(Closed) How to handle this…?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
3583 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Well then I would suggest she stop drinking.  o_O

Post # 4
Member
602 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@mrsbruff2b:  It is kind of hard to understand what she is saying,  but if you feel like she violates your privacy maybe just keep her at arms length with personal things as much as you can.  There is nothing you can really do now since it already happened and she is your Mother-In-Law… just express your discontent and be careful with what you say in the future.

Post # 6
Member
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

@MyFavouriteChords:  Agreed. Unfortunately, it appears that she can’t be trusted with private information. Going forward, don’t tell her anything that you aren’t comfortable with others knowing- and make sure Fiance is on board with this. Being drunk doesn’t give you an excuse to betray confidences.

Post # 7
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

First off (( HUGS )) because I can see that this has upset you… and you do HAVE THE RIGHT to be ticked off.

Especially so if the info was of a really personal or private nature (sex, finances, health issues, politics, religion, etc)

From an Etiquette point of view… there was a time when such info was truly private and not discussed in public (or with anyone not on a need-to-know basis)… so YES there were RULES for how to proceed, social norms, and what was and wasn’t acceptable “small talk”

Sadly, those times have pretty much disappeared… now people seem to believe (both those talking and those consuming the info) that EVERYTHING should be fair game and out in the open… and the often used excuse “oh really, come-on you aren’t the first person to have a ___” is a poor excuse / lack of apology when you are on the receiving end of having your private life exposed, and confronting the one who has taken the liberty to bandy that info about)

So, again I am sorry you find yourself in this situation.

BUT because your Mother-In-Law seems to find her “excuse” in a bottle… I will tell you the first thing they tell family members at Al-Anon Meetings (been there done that) is you are not responsible, accountable or cannot change another’s way in which they consume or behave around alcohol.

So it WILL HAVE TO BE YOU that makes the change.

Doesn’t mean that YOU or Hubby cannot talk to the woman and tell her how disappointed you are, in this latest breach of etiquette / good taste, decency & privacy… just means that your words will probably fall on deaf ears (but again)

Make a note (and a pact between the two of you) that you will not discuss ANYTHING in front of your Mother-In-Law that you don’t want to be blabbed out in public.

Again, sorry I don’t have any better news.  Because I know how much this sucks !!

 

Post # 10
Member
3693 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

She grabbed you by the hair?!?!  I’d tell your husband not to tell her anything private, and for her to stay the hell away from you.  He can see her own his own if he wants.

Post # 12
Member
310 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I’d leave it to your hubby to talk to her.  Also, I’d refrain from divulging info about you or your marriage to her.  That way, she won’t have anything to talk about.

Post # 14
Member
1414 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Don’t give her ANY private information!

Post # 15
Member
241 posts
Helper bee

It sounds like she’s an attention seeker. I don’t think she means to upset you or anything by it – she’s just a huge gossip, and probably enjoys herself when she’s doing it. I only say this because I am this way with CELEBRITIES only, which I realize is super stupid, but it doesn’t bother me that much so obviously I get some kind of satisfaction out of gossiping about a bunch of people that I don’t know. There is something so satisfying about being the first one in my friends/family to break the news that Tom Cruise is getting a divorce or that Lisdsay Lohan was arrested. The sad thing is that most people don’t care. But for some reason I do.

Anyway, like others have pointed out, you can’t change her. I don’t think talking to her is going to help matters. She has a behavior problem, and to change those takes WORK – she would literally have to change the way she lives her life, and I don’t see that happening.

I think the best advice for you is to just learn to deal with her. Don’t give her any ammunition, don’t show very much emotion when she starts gossiping and change the subject as soon as possible. This is what a couple of my girlfriends do and I get the point and shut up. 🙂

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