and holy COW that ring is amazing

Post # 21
630 posts
Busy bee

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browneyedgirl24 :  I wouldnt change a thing about the ring personally! It is beautiful, and has sooooo much meaning behind it already! As far as money goes, I would just suggest he use the money for the honeymoon, or a down payment on a house. Once you are married your finances are combined anyway, and it shouldnt matter if he spends $0 or $100,000. Logistics wise, I would give the ring to your mother now and let your mom know if SO ever asks for their permission, to offer the ring to him as you want it as your wedding ring. Or just let your SO know to ask your mom when the time is right. 

Post # 22
2466 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 1995

OMG that is a gorgeous set and I would absolutely not alter it! I have a similar but smaller set that I wear that belong to my mother’s mother whom I never met. I wear it sometimes with a band  my husband gave me in between them (on my right hand however as I already have a wedding set) when I . The band I wear between is rose gold and I think looks very nice. Here’s a picture to give you some ideas. Adding a special band that he picks out for you or that you choose together would be a great way to make it your set and honor your grandmother.


Post # 23
217 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

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browneyedgirl24 :  I don’t have much experience with this… But my mom gave my sister her engagement ring from my mom and dad’s marriage (divorced when I was little). Her now husband knew where the ring was kept and when he was ready to propose he took it and proposed. She wore that their entire engagement (which was 3 or 4 years I think). When she got married she had a new set. My mom’s was a yellow gold solitaire I believe. My sister’s new set, which he picked out, is a marquee cut diamond, tension set with channel set diamonds along the band with a matching wedding band, all in YG. You could consider getting engaged with your heirloom ring and later choosing a new ring/set to be received upon the day of your wedding or first anniversary and keep your grandmother’s ring as a RHR/heirloom for children.

Post # 24
410 posts
Helper bee

Hot Damn that is a beautiful ring!

I would use it as is for an e ring and then maybe get a new wedding band so that you have something that is unique to you and your new husband (could still wear your grandmother’s band too though).

If you like the idea, perhaps you could have your parents hold the ring and he could seek their blessing ask for it when ready or else as a pp mentioned have it put in a safety deposit box or similar that you both can access.

I wouldn’t ask for another gift or for him to contribute anything extra to the wedding/honeymoon etc. it feels strange to me that he would have to pay for more of a mutual event.


Post # 25
1338 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Painswick Church and the Falcon Hotel

I think it’s beautiful as it is! I wouldn’t change a thing and would definitely use it as my wedding set. 

Post # 26
1599 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

I had a slightly different but similar situation. My mother offered to give me the baguette side diamonds from her grandmothers engagement ring. The center stone had been lost decades earlier and only the baguettes remained. My boyfriend and I had been talking about engagement and marriage and had already discussed what kind of ring I wanted. We went diamond shopping together and I brought the baguettes. We picked out the center stone and gave the baguettes to the jeweler to have them all set together. Once it was done, my bf picked it up and had it to propose with (which he didn’t do for nearly 6 months). 

If you want to leave the ring exactly as it is, then I would just give it to your bf. If you want to make any changes, you should go to the jeweler together to discuss them and then he can pick up the ring afterwards and keep custody of it until he proposes. 

Post # 27
2569 posts
Sugar bee

First of all -Wow! Gorgeous heirloom set! You are lucky to have such a special piece! Secondly, I would want my guy to buy me a ring from him. I would wear grandma’s set on my right hand. I was proposed to with an heirloom, but it just felt like my ring already. I ended up getting an ering from him. I have a lot of heirloom jewelry that I wear as RHRS that I don’t associate with my engagment. But a lot of people use heirlooms. For me it didn’t feel right. 

Post # 30
470 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

How exciting to be in this point in your relationship! Your heirloom set is stunning! 

I just recently went through this same situation. When my grandmother passed away in September, I was surprised and honored when my aunts chose to pass her engagement and wedding rings to me. When my now fiancé and I started talking more seriously about spending our lives together, I told him that no matter what, I would love anything chosen, but her ring was available to him. He then proposed without the ring in order to surprise me, and when we called my parents to tell them he asked them for my grandmother’s ring. My mom brought it to him and he presented it to me a few days after the proposal! 

I’m going to wear her engagement ring as it is because I love it, but I’m going to get a new band that is just ours and keep her band as a RHR. 

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