- Silver Plum Fairy
- 6 years ago
- Wedding: December 2012
Last July my mom was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. After a few months they realized that the ovarian cancer was a secondary cancer and that what she really had was unknown primary. She was told it was incurable, but possibly treatable (going for chemo to keep the cancer at bay and keeping her alive for possibly years). There was great success in her chemo treatments until early this year, when her cancer count began to rise again. They took her off chemo in late March and my brother and I helped her move across the country to be closer to us. We got her a second opinion. They said she had about a year, but they could try another kind of chemo to see if it could prolong her life, but they said it would only give her months.
After staying in our city for 2 months, my mom began to feel home sick and felt she spent too much time alone. She wanted to go back home and stay with my grandmother and grandfather, who are 90 and 88 respectively. We were reluctant, not wanting to put the burden on our grandparents. (My mom is totally blind and spent her childhood in a school for the blind, basically an institution. Every since this my mom has hated any kind of instution and hates the idea of going into a permanent care facility)
My mom is very stubborn and we couldn’t convince her to stay with us. I took her back home in June.
My mom has continued her chemo treatments, but her condition has worsened and she has lost about 50 pounds and now requires a daily nurse attendant to come see her at my grandparents. She is also now hooked up to a morphine drip.
Last night my cousin, who is a nurse, called me to ask me to convince my mom to go into hospice, but to do so she needs to go off chemo. My cousin says that my mom is dying and it is killing my grandmother. She thinks we will lose them both if my mom is not removed from their home. So I need to ask my mom to go off chemo?
I understand where she is coming from. My mom can be very draining without the illness (she suffers from depression). That doesn’t mean I do not love her, and I feel I’m being asked to tell my mom. “Look you’re dying. You need to receive proper care. Care grandma can’t give you. By demanding this care from grandma you are effectively draining her of her last years. So throw in the towel. Admit defeat and go die by yourself in a hospice.”
I do understand that she should be in a care facility, but I also hate the idea of her being alone in a situation I know she hates and fears. I also care for my grandma and I do not want to lose her too. I do not think it’s fair that my 90 year old grandma is running around getting buckets for my mom when she is sick from chemo. I do not like the idea of my grandparents home turning into a hospital.
I also do not know if the chemo is now robbing my mom of enjoying her last months. A thought I still have trouble wrapping my mind around. My cousin thinks she may not make it into the new year. I do not think my mom will be able to attend my wedding.
I am heart broken. I have never lost anyone I love. I do not know how to handle this. I’ve been trying to prepare myself, I’ve tried to be logical…I just don’t know if I am capable…
I just need some support and advice.