Post # 1
So, we have only started planning our wedding this past week. We set a date for March! Fastly approaching…I know.! lol. I am already feeling overwhelmed. Not because of anything but other people pushing their ideas on me for my day! I have one aunt in particular that shoots down everything I say about my wedding and is totally trying to take it over. From who I invite to my colors to the venue to the city that we have it in! I don’t want to hurt her feelings but she is stressing me out! How did you handle people trying to take over your wedding ideas? I don’t want to hurt her or make her feel like I don’t want her apart but it’sour day!
Post # 3
AHHHH!!! you sound just like i did a few weeks ago. Ultimatly its YOUR wedding, you get the final say in how its done. just relax, people get nuts about weddings…
Post # 4
You dont tell anyone who doesnt need to know the details much. You say things like “we are still deciding” and when something is decided you can say “I want it to be a surprise or “Thanks for your input, but this has been paid for/we made our final decision”
Post # 5
As hard as it is, just don’t talk about it! At least to her. Do you have anyone you can bounce ideas off of who’ll be honest but not try to take control? Mom or sister or a good friend?
Post # 6
Future Mother-In-Law gives me a lot of advice without me asking. I simply say, “oh thanks, I’ll consider it!” or ‘I never thought of that, I’ll give it some thought.” That way you aren’t brushing her off, but you aren’t committing, either.
Post # 7
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
1. Don;t talk about your wedding plans. If someone asks, be vague or be outrageous enough to make their jaw hang open.
2. When they offer advice/criticism/etc. just nod your head, smile, and make non-committal verbalizations. “mmmhmmm” “really?” “I see” “that’s an interesting suggestion” “I’ll take that under advisement” And then do whatever you please. As long as you respect your guests as people and assure their comfort, you’ve met your obligations as a host, and everyone can STFU. 🙂
Post # 8
@mepayne: Yes I do. However, lately, she has been constantly calling and trying to take control!! Sooooo stressful!
Post # 9
I am planning my own wedding and paying for it as well. I used to try and be nice to ask people about their thoughts (really I just wanted oh that is cute or whatever)…well my Future Mother-In-Law would always asks WHY this or WHY that? Blah blah blah and it REALLY just started making me mad…I worked soo hard on this and you are REALLY going to ask me WHY THIS?! GRR LOL
I have learned to not ask for approval, opinions, thoughts, etc from her anymore and I have learned that I really dont want her opinion anyways (her taste isn’t good in my opinion) PLUS I AM PAYING FOR IT…SO WHY DO I CARE WHAT SHE THINKS?!?! (I know..sometimes I am that sad little puppy that just wants approval or confirmation that I am doing good). LOL
Instead I lean on my Grandma and SO for input. (Although my SO just says yeah it looks good..lol sometimes its all you need to hear)! LOL
Post # 10
Thank them…and ignore them!! Do not try to please or listen to everybody. Smile politely or just say ‘oh I haven’t thought about that yet but I plan to soon’ and do your own thing.
Post # 11
@rrobins7: Don’t answer your phone! Or make the convo short by saying “That’s my boss calling/dentist calling/mom calling I have to go” and promply hang up.
I would take the bull by the horns and tell her you thank her for her imput, but she is casuing you a lot of stress and as the bride and groom all final decisions are yours alone.
Even IF she is giving you money….
Post # 12
@LuvMySailor: Nobody is contributing! Me and my Fi are doing it all! Yet, ppl have so many suggestions on everything! Ughh.
Post # 13
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
@rrobins7: It’s about establishing boundaries with people. I think well-meaning family members who have watched us grow-up often still view us as childern who need to be guided and told what to do. It’s hard for them to change their own perspective and view us as adults making our own decisions. So we need to help them make the transition by establishing some boundaries. I think it’s time for you to establish some boundaries with your aunt.
Post # 14
everything is kept under wraps…
-I pretend like things haven’t been planned or thought about or booked
-I lie when asked about certain things
-I say “oh, well it’s a surprise- you’ll have to wait”
… basically the LESS you tell them… the LESS they can object!
Post # 15
“That’s an interesting idea. I’ll have to think about it. Thanks.” And turn the subject to something else.
Frustrating for sure but doesn’t need to be any more of a problem than you let it become.
Post # 16
I’d let it go through one ear and out the other, that’s what I have been doing. I acknowledge their idea but know its not gonna happen. Some people just feel the need to give an opinion when not even asked for said opinion. I believe this makes them feel like you are taking it into consideration but I know it’s not happening. I’ve been told NO you need to invite way more people… My response…ok:) lol knowing only immediate family are invited. Also have gotten some back handed compliments when not even asking for opinions, like my wedding dress is cute. It’s not a dog, it’s a wedding dress lol people just feel the need sometimes to speak without asking for their opinions, either because they didn’t fill a void when they had there wedding or honestly they are know it alls. But it’s you and your SO’s day, point.blank.period!:-) you could always go the southerners route and say…Well Bless Your Heart for thinking of me and my wedding…translation….Back off 🙂