(Closed) How to handle questions about the wedding from people who will not be invited..?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010 - Ocean View Villas/Jasmine Seafood Restaurant

These types of discussion can be ackward no doubt.  I remember talking to someone and asking about their wedding plans and the person started with “Oh, it’s a small wedding.”  And I was taken back a bit.  I kept thinking, “well, I wasn’t prying for an invitation.  I just wanted to know about your wedding plans.”  So I think honesty here is good.  The person wouldn’t ask if s/he wasn’t interested.  And if the question about whether or not s/he is invited, just be honest.  That’s just my opinion though.  Sometimes it can be more difficult if the person is on your B list or something.  Good luck.

Post # 4
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’d just try to keep the conversation to a minimum. Just give vague answers and change the subject.

It’s sooo awkward though. My boss’s wife was in our office and asked me about the date and then turned to her husband and said “Did you make sure to write that down?”. They’re not invited, I’m not inviting anyone from my office. We already have a list of 140 and I only wanted 80 or 90 total (or 50 for that matter) – so my office of 20 people plus spouses would be half our guest list!

Post # 5
Member
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I think you answer their questions (try to be short and to the point) and be prepared to respond to the “Am I invited?” question.  I think even with the size you are at – you could mention how you wish you could invite everyone, but have to limit it to family.  I sometimes say that even Fiance and I aren’t inviting all of our extended families – that puts things into perspective for most people.

Post # 6
Member
1426 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I wouldn’t shut them down entirely, they may just be curious.  I mean, I have a co-worker who is also getting married, but neither of us is invited to  the other’s wedding. We still like to talk weddings sometimes though.  So I would keep the conversations light, don’t get into too much detail, but don’t shut people down either.  I mean, I always love to hear what people’s dresses are like even if I know I’m not invited to the wedding.

Also, even if your wedding isn’t really small, doesn’t mean you can’t say it is.  I mean, these people won’t be there to see differently, right? 😉

Post # 7
Member
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I just answer their questions.  We are having a crazy, big wedding because Fiance has so much family!  I am only inviting a few coworkers and they know they are the only ones I am inviting.  I have decided that when people ask, i will answer…I just try not to talk about it without being asked.

Post # 9
Member
279 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I keep it light and kind of slyly get in the conversation that Wow, I’m amazed how much goes into even a smaller family wedding, but that it’s been so fun to be able to include our closest family members in such a sweet celebration. If it helps, I then turn the topic to a summer picnic we’re having for those people who aren’t invited to the wedding due to space issues. Most people immediately understand and look forward to the picnic.

Post # 10
Member
762 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I actually bring it up and say, “we would have loved to invite you, but<insert excuse>. Mine are, we can only fit 100 people at our venue, I have a large family, parents and FIL’s want to invite 90 people and they are paying… All true in my case so not really excuses.

Post # 11
Member
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

First of all, nice date! ;-).  Secondly, I would just say, “We’re still working out some of the details, but planning is going really well.”  Then change the subject lol.   In regards to the dress, tell them you aren’t telling anyone anything about the dress.

Post # 12
Member
21 posts
Newbee

What if the question is “Can my family and I come to your wedding?” I get posts on facebook and people calling me about this……I cannot use the small wedding excuse…ours is around 460 guests….hoping about 300 show up……I just dont want to invite people I am not that good of friends with. The people we invited are family, friends and close family friends…..we have big families……I just dont know how to say “NO” to people who ask. Any ideas?

Post # 13
Member
745 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@futuremrsgee: It doesn’t matter if it’s 50 people and it’s majority your family or 400 people and majority your family.  All you have to tell people is that it’s 99% family and very few friends.  Ignore the facebook posts, and if people call say you’re still working out the guestlist to accomodate your family.

it’s really nobody’s business.  We are having 250 and literally 220 of those are family – aunts, uncles, 1st cousins, not over extended family – people I see regularly (and there is family I am NOT inviting). I tell people all the time that it’s 95% family and that’s that, they get it.

Post # 14
Member
60 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think how you respond to wedding questions really depends on the person asking.  I get asked about my wedding plans all the time by ladies in my office when I’m in the break room or something and I know that they’re just making small talk and in no way shape or form are expecting an invite.  But there are other people who maybe you are closer to who have not made the cut, and in those cases you should tread more lightly.  There’s nothing wrong with talking to them about the wedding, but you don’t want to lead them on either.

Post # 15
Member
1732 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

It’s awkward, but if they ask, it is not bad form to talk about it.  Answer their questions and move on.  People love weddings, even if they aren’t attending – and some people do ask those questions to fish for an invite.  Not your bad manners!

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