(Closed) How to handle the dreaded "When are you going to have kids" prying

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
47278 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

katelyndawn89:  “We will have children when we both feel ready to be parents, not a moment sooner.”

Post # 3
Member
176 posts
Blushing bee

It’s super rude for anyone to ask about your reproductive plans. When people ask me inappropriate questions like that, I respond with “Why do you ask?”  For most people, this will be enough to make them realize they are prying and back off.  

Post # 4
Member
4505 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I totally hear you. I also think that question is such a violation. It’s not something I have ever asked anyone, not my sister, not my closest friends. It just feels wrong to me. I’m always surprised when others ask this question…and yet they do! As you already know. 

So, I think the best way to deal with it is with a kind, straightforward “I’m not sure when we will have kids. We will let you know if we are ever expecting. So, did you watch Downton Abbey this season?” Or whatever… Haha. 🙂 My point is–deflect and then divert. Don’t get pressured into giving away more info than you want. It is a rude question, even though I know people don’t mean it rudely. 

Post # 5
Member
2257 posts
Buzzing bee

I always say “we haven’t made that decision yet.” and then move on. You don’t owe anyone any more than that.

Post # 6
Member
7898 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Before I met Darling Husband, my grandma would always ask me if I was dating anyone and when I was getting married. I would just laugh and say that I was too busy studying or working. That answer would still be appropriate if she asks me now when we’re going to have kids.

Grandmas mean well. I think sometimes the generation gap (and in my case, a cultural gap since she emigrated as an adult) changes the range of things you can talk about with your grandparents. 

 

Post # 7
Member
2664 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Ketchum, ID

katelyndawn89:  I’d say exactly this: “We’ll have kids when we’re ready to, and we’re not ready now. Next question?” haha

Post # 8
Member
1189 posts
Bumble bee

People are so nosy. It’s your damn womb. They should have no say or knowledge about what occurs inside of it!! Until you’re ready to have a baby and tell them, they shouldn’t be asking!

Post # 10
Member
2699 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

I’ve asked this question sometimes for lack of a better way to engage. Same as asking a child how school is, it’s not that you’re prying it’s just that your trying to make conversation. For myself I answer three different ways

acquaintance – We are still discussing a timeline

friend- not yet I want to be a little further in my career

family – I want to be further in my career but the drop dead date is next June.

Post # 12
Member
2699 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

katelyndawn89:  probably…lol comes from a lifetime of only having guy friends…lol

Post # 13
Member
2530 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I have been asked this question by friends at work but I’ve never felt it to be in a prying way so I’ve always answered honestly. 

I have heard of a good response if you’re in-laws ask. “Oh so you want to know when me and your son/grandson are going to have unprotected sex?” 

It can make them feel a little uncomfortable because essentially that’s what they are asking!

Post # 14
Member
193 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

katelyndawn89:  You are most certainly not alone in your feelings! I get this all the time, it can feel super awkward (especially at work!)!!!

I’m 26 and I still feel like there are so many things I want to do / see / achieve before children are worked into the mix 😀

Post # 15
Member
2406 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

Just throw it away, with a cute little “You never know!” which is not really an answer, but you don’t have to be honest. It is your business, alone.

If a person keeps pressing about it, just divert it. Ask about their cat, or their hobby.

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