(Closed) How to handle heirloom engagement ring?

posted 4 years ago in Rings
Post # 31
Member
2691 posts
Sugar bee

That’s a beautiful set and I’d never reset it. I wouldn’t use it as a wedding set thought but that’s just my personal feeling on the matter. You already OWN it. You can wear it tomorrow if you want to. You can wear it on your left hand or your right. If you were married, you could put your wedding set in a box and sub the heirloom set any day you chose. I’d feel like getting engaged entailed a GIFT from him to me and I’d feel weird providing him the gift to give back to me.

Post # 33
Member
2567 posts
Sugar bee

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browneyedgirl24 :  It felt like ‘letting him off the hook’ a little bit. I just associated my heirloom with my Aunt who it belonged to and not my Fiance. It wasn’t a fancy proposal or anything like that where we needed to figure out logistics, as I was already actively wearing the ring, but we did resize it for my left ring finger. I ended up resetting it for my right hand later down the line and my Fiance got me a different ring to wear “from him”. I just really wanted something directly from him. That’s just me. I think it’s super cool to use heirlooms, but in my case, I wanted my Fiance to have his hand in it a bit more. I am also a total jewelry nut (full disclosure, haha) and I just love getting jewelry! For someone else who likes to have “the one” set or ring, an heirloom could be the best route if they had it already. Good luck whatever you choose to do and your ring is gorgeous. I LOVE vintage and old cuts!!!!!! 🙂

Post # 34
Member
315 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Personally I would reset the stones into a set you and your boyfriend design together! That way you keep the sentimental aspect, however you make the ring yours! Also, if your boyfriend doesn’t have to purchase a center stone you two could use that money to create a beautiful custom set together. However, if you do choose to keep it as is, it is still stunning!

Post # 35
Member
3529 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

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GemmaBella :  I am so glad I am not the only one that has felt this way!  DH proposed with my grandmother’s ring, and it’s never really felt like it was from him. 

Post # 36
Member
479 posts
Helper bee

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browneyedgirl24 :  Your heirloom set is so gorgeous and basically my dream ring! I would give him the set and ask him to propose when it was right, but definitely get a new wedding band that the two of you pick out. You can wear the engagement ring, heirloom wedding band and new wedding band as a stacked set or mix and match as you choose. Just as an after thought, it looks like all the prongs on both rings will need re-tipping. When the rings are that old, the prongs start to get flat and more prone to breakage and then risk of losing stones. Good luck and congrats on whaetever you choose is right for you!

Post # 37
Member
19 posts
Newbee

I have my grandmothers ring (which was also my great grandmothers before that) as my engagement ring. In terms of logistics I was planning on giving it to my fiance before he proposed but I didn’t get around to getting it re sized in time (it was so tiny!) so he proposed without it. He made a real effort with the proposal though, with a treasure hunt, photo album and a necklace he had seen me admiring. It didn’t seem like a ring was missing at all. 

In terms of the money I’m glad he didn’t have to spend lots on a ring. We combined our money once we were engaged and there are other things I would prefer to spend it on. Plus, no amount of money could have bought me a ring more special than the one I have! I have never really thought about it from the gift perspective some people have mentioned, just as a symbol. My ring symbolizes not just our relationship but two other loving marriages as well, and I think thats really cool! I hope one day I am able to pass it down to continue the chain! 

Post # 38
Member
348 posts
Helper bee

Omg this is gorgeous. I love the antique settings. Unfortunately I do not have any heirloom rings. What a predicament!  Personally I wouldn’t change it but I’m not in your position. I just wanted to comment how gorgeous this set is. Good luck!

Post # 39
Member
74 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

Perhaps you can have him renew it as a way to make it “new” to you. Check and remake any prongs or areas that need to be fixed structurally, polish the metals to remove scratches, have it cleaned. Have it appraised and if you need the center stone to be repronged, have it certified by Gia or Ags. It sounds like you want to keep it as is as much as possible, but recutting the stone is an option as well if you reset it into a more modern setting. All those things are good maintainence for the ring and will breathe some new life into it. 

Post # 40
Member
11533 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

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singingbee5 :  Beautiful ring! And your solution is the one I was going to suggest for the OP — wear the stunning e-ring, get a wedding band that represents her relationship with her FH, and wear her grandmother’s wedding band as an RHR.

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browneyedgirl24 :  Your heirloom ring is GORGEOUS!! As I noted in my comment above, if I were you, I would use this as my ering and get a new blingy wedding band to match it and save your grandmother’s wedding band for an RHR.

Post # 41
Member
214 posts
Helper bee

It sounds like you’ve already come to a decision about that stunning piece of family history, but I’ll give you another perspective on logistics. My ring is made from my grandmother’s stone. My grandfather, a sculptor, had made her ring himself using a stone that had belonged to my great-great-grandmother. So like you, there was a lot of history there. I had to have the stone re-set as the setting would not have fit my hands, and resizing it would have destroyed its unusual shape. (I hope to one day have it remade into a necklace.)

