(Closed) how to handle jealous friends?

posted 11 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
540 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I have friends/bridesmaids that are less than happy for me. I choose to have minimal contact with them. I don’t need anyone bringing me down. It hurts sometimes but oh well! 

Post # 18
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I would have to highly agree with most of these statements on how to handle the jealous situations.  I’m a 30 something bride-to-be and I have honestly noticed that 99.9% of people older than me are HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY for me.  They are genuine in their excitment, ask many questions with bright eyes and big smiles and full of happiness.  On the downside, I’ve noticed friends that are younger than me, are less excited.  I’m in a good, loving and secure relationship and they are clearly jealous.  It does ruin some of the fun, it’s amazing on how an happily married friends and acquaintances are so excited for a engaged couple.  The unhappy single friends have no idea on how much we “notice” their lack of excitment.  It’s quite frustrating, but you all have some very good advice.  Besides, I’m marrying the love of my life, that’s what really matters.  Appearently we are not all built the same, you just have to stay positive and be around the people that truly love you. Lifes lessons to all the other ones will happen at some point, and maybe they’ll get it.

Post # 19
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2011

how about it.  i’m and pretty sad and shocked by some people.. mostly my very own sister  πŸ™  wow.  maybe she thought i was never worth of marriage, or that she would remarry before i would first marry… no idea.

a girl on the train quit talking to me over a year ago when it was apparent my boyfriend and i had a functional relationship, unlike the crazy one she was in.  she would ask me over and over how it was going with him, and the more i said “great!!’, the most she distanced herself from me.  now she just ignored me, that’s  crazy!!

a few friends on facebook haven’t commented on my engaged status… shocking as well. 

but i am especially hurt by my own sis πŸ™  that one is a knife right to my heart πŸ™  not even wanting to see the ring, not even wanting to come over to hug me and congratulate me… not even calling my mom to talk about it, nothing.  i was totally there for her 20 years ago for her wedding, i threw her a shower, did the whole bit… i doubt it will be getting any of that in return πŸ™

Post # 20
Member
85 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’m not sure if you even want to bother with some women at this point, but if you do…take a little time and blitz every woman in your circle with positivity.  Invite feedback when appropriate, invite people to appointments, etc. if you think they’d like to come, try to involve people in your planning process when you reasonably can.  The people who can be involved positively in your wedding will jump forward and enjoy doing it.  The ones that won’t will either fail to accept your invitations or behave negatively when they do accept.  Once your positivity blitz is over, just quietly stop talking to those people about the wedding or trying to involve them.  Don’t get mad…just invest your emotional energy in the people that are willing to bother!

Post # 21
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

View original reply
@saddlebred: Ha! I had the same exact occurance on FB.  A couple of my “close” friends never even commented on the engagement.  And then in person they said “they didn’t see it”.  Basically impossible, they are on religiously…   I would never act like this… but as I said before, I guess we are all built differently and it’s in times that we don’t expect to notice it (like an engagement) that it comes out.  Well ladies, let me take the time to say CONGRATS on finding the love of your life… they are who carries us through all of this nonsense.  I am wishing each and every one of you a beautiful wedding and a lifetime of bliss.  Stay positive, and hopefully the positive attitude will be contagious.  Good luck weddingbees!

Post # 22
Member
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Yeah, my Maid/Matron of Honor (younger sister) and Bridesmaid or Best Man (BFF) were really negative, jealous sticks-in-the-mud, who never really felt bad about or apologized for raining on my parade. I intend to act just the opposite when they become engaged to show them how they SHOULD have acted.  They are still so ridiculously negative and childish.  I don’t talk about my wedding very often, but sometimes someone else brings it up, or it just comes up in conversation. My sister will say, “A year is up -no more wedding talk!!” and my BFF gets pissed off if I call Jeremy my husband instead of using his name.  (Obviously, I don’t do it with her, but maybe at Starbucks or something.)  She even made a bitter-sounding speech (which in her defense, she did not think was offensive), which I still cringe at on my wedding video.  Those 2 turned my wedding into the K. & K. show -about their weight loss, and how do I look, and I am going to get my hair and makeup (that I paid for) done last.  OH GOD -if they only knew how awful they were/are.  Believe me they have many, many positive qualities, and really helped me out during parts of the planning, but their negativity killed me & my husband. 

During my wedding planning and big day, I was buoyed my my other MOH’s (older, married sister) unflagging support and postive attitude.  For your sake, find someone like that to get you through this time with the best, most positive memories.  I only just had my older sister (My parents have passed away.), but THANK GOD for her!! 

Post # 23
Member
21 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I can definately relate, and my main jealousy is coming from a close family member. She makes comments about everything from my ring, down to me doing things the wrong way. This is because she cant do what I can. People like that wonder why things never work out for them, this is why. Be happy for your friends and family and your time will be great.

