Post # 1
I’m still new to the Hive and am really enjoying getting the opinions of people who are or have been in the same situation as me. When Mr. Pi and I were still bf/gf we always got the “When are you going to get married?’ question, usually followed by “Oh…you don’t need to wait, blah blah blah.” Once we got engaged (8 months ago after 3 1/2 years together…long, but not really), the new favorite question is “So…when are you having a baby” and “Why would you wait?” (Yeah…that one got me). It really doesn’t bother me when the person asking is a family member, but it does when it’s other people (co-workers, hairdresser, etc.). So….
How did you handle these prying questions in a polite way?
Did anyone have to be a bit more blunt with people asking? What’d you say?
Post # 3
I think the best way is just to give a non-committal answer but make it clear it’s not open for discussion. In terms of the baby question, maybe something along the lines of “Oh we haven’t decided yet, but you’ll be the first to know!” with a wink so it lets them know how ridiculous for thinking it’s any of their business.
Post # 4
@KatiePi: I have always followed Dear Abby’s advice for handling people who ask intrusive questions. Respond with ” Why would you ask that question?”
Post # 5
@KatiePi: say “when we are ready”
Post # 6
I feel your pain. I get asked this all the time! My sister just had her baby and they seem to ask more now! It does get annoying after a while. I honestly just give them a crazy look (when they pry) lol and say nope not right now and they get it. i did that to the few that didn’t get my first polite response. 🙂
Post # 7
I completely understand! FI and I have been together for 7 years and throughout the whole planning process we’ve been asked about having a baby.
Our response is usually along the lines of: “Oh, I don’t know, maybe sometime next year!”
Also, since I’ll be 30 in January, I also get “Well, you better not wait too long, you’re getting old!” comments…sheeesh…
We are currently looking at buying a house, so I feel the same way when people constantly ask me “Have you bought your house yet?” As if we can just go to the house store and pick out the perfect house in a weekend.
Post # 8
@KatiePi: I lived in a VERY small town, and the town drunk came up to me at the bar and started in on why we don’t have kids yet after a year of marriage. I told her we have a dog, and she went on and on about how that can’t be in place of a child because a dog can’t give you what a child can. I am in my prime at 25, yadda yadda yadda.
I just looked at her and smiled and nodded. What else do you do? They don’t realise how rude they are. They don’t know if maybe you have been trying unsuccessfully, had a miscarriage, or anything. There is always going to be people asking those rude, prying questions, and you just have to smile and nod. You can be blunt, and I think I would if the same person pried too much (like DH’s grandma and mom) but if it is just one time from certain people I would be polite.
Post # 9
I always like the answers “dont worry about it.” “none of your damn buisness.” “Why do you care it’s my life.” or at times when I really dont like the person I ask an equally rude question back.
Post # 10
@ajillity81: This or, “I don’t know, in a couple of years or so,” and then change the subject.
Post # 11
@julies1949: +1. I like this response. I’d also be happy to say, “that’s really none of your business. I’m uncomfortable answering you, so I can’t believe you’d be comfortable asking me.”
People need to be put in their place sometimes or it never ends.
Post # 12
@KatiePi: I actually laugh at those questions. And follow up with “Don’t know yet”. No one needs to know our plans, heck I don’t think we even know them. And I don’t want to give anything away in case things don’t go according to plan. I’m a fairly laid back easy person, so these things don’t tend to bother me or rub me the wrong way. I have no issues being blunt with people.
Post # 13
People bug me about having kids all the time. And then they argue with me. I’ve recently discovered that if I say, “I’d probably be one of those moms that drowns all the kids in the bathtub” they stop asking.
Post # 14
I politely inform people that every time they ask me when I’ll have a baby, I’ll administer 3 sucker punches to my uterus to ensure that A: Having a baby will take longer to spite them. B: They would put me at risk of never having a baby at all.
This works especially well with my mother.
Or you can tell them that the content of your uterus is nobody’s business except you and your SO’s. You’ll get around to breeding when you feel like it.
Post # 15
Haha! I’m loving these suggestions everyone. Thanks! I am a teacher (teach Freshman) so I am really used to prying, uncomfortable questions. With them though, I’m pretty skilled in either just staring at them with a “Really? Why is that your business?” or something along those lines. It just took me off guard how many people think you personal choices are their business. I will start using some of these comebacks and see if they take the hint!
Post # 16
@megz06: Wow…that has just got to be a blast to deal with. I’m the same age (will be 25 a few weeks before the wedding). I think there is plenty of time for kids. I’d rather take some time and enjoy being a married couple. Once that baby arrives, there is no more just the two of you.