Post # 1
So first of all this is probably not the majority of women, I think most women can’t wait to start having babies. That’s not me – though there is nothing wrong with women who wanna start making babies right away after they get married, but that’s just not me. I am a person who is in my mid-twenties and I know for sure I am nowhere near ready to have kids yet. I am thinking between 30-35. I am just getting out of college and haven’t really lived life yet. I want to travel and stuff. I have no experience with kids because I’m the youngest no cousins etc.
Anyways, I am pretty sure I want 1 kid at least and my fiance does for sure want a kid or two so I’m willing to start a family when I’m ready. But the thought of having kids right NOW scares me because I’m nowhere near ready, and the thought of having them anytime soon makes me quite anxious. <br /><br />So, I’m wondering how other women who are in a similar boat as me handle the many questions of, “When are you going to have kids?” My fiance’s grandma always mentions how she wants us to have babies right away and it really makes me upset because I feel like it is kind of a violation. I know that is not how ANYONE intends for that question to come across but personally I find that it is a pressuring prying and kind of a rude thing to bring up when I’m not even married yet, and it honestly is a private thing between me and my future husband that we will discuss together and it’s not anyone’s business! When people bring it up I just want to nip it in the bud and say everytime you bring it up I’m going to add another month of waiting on to it. Maybe I’m just a special case. I can liken it to a guy who isn’t ready to get married and all his friends and family grill him on when he is going to pop the question which makes him feel uncomfortable and sweaty… it’s not like he will never GET married… just not anytime soon… and when people ask it makes him want to wait longer.
Anyone else know what I mean? <br /><br />Especially at the wedding… thats the last thing I want to hear on my wedding day :/ I just want to enjoy being young and married, and graduating college and actually making money for once and travelling and having fun. ya know? I’ll be 26 soon and I know that is a very nice age for procreating for some women but not me.
Post # 2
katelyndawn89: “We will have children when we both feel ready to be parents, not a moment sooner.”
Post # 3
It’s super rude for anyone to ask about your reproductive plans. When people ask me inappropriate questions like that, I respond with “Why do you ask?” For most people, this will be enough to make them realize they are prying and back off.
Post # 4
I totally hear you. I also think that question is such a violation. It’s not something I have ever asked anyone, not my sister, not my closest friends. It just feels wrong to me. I’m always surprised when others ask this question…and yet they do! As you already know.
So, I think the best way to deal with it is with a kind, straightforward “I’m not sure when we will have kids. We will let you know if we are ever expecting. So, did you watch Downton Abbey this season?” Or whatever… Haha. 🙂 My point is–deflect and then divert. Don’t get pressured into giving away more info than you want. It is a rude question, even though I know people don’t mean it rudely.
Post # 5
I always say “we haven’t made that decision yet.” and then move on. You don’t owe anyone any more than that.
Post # 6
Before I met Darling Husband, my grandma would always ask me if I was dating anyone and when I was getting married. I would just laugh and say that I was too busy studying or working. That answer would still be appropriate if she asks me now when we’re going to have kids.
Grandmas mean well. I think sometimes the generation gap (and in my case, a cultural gap since she emigrated as an adult) changes the range of things you can talk about with your grandparents.
Post # 7
- Wedding: September 2015 - Ketchum, ID
katelyndawn89: I’d say exactly this: “We’ll have kids when we’re ready to, and we’re not ready now. Next question?” haha
Post # 8
People are so nosy. It’s your damn womb. They should have no say or knowledge about what occurs inside of it!! Until you’re ready to have a baby and tell them, they shouldn’t be asking!
Post # 9
Thanks guys, I’m glad you understand. It gets me so steamed!! That’s exactly right.. it’s my womb. Furthermore when I will get pregnant I am not going to tell everyone either, I will wait the appropriate amount of time.. 3 months?? It’s no ones business, it makes me feel like the family cat and people are waiting for me to pump out litters.. this isn’t the 1920s anymore lol I appreciate your advice. Funny thing though… our MC’s are actually super hilarious and we’ve told them to tell a lot of jokes and make sure people laugh and have a good time. I’ve told one of them when they list off the rules of the evening like how to make us kiss and stuff, that she will mention “inquiries and prying of when the couple is to procreate is off limits” in a funny way… I hope that gets the point across.
Post # 10
I’ve asked this question sometimes for lack of a better way to engage. Same as asking a child how school is, it’s not that you’re prying it’s just that your trying to make conversation. For myself I answer three different ways
acquaintance – We are still discussing a timeline
friend- not yet I want to be a little further in my career
family – I want to be further in my career but the drop dead date is next June.
Post # 11
jily: gotcha, might wanna think of different ways to engage… some women find it rude and nosey, unless you know the person is dying to have babies
Post # 12
katelyndawn89: probably…lol comes from a lifetime of only having guy friends…lol
Post # 13
I have been asked this question by friends at work but I’ve never felt it to be in a prying way so I’ve always answered honestly.
I have heard of a good response if you’re in-laws ask. “Oh so you want to know when me and your son/grandson are going to have unprotected sex?”
It can make them feel a little uncomfortable because essentially that’s what they are asking!
Post # 14
katelyndawn89: You are most certainly not alone in your feelings! I get this all the time, it can feel super awkward (especially at work!)!!!
I’m 26 and I still feel like there are so many things I want to do / see / achieve before children are worked into the mix 😀
Post # 15
Just throw it away, with a cute little “You never know!” which is not really an answer, but you don’t have to be honest. It is your business, alone.
If a person keeps pressing about it, just divert it. Ask about their cat, or their hobby.