(Closed) how to handle parents insisting on inviting the whole world

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
853 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

would your venue hold everyone? that’s a good rationale – mum, the space will not be big enough!

Post # 4
Member
778 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

You just have to be frank with them.  They may complain, but you are right, it’s your wedding.  Luckily they aren’t paying for the wedding so it gives you the upper hand.  If you want to soften the blow, say that the reception site you chose only allows for X amount of people, and that your guest list is already at that number.  You can also say that you’ll send a wedding announcement to those people she would have like to invite, pre-print them and make sure they go out the day after wedding.

Post # 5
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

You are in a great situation – they don’t have control because of $$. My parents are paying for my wedding and their guest list is so out of hand I can only invite a few of my own friends.

If you want to be nice, ask them for a list of people they would invite if you had unlimited funds and promise to B list some of them. But also tell them you want a small wedding and you aren’t trying to offend anyone. That way, you are inviting their input, but making sure they understand it’s up to you and your fh.

Post # 6
Member
61 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Ugh! I feel your pain, my Future Mother-In-Law keeps inviting people that we don’t even know to our wedding! I don’t think there is any easy way to say it. Could you compromise by asking your mom to stick within a specific number range?

Post # 7
Member
3332 posts
Sugar bee

I second NYBride’s idea–choose a venue that simply won’t fit extra people.  We were in the same situation (we paid, but my Mother-In-Law wanted to add everyone she’s ever met), but we booked a room that would only hold 120 MAXIMUM.  That way, we had to cut the list down to a number that we were more comfortable with.  She could offer to pay anything she wanted, but we didn’t have the space and had already put our deposit down on our dream venue, so she had to deal with it.

Outside of this, I think the best thing to do is to have a conversation with your parents.  Explain that it’s really important to you two to keep your guest list smaller and list the reasons why.  You can even suggest to her that they can host a separate party/reception to invite all the extra people you couldn’t accomodate at the wedding.  We suggested this to my ILs and although they decided against it, it seemed to placate her for a while.

Post # 9
Member
7 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I agree that you should book a place that can’t hold too many people. However, it might not solve everything. I did something like that, and my mom kept adding people even after I repeatedly told her we’d be violating fire codes. Her reasoning–no one would be counting heads at the door, so why should it matter? She was actually going to post my invite at work and have people show up, regardless of whether I sent them an invitation! (I just gave in and sent them invites after that). Now, we’re having a tent outside at our small reception location…she found a way to squeeze everyone in!

I think you’ll have it easier because your parents aren’t paying for the wedding (mine are). Just wanted to let you know that sometimes headstrong parents will find a way!

As for me, I just decided to let my mom have her way. So I won’t know everyone at my wedding? Big deal! (It took me a really long time to reach that sentiment, btw). I don’t think I’ll care down the road. Hopefully, you’ll find a way to get through to your parents that a limited guest list is important. But don’t let it ruin your day if you can’t!

Post # 11
Member
647 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

You are lucky they aren’t paying.  Since both of our parents are contributing, our guest list is ginormous!  I would just be honest, and tell them you want an intimate wedding with your closest family and friends.

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