(Closed) How to handle MOH

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I completely understand how you feel. One of my Bridesmaid or Best Man at one point was not coming to our rehearsal lunch because she wanted to go to this annual, week long art festival that she’s very involved in. I was hurt because I honestly felt this was the one and only time that I asked her to be there for me and she put partying before me.

Honestly, the first thing I did was write out a long, scathing email which I did not send to her. Ivent to one of our good friends about it and I let myself be mad for just a little while. 

Once I got was over the initial hurt I was feeling, I really started to emphasize to her how much her presence meant to me and that I understood that she was already flying back early for me so that meant a lot. 

I think she ended up feeling a bit guilty, and last weekend at my shower she informed me that she made arrangements to come back in time for the rehearsal. 

I suppose my only advice is – talk to her ad show her the love. If you come off hurt and angry, that might just push her away. Instead, emphasize how important she is to you and that will hopefully it will remind her of how much she too wants to be a part of your celebration. 

Post # 4
Member
1023 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think you two need to have a straightforward heart to heart about what each of you wants and expects in regards to the wedding. What you actually say, I’m not so sure. Just be honest about your feelings.

Post # 5
Member
674 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Oh you and me are on similar boats.

My Maid/Matron of Honor has been my best friend since 2004, not as long as yours but I mean we’ve been like soul mate best friends.
But about 6 months ago or so she hooks up with this 18 year old, she’s 22. He has no job, no car, and now they’re both living with his mother. And her only job is wedding photography which is like maybe once a month if that. Now I wouldn’t care what age he was if he atleast had a job and a car. But my friend is a beautiful girl with loads of talent and she doesn’t see it and it’s like she just wants to be stuck in this crappy lifestyle when she has the potential to do and have so much more.

But anyways, this has nothing to do with this post lol but it’s leading into the fact that they live together and neither of them have a job…so they spend every waking minute together. Yet…when it comes to every calling me or texting me…it’s like pulling teeth. I can’t get her to come dress shopping with me because I can’t seem to fit in her…busy schedule…and yesterday was the peak.
I had texted her 3 days ago to ask when she would be available, she never got back with me so yesterday I sent her a text saying I was available today. She said she couldn’t because Thursdays are date days…with the guy she spends every waking minute with…so I was so mad at her that I drove an hour (I got lost) to find my other friend and gave her her card asking if she would be by bridesmaid. I was going to give it to her Saturday but I had to do it yesterday because I needed to feel like someone was there for me. Now as of last week I was just going to have my Maid/Matron of Honor and that was it but I decided a few days ago that I feel like now she doesn’t even deserve that priviledge of being the only one next to me. If it wouldn’t crush her I would tell her to forget it in general but I’m not that mean. But I will probably end up picking out a dress with out her and that will be her own fault.

Anyways I’m sorry that I just vented all over your vent but I thought maybe if you saw you’re not the only bride being hurt by your Maid/Matron of Honor that it would relieve some worry. Now lets have a group hug! 🙂 🙂

Here’s the best of luck to you and me dealing with our MOH’s.
Just maybe remind her of how important this is to you and how much you need her. A lot of people respond to feeling needed. A call of duty kind of reaction.

Good luck.

Post # 7
Member
674 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

So did this behavior start at the party? Or has it been going on since the engagement? I’m curious if something triggered this, or if she’s just being completely inconsiderate.

But I understand what you mean, at first I was hurt now I’m just pissed and getting to the point where I’m just like F it.

And you’re not being a bad friend. She’s acting as if you’re asking her to come to some casual lunch. This is your wedding.

Maybe try telling her first that you are stressed, and worn out from all the planning and stress, and that you need her and that you understand she has vacation but this your once in a lifetime wedding.
If she’s still acting like this then pull out the big guns and mention that she knew about the wedding before the vacation and tell her that she’s hurting you by acting like it means nothing to her.

I feel your pain. I send more hugs.

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