(Closed) How to handle my mother stealing from us?

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 16
Member
301 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Oh my goodness! This is awful. I’d definitely talk with her about it, even though she probably won’t listen. Have a gentle talk and let her know that YOU know (even if she’s defensive and denies it, this may shame her into never doing it again). And of course lock up your money from now on, don’t let her into the house when you’re not there, etc. 

 

Post # 17
Member
990 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I think that you should definitely get a safe and lock up your valuables as other posters that said, but don’t harden your heart against your mother because she is clearly mentally ill. Don’t let your mom’s guilt trips get to you, that’s probably how she’s been dealing with her illness her entire life! Be straightforward and sad when you have to confront her issues, say things like “I don’t want to hear your excuses mom, I think you are ill and I wish you would get help. Let me know if you’d like my support or help getting a therapist, I will do everything I can for you but I’m not going to pretend that I don’t think there’s a problem.”

Post # 17
Member
990 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I think that you should definitely get a safe and lock up your valuables as other posters that said, but don’t harden your heart against your mother because she is clearly mentally ill. Don’t let your mom’s guilt trips get to you, that’s probably how she’s been dealing with her illness her entire life! Be straightforward and sad when you have to confront her issues, say things like “I don’t want to hear your excuses mom, I think you are ill and I wish you would get help. Let me know if you’d like my support or help getting a therapist, I will do everything I can for you but I’m not going to pretend that I don’t think there’s a problem.”

Post # 20
Member
1849 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

call her on her crap and tell her unfortunately, because of the things she’s done, you’re not comfortable having her in your home right now.

‘how could you accuse me?’ –> because you stole money from my debit card for gas, you stole my ex boyfriend’s mother’s debit card to steal from, you stole the change jar from our home etc. 

the guilt trip and ‘poor little me’ routine should dry up quickly once you point out all the times she’s stolen from you. 

Post # 21
Member
1008 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

View original reply
Anonymous_Bee20:  Don’t let her in your home anymore. It’s sad that it has come to that, but she has to learn that this is not ok anymore and you won’t put up with it. I don’t buy the “poor me” routine she puts on, that is simply a manipulation tactic that she is using to get over on you. She isn’t sick, she is manipulative.

I mean if you have kids, what’s to stop her from stealing from them? Is grandma going to come over and crack open the piggy bank because she wants a little cash? Nip this in the bud now.

Post # 22
Member
6593 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

View original reply
julies1949:  I agree with this advice.  Either stop allowing mom to be alone in your apartment or buy a safe for your money.  Unfortunately you can’t always trust the people you love.  The first time she stole from you could have been an accident but the second time was deliberate.  Thankfully she didn’t steal the entire $600!

Post # 23
Member
3848 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

View original reply
Anonymous_Bee20:   As others have suggested, a fireproof safe, and for a reasonable sum you can purchase a motion activated video device – sort of a nanny cam – which will provide irrefutable proof so you can show her photos of her actions.  I’m sorry you have to deal with this it must be so difficult.   

Post # 24
Member
2265 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

View original reply
Anonymous_Bee20:  Don’t let her back in your home.  Seriously.

If you feel you must, then hide your wallets and any money or valuables like jewelry, don’t handle money in front of her and never leave her alone in a room. 

You should also keep tabs on your credit reports.  She likely has your social security number and from the sounds of it, wouldn’t think twice about opening up lines of credit using your identity.  If she does, press charges.  

Never forget you are dealing with a thief and someone you can’t trust. That means you have to always be alert, guarded and watchful around her.

I’m sorry.

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