Post # 1
Here’s the basics of my dilemma:
My family lives 9 hours west of my fiance and I. HIS family lives 4 hours EAST of us. So there’s a good 13 hour distance between our families.
MY family will be throwing me a bridal shower, back home. Do we invite fiance’s family out of common courtesy? I am afraid they will think that we ‘expected’ them to travel there for the shower if we do. I also don’t want them to feel that they have to send a gift to my sister’s house for me to open at this shower.
What I’d LIKE to happen is for somone on fiance’s side to offer up to host a bridal shower with his side of the family. But I don’t know if I should just ask his mom or stepmom to do this or if that is rude. I don’t want them to feel like I’m being greedy asking for 2 showers.
Post # 3
Ask Future Mother-In-Law what her preference is. I did not put out of town guests on the invite list, b/c I didn’t want it to seem gift-grabby.
Post # 4
My Future Mother-In-Law lives about 2,000 miles away. My sister sent her a shower invitation so a-she could feel invited and b-she could have it as a keepsake. We were all aware she woudln’t be attending. We did the same for my elderly great-grandmother.
Post # 5
I would. For my sister’s baby shower, I invited her in-laws who live 2 states away. I know they have the capacity to travel, and it was the only shower she was getting. Why not send invites?
Post # 6
I’ve been invited to my friends’ showers even though I lived in another state. They told me they didn’t expect me to be there, but that they wanted me to feel included. I would say invite her but also have a conversation with her about not expecting them to be there.
Post # 7
Personally, I would not invite out of towners. If I were invited to a shower thirteen hours away, I would view it as a gift-grab. But, I’m also not the sort that would ever view a weeding shower invitation as a keepsake.
Post # 8
I would talk to your Future Mother-In-Law. Even if you don’t flat out ask her to throw a shower, you can ask what she wants to do, if she thinks you should invite their family, if it makes sense to have a second event, etc. My Future Mother-In-Law wouldn’t have thought of it on her own (she’s wonderful but totally wedding-naive), so my mom told her there would be a shower in my hometown and asked if she was planning on throwing one in FI’s hometown that her family/friends could attend. My Future Mother-In-Law was thrilled and excited, but it never would’ve happened if we hadn’t brought it up.
Post # 9
@blu77: and @BrideForADay_WifeForALifetime: Exactly my fear…I don’t want to seem like I’m being greedy but I don’t want to hurt people’s feelings.
@southerntransplant: and @southerntransplant: I’m not that concerned about my Future Mother-In-Law and grandparents because I can explain to them that they’ll get an invite but that I do’nt expect them to come or send a gift. I’m more worrie dabout the 14 aunts and dozens of cousins that are on FI’s side that would “normally” be invited.
@Miss OBG: I talked to my sister (MOH) this weekend and we decided she would email my bridesmaids (2 of them live in my current city) and include my FMIL — she’s going to basically bring it up and see if they ‘bite’ at having a second shower. That way I’m not the one asking, and my sister is just wondering how many invites to send. 🙂
Post # 10
Ask Future Mother-In-Law for her opinion about it without asking her to throw a shower. She’ll feel great that you value her opinion and maybe she’ll get the idea to have a shower for you if her opinion is that your family should not send her family invitations.
Post # 11
I would invite Future Mother-In-Law and any future SIL’s to your family shower, but not the aunties, cousins etc.
I would never bring up someone hosting a shower for me. Either they offer of they don’t. It’s not something you can politely ask IMO.