Post # 1
Looking for advice. My Fiance has a big family and lots of family friends (lots of them friends/colleagues of his parents). His guest list is about 140-150 people, mine is about 30-40 people.
FI’s parents are wonderful and have offered to pay for more than 3/4 of the wedding. They didn’t offer us a flat dollar amount though. They wanted to see what we anticipated spending in each category, with a breakdown of the budget, including what we could afford to spend ourselves. Then they gave us the number they felt comfortable with, and strongly implied that most of it should be spent on the menu.
Anyway, Fiance and I wanted to spend about $4K on the wedding plus a $4K honeymoon, for a total of $8K. FI’s parents saw this on the budget breakdown we showed them, and have sort of hinted that we are budgeting too much for the honeymoon.
I’m hoping it doesn’t come up again, but if it does, I’m not sure how to handle it. The honeymoon is important to me, and I don’t think I should have to sacrifice it b/c there are lots of people on the guest list (although I know this is important to FI- not just FI’s parents). We could have done a small wedding for $4K and still done the honeymoon. I know it is complicated when people contribute money… I’m just feeling sort of… frustrated. I feel like it’s none of their business, but I know I can’t say that b/c they are contributing. Advice?
Post # 3
Can I ask for clarification?? Are his parents helping with the wedding and the honeymoon?? Or just the wedding?? Because if they’re just helping with the wedding, then their opinions on the honeymoon shouldn’t matter.
And if they are helping with the honeymoon and you don’t want to budge with that budget, just a simple, “Oh I just want to have my dream honeymoon. It’s our first trip as husband and wife and I want it to be perfect. We’ll never get another shot at a honeymoon, and I want to enjoy my new husband.”
Best of luck.
Post # 4
What exactly is their issue? They don’t want you to spend that much or they want you to spend more for the wedding so they don’t have to? If they don’t think you should spend that much just stand your ground and say you know it’s alot but it’s the one vacation that you should spend more and that no other vacation should top it!
Post # 5
I guess that is where it gets funny… They haven’t said they would contribute to specific things. They just gave a dollar amount after reviewing our budget. If, for example, we didn’t have a honeymoon at all, we could theoretically take that $4K and spend it on the wedding, thus making their contribution $4K less. I think that is what they are thinking.
Post # 6
What type of wedding are you planning to have? When you mention $4000 for apx 175 people, and them having a problem with it, my first thought is that maybe they are concerned that you may need to cut back on the honeymoon and will need to spend more on the wedding? Don’t get me wrong, you can have a totally nice wedding on that budget- but is that maybe their concern? It does get tricky when parents are contributing- because then you have to hear the opinion on everything! Good Luck!
Post # 7
If that’s the case and you really are 100% how they’re paying for things, then just pay for the honeymoon yourself so that way they don’t have a say in the honeymoon budget and more of their money will go towards the wedding once they seem to be inviting so many people anyways.
Post # 8
I think the wedding and honeymoon are two totally separate expenses. Just because they are contributing to the wedding does not entitle them to either know how much you are spending on the honeymoon or dictate how much you should spend. You and your Fiance have decided that you want to spend $4K on the wedding and that’s totally reasonable. If they want to invite so many guests, making it impossible to have a wedding on the 4K budget,then they should help pay for those guests – whatever the cost may be. I just dont see how they can tell you to take money away from your other personal expenses to accommodate their guests.
and for the record, $4K for a honeymoon is definitely not that much at all! FH and I are taking a 1 week vacation next month that we think we got a great deal on and it’s costing about $3500 (not including expenses while on vacation). so yeah, $4K is not that much for a honeymoon.
Post # 9
i think if they offered to pay for the wedding that you shouldnt include the honeymoon expenses when you showed them your budget. if your wedding is 4K then they will pay 3/4 of that 4K, rather than 3/4 of 8K which includes your honeymoon.
Post # 10
@bells: and @eeniebeans: I think the OP meant that she wanted to contribute $4K to the overall cost of the wedding and for the parents to contribute the rest, not that she wanted the whole wedding budget to be $4K.
Post # 11
What I meant was that we could have had a small, intimate wedding for $4,000 and still go on a $4,000 honeymoon.
The Fiance (and his parents) have a 150+ guest list… so it is costing much more than $4K. This is why the parents wanted to contribute.
Post # 12
Maybe you can say they can pay for food for “their” guests and the cost to have a larger venue. Then you can pay for everything else and spend however much you want on it. In other words you can tell them you will pay for everything you would have had for the small wedding if they will pay for the extra guests. I’d definitely ask them to pay for specific things, though. Maybe you can give them the quotes for the food for a small and large wedding and ask them to pay the caterer, etc.
Post # 13
rachelss has good ideas. I agree with Meowkers that the wedding and honeymoon are separate issues and should be treated as such from here on out.
From a parent’s perspective, I’d be a little reluctant to give $4k for a wedding when I knew $4k was being spent on a honeymoon. We don’t spend that on our own anniversary celebrations. Please understand that high dollar honeymoons weren’t taken when we started out. Just a little info to put things in perspective. I’m truly not being judgemental, just trying to help you understand an older person’s views. Honestly? I’d prefer not to know how much is being spent on the honeymoon. 🙂
I think splitting the costs with regard to the number of invitees is the way to go. We have a similar situation, and I’d be more than agreeable with that. Best wishes.
Post # 14
I came up with a good solution I think. You want a romantic laid-back reception. You have a Sunday night reception. What about having a first look @ 5, then have a simple sandwich for the family, veggie tray, fruit & cheese, or something like that. Set up simple decor. Then have photos. Have your wedding start @ 7:00–And then have a dessert and sparkling wine and dancing reception begin at 7:30. You could have globe lights strung up in the tent, and then simple flowers and candles on the tables? I have some great ideas that you might like for that. 🙂 I sent you some PMs.