(Closed) How to handle post-holiday questions and comments.?

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 16
Member
953 posts
Busy bee

I don’t think everything is always ill meaning. Especially if your so around.  I find women will ask you, in front of him or within earshot of him in an effort to give him thier own little kick in the butt to do it. 

Now snarky co-workers..that’s a whole other lot.

Post # 17
Member
592 posts
Busy bee

I usually responded with something like “in due time” or “when we’re ready”. Close friends knew my struggle so the conversation was avoided all together – most times. I started a new job less than a year ago so none of my coworkers knew my struggle so that was avoided as well.  

The one person I was 100% honest with my feelings was my future mother in law. She asked me during Thanksgiving and not wanting to be rude and snarky I told her how I felt. she is a really sweet lady and I love her to death, the reason I was so honest with her was that I just wanted the questions to stop. 

Post # 19
Member
11 posts
Newbee

 

I had a co-worker loudly ask if I got engaged over the holiday.  I just said “no. it’ll happen when we’re ready.”  (please note, this is the same co-worker who said getting engaged at xmas was tacky and cliche… so really no answer would have appeased her, I’m sure). 

“Ask him” comment: I’ve used that before.  It was very early in our relationship and a little kid asked when we were getting married, I was so flustered I just said “Go ask Boyfriend or Best Friend.” The kid just looked confused and walked away.

Post # 20
Member
8 posts
Newbee

I know how this feels… “WOW when are you two getting married?” “Geez, seems like you guys have been together forever…”

It’s like hmm well how do you think I feel lol?!

Post # 21
Member
63 posts
Worker bee

Your story sounds very familiar!  For most people who said, “Gee I’m kind of surprised you didn’t get engaged” I respond, “Nope!  Not yet” big smile.  Then change the subject.

Post # 22
Member
270 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

My SO invited my mom and me over to his mom’s house to celebrate his birthday (it was the first time our mom’s met since we’ve been together); while there, his friend and his wife and little baby stop by.  Everyone is cooing over the baby.  

Then his friend blurts out (in front of my mother, his mother, his grandmother, and basically the whole family): “When are you two gonna have one, eh??”

I was kinda mortified (mostly for my mom), but snarked right back, holding up my left hand and pointing to my ring finger:  “Some things have to come first!” 

Post # 23
Member
270 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

A coworker of mine always stops in after any major holiday and literally checks my hands.   He’s very nice, but a bit nosy.  He’ll even comment to me about other women in the office in long term relationships who aren’t engaged yet.  (Like it’s any of my business!)   

This was our very first Christmas together, so he comes by and says “Well, of course you wouldn’t expect one this year — but certainly next Christmas!”  — I just laugh, because I know his comments don’t mean to be harmful.

I cringe reading some of the barbed comments here, though… “Surprised to see you here, I thought he would have planned a proposal…”??!  Ouch!  I think that’s rude.  I would tell them to mind their own business!  If they are truly friends, I might consider pulling them aside privately and explaining that your feelings were hurt at their question, and you know they’re just curious, but you are feeling sensitive about the topic and you’d be open to discussing privately if you felt they had any legitimate concerns about your relationship.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 11 months ago by  zippy85.

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