Post # 1
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3 posts
Wannabee
I’ve been engaged for just a week now. I’ve chosen my dress, set a date and location and fiance and I have chose attendants. The ceremony and reception are going to be in my homestate of West Virginia. So far everything is going so smoothly with the planning, but we got word last night that my mother’s cousin’s 8 yr. old son has an brain tumor which cannot be operated on. This cousin lives all the way out in Texas and the first time anyone had seen her in years was last May at my grandfather’s funeral. The doctors are giving him 18 months with chemo. Now suddenly everything is focused on this cousin and her son. I haven’t gotten to announce my engagement to the WV family as Jan.28 was the closest day I could get off from work. So now I’m wondering would it be in poor taste to announce it, given that all of the focus is on the current tragedy my distant cousin is facing? One of my bridesmaids is a cousin whom I’m very close to that’s a senior in highschool. She was to spend spring break here in South Carolina with me so she can see my dress and be involved in the fittings and what not. Now her mother has decided they’ll spend spring break out in Texas with this distant cousin offering emotional support. How do I handle this? I know I can’t sit around expecting everyone to know my news without me telling them and I have great pain and sympathy for my cousin who’s losing her child. I cannot even fathom the difficulty of going through something like that. And I certainly don’t mean to sound selfish or bridezilla like or anything but what if something happens to her son close to or on the wedding day? Do I still send her an invitation knowing she’s going through so much? Any advice would be welcome. Thanks!
Post # 3
Member
1304 posts
Bumble bee
Congrats on your engagement, and I’m very sorry to hear about your cousin.
Make your plans, figure out a sensitive time to make the announcement about your engagement, and let your bridesmaid cousin decide if she can still attend your fitting. If she can’t, just find someone else to help you or take care of it yourself. I went to all but my last fitting by myself, and that was just to make sure that someone knew how to bustle my dress. It’s not that big of a deal, really.
Let attention focus on your cousin as needed for now. The only time you should really expect a big fuss is on your actual wedding day, anyway.
Certainly invite them if they were going to be on your guest list, and be flexible if they can’t RSVP until the last minute. Let them decide if they want and are able to attend.
Post # 4
Member
375 posts
Helper bee
It would be even more painful for your cousin and her family to be cut off from joyous family events during this time, so definitely invite them.
Announce your engagement in a couple of weeks. Cancer is a long process, and I hope your young cousin will be able to fight this for a long time. Sometimes people will want to talk about something other than chemo and prognosis and illness, and your engagement might be a welcome relief. Don’t expect a lot of help from your cousins during your engagement, and be grateful for whoever can make it on your wedding day, and you’ll be fine.
Post # 5
Member
847 posts
Busy bee
@Grandiflora: I’m sorry this is happening to you. I know how how frustrating it can be when you feel upset that you can’t have the attention your happy day deserves and how guilty it makes you to feel this way.
I’d say that maybe you should try to plan your wedding in a respectful way. Ask your BM’s mum if it would be okay if she spent at least some time with you over Spring break so that you can get her dress fitted etc. I know that you’re probably bursting to tell everyone but try not to focus things too much on yourself.
Sorry you’re going though this.
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