Post # 24
Member
13 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m so glad i stumbled upon this.. i felt stupid for having to key in “google” the exact words “how to handle jealous friend when you’re engaged” and this post came up the first. i felt i was going crazy and just….. crazy as the months go by, and since the moment i announced to my gfs i’m engaged…they each turn into their own form of hostility…and i feel SO stupid for being so slow to wake up and realize and start taking care of myself and be a lot more careful. I thought they were just shunning me cos i’m soo ‘unique’, marrying before i graduate, let alone have my own job or money to sponsor my already budget wedding. πŸ™ i’ve been feeling so alone… now when i read all of your responses, my god… how scary envy can easily turn our loved ones into complete strangers and wreck your lives. I hope things have turned out better for everyone. πŸ™‚ 

Post # 25
Member
46 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Aw bees!  Thank you so much for sharing your experiences with this horribleness.  I thought I was the only one!  One of my long time closest friends did the same thing as yours saddlebred.  πŸ™‚  She’s currently talking sh*t about me to others, and it’s so ridiculous.  My wonderful FH is a great guy that I originally tried to set HER up with!  She would never show up for the meetings (she said that doesn’t like guys with southern accents, my FH is from GA.)  Anywho, time goes on, mine and FH friendship changes into truelove, and YAY!  We’re getting married!  Long-time Close Girlfriend (who hasn’t managed to have a truly functional relationship in the 7 years that I’ve know her) blows up at me and tells me that she can’t believe that I would try to set her up with a guy that I was interested in.  Of course, at the time, I definitely wasn’t.  I just thought he was a cool guy. πŸ™‚  She hasn’t spoken to me since, hasn’t returned any of my phone calls or texts in..oh, about 8 months, and is currently talking behind my back like a 3rd grader.  Would be more forgivable if she wasn’t just shy of turning 40.  Seriously.  At first, I cried whined a bit to FH, but you know what?  He’s right, she IS jealous, and not only that, in reflection, she has never been “around” for any of my successes in the entire 7 years that I’ve known her.  She’s always ready to hash out the details of some drama or heartbreak, but not for the good stuff.  Eh.  I’m happy, my TRUE girlfriends are nothing but excited and supportive of me, and I think I’m just going to let bygone’s be bygone’s with that relationship.     

Post # 26
Member
46 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2012

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@saddlebred:  and the more i said “great!!’, the most she distanced herself from me.  now she just ignored me, that’s  crazy!!

I LOL when I read this!!  Me too πŸ™‚ people can be so weird.

Congrats on your engagement!!

Post # 27
Member
646 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Ohhhhhh is this a pet peeve of mine.  I went through the same thing.

I still wanted to stay friends with the girls who were jealous.  So I was advised that the deal breaker would be if they were bashing my husband.  They weren’t, so I stayed friends with them.

I’m so sorry we have to go through this. It sucks to have resentful friends when we are so happy.

Post # 28
Member
646 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Also, it is perfectly normal to have envy toward someone getting married when they do not have them for themselves and want it.  I remember feeling envious of a friend when they got married.  BUT I was happy for them and helped them have a joyous time.  The emotion of envy is fine, but ACTING IT OUT with hostility is not.

Post # 29
Member
646 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

LOL I see this is an old thread b/c I already answered it ages ago. 

Hope the wedding went well and that things worked out.  

Post # 30
Member
390 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I have a “friend” that found out i was engaged when I asked her to be in my wedding. She said yes. Then right after, she talked her husband into getting married and engaged in a week and then planned a quick wedding at her house so she could get married before me. THEN she didn’t ask me to be in her wedding. I have known her longer than anyone else she asked and then hardly heard a thing, didn’t get an invite until a few days before the wedding (and only a verbal one).. which was too late of notice for my work. She showed up to my work with her makeup and hair done to show me, the day of her wedding, with her maid of honor that she hasn’t known for that long.

So, now I still have her in my wedding, but I want her to witness it. It will be 10x better than her “I have to get married before Michelle does” wedding. πŸ™‚

She did this to me on my birthday as well. The week we were supposed to plan my birthday, she started facebook invites to her birthday bash with a limo… and her birthday wasn’t for months. Needless to say, NOTHING happened for me on my birthday.. nor did she spend time with me.. and I was at the same bar as her.

This is my way of shoving my amazing day down her throat, (one she can’t take away from) and then not being friends with her anymore. May be childish, but I really don’t care at this point πŸ™‚

 

Post # 31
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: May 2013

THIS BLOG HAS SAVED MY SANITY!!!

My Maid/Matron of Honor is my bestfriend from about 6 years now. long story short I was in a long distance relationship with my now Fiance and had to move in order to be in the same city as him.

she and I were living in different cities and she joined my adventure and we are living together while my fiance and I got adjusted to living in the same city.( I made it my rule that I did not want to live with any guy until we were at least engaged) turns out I had to put my life and realtionship on hold while she got adjusted to a new city, she dated many guys and i supported everyone. Everytime our lives got busy I woudl hear “We never hang out anymore and she would be insanely upset”.I spent more time with her than my boyfriend or any friend for that matter,…..but eventually i had to say that I needed to spend more time with my then boyfriend and focus on building up our relationship. I had been more concerned with her hapiness since we moved, (she had never mover before). She got imensely upset and eventually told me she was jealous of me and my guy.

Anyways fast forward to now. the night I got engaged, she cried and I had to ask her if she ws ok!!??!!! WTF!!!

She tells me it was because I “surprised” her, well Duh! ofcourse it was a surprise.

she has been pretty supportive but now, we will be moving out of our apt soon and I know that this is a big change, however she is in a new relationship which she seems very happy about, but she has pulled away from me like no other!

I tried to address all of the weirdness that has been occuring and the non- excitement Ive been feeling ( sad no excitement face everytime i bring up wedding stuff, which is almost never) And she said its bc of all the Big Changes that are happening in our lives.

I was pretty certain that my change was good and her change was good so whats all of the issue?? its not like shes single? she seems super happy, I never see her anymore, shes so happy. so why all the ignoring and distance…ugh i dunno, looks like I just need to ignore it, she says shes happy for me and we will always be friends, but things are weird and not the same at all and I haven’t changed a bit.

there is so much to all of this, but at least I know Im not alone, I love reading all of your stories, I  do not love that we all have to go through this, but I am glad for the support.

Lets hope everyone pulls it together!

 

 

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