My now-fiance knew that this ring was in my family and that I wanted to use the stone. Because it had to be reset, there were additional hoops of appraisal and insurance to jump through before the ring went to the jeweler out of state. When we spoke about it, my fiance was frankly terrified to have anything go wrong on his watch 😉 so I handled all of those aspects as well as ordering the ring that became mine. Your mileage may vary on this if the surprise is important to you, but it meant that I knew when my ring was arriving and pulled it out of the mailbox myself. Once it arrived, I told him what it was and handed the box into his custody. The surprise of knowing what’s in the box was not important to me, but if it’s important to you, the are plenty of women who have either picked out their own rings or given enough input to know what’s coming, and still have the surprise proposals they valued. You can have that, too. 

If you want to keep the memories and the family history by using your great-grandmother’s engagement ring (which is a gorgeous piece, by the way) but also want something in that set that’s just for you and your boyfriend, you might consider wearing the wedding band on your right hand, and picking out a new (or new-to-you) wedding band that symbolizes the relationship you have with your intended, as well. That gives you the deep family connection as well as something that’s all your own.

Post # 42
Member
361 posts
Helper bee

I had/have a different situation w some similarities. My now-FI knew that his parents had a few family rings that they would be happy for him to use as my engagement ring and/or that they’d give to me as his fiancée or wife if I’d want them. I’d told him that I didn’t care if he proposed w a ring or not or w a family ring or not but that I’d probably eventually want a ring that was my style to wear daily. He decided that he only wanted to propose w a family ring if it was nice and an heirloom w some specialty meaning or history, not just a ring that his parents bought randomly (they have a decent collection).

He and his parents showed me the heirloom rings and I really liked an emerald one. It wasn’t what I’d been telling him that I liked at all. It has a halo (I prefer solitaires) and I prefer sapphires. But I kept sneaking to put the ring on. I loved it on me and the meaning from his family. I said it was perfect as long as he was okay w me wearing it daily and knowing that the emerald would likely get messed up and need to be replaced throughout the years.  

He decided to propose w it. I’m happy that he did. He insists on getting me a ring w a center stone I choose in a style I prefer before we get married (or maybe as a wedding present). It won’t be ready until after he wanted to (and did) propose.

I’ve told him that another new ring isn’t necessary at all, but he has some great sentiment behind it. He wants to get me a ring and thinks I should have a nice stone ring from him, not just a band. And he’s set aside money for it. And wants to spoil me. He doesn’t want my nicest gifts to come from his family instead of him. I’m not resetting any stones I get in jewelry from his family unless I have to. I’m keeping them as they are. My Fiance is happy w me wearing whichever ring I like as much as I like. I plan to always wear at least one of them- maybe both. And my new ring will be rose gold (heirloom is yellow gold), I’m kinda hoping to have 2 or 3 bands made, one yellow, one rose, and maybe one platinum, so I can wear them w the different engagement-looking rings from him and his family based on whatever mood I’m in. His mom also switches between a few different rings to wear on her left hand as engagement rings and wedding bands.

Your family ring is very nice but isn’t my style. If I were you, I’d be okay w him maybe proposing w that ring and maybe get you a new ring that’s my preferred style for the wedding. Or maybe he could propose w a new ring and you could use this heirloom ring in your wedding. I definitely wouldn’t want my only nice ring and my only engagement/stone ring to be from my own family if my guy could afford to get me a ring more my style. 

Post # 43
Member
489 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

It’s so gorgeous!!! Honestly I am usually not the person for vintage styles since some are a bit too fussy for me, but that one is so timeless and clean. Love!!

So, I’d say if you really love it and want it as your ring, then leave it as is. (Perhaps you can get it engraved to personalize it?) You can leave it in a hiding spot your boyfriend knows about and then make sure not to peek to see if it’s still there! 😉 (Someone I know kept diamonds she inherited in a safe at her house with the idea that they would be set into her engagement ring in the future. She noticed the diamonds were gone at one point and she couldn’t say anything, which caused a bit of anxiety because what if they actually had been stolen? Haha. He really had them of course, and he reset them into a beautiful ring.) Anyway, I think it might be nice to get a new wedding band so you have something that you and your boyfriend pick out together if that aspect is important to you, and you could always wear the existing band as a RHR or have the diamonds reset into something else. I don’t think you’d be missing out really, and I wouldn’t worry about having him do a separate gift or pay for something else in particular. If he wants to do that he will, and there are so many wedding expenses that it seems unnecessary to funnel “ring money” to one spot in particular, at least in my opinion. 

Post # 44
Member
2567 posts
Sugar bee

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heputaringonit :  I understand! I also forgot to mention that my Fiance wanted to get something from him as well, he wasn’t connecting to my Aunt’s ring, even though we both agree it is stunning, it wasn’t from him.

Your ring is beautiful btw!

Post # 45
Member
3313 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: City, State

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browneyedgirl24 :  leave set as is, use as your set.

Either  give him to use in the proposal or tell in to get you a cheap ring for under 100 to use in the proposal bit you can then wearcas a rhr..

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