How to handle this?

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
9781 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I don’t know, cleaning just doesn’t seem that hard. Does he really think those dishes are clean, because it sounds like he is just being lazy. He has eyes, right? He can see that it still looks gross? He can feel that the dishes are sticky? 

He is a grown man, you shouldn’t have to stand over him and make sure he does it right. I’d would be having a blunt talk with about how ridiculous this is.

Post # 3
Member
1662 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

Honestly it wasn’t worth the argument for me. I clean the things that I deem most important to be clean… I always do the dishes (regardless of who cooks), I clean the bathrooms and I do the floors. There’s no point delegating a chore if I’m going to nitpick him once he’s done what he feels is a sufficient job. 

I think many men just don think have the attention to detail that we women have.

Post # 4
Member
47208 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Get a dishwasher?

Post # 5
Member
283 posts
Helper bee

Agree with PP – I’d just do it myself and give him a different chore. When Fiance and I moved in together, the agreement was I’d cook and he’d do the dishes/clean up afterwards. He’s the type that likes to relax after his meal where I like to clean quickly and then I’m able to full relax – thinking of dirty dishes just sitting in the sink drives me mad! Our original plan didn’t work out. I clean as I go and clean up after, which maybe only takes another 10 minutes. Instead, he cleans the floors and laundry, which are two chores I loathe. 

ETA… could you alternate turns cooking? Then at least your dishes will be clean half the time? Haha

Post # 6
Member
9781 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

anev :  It’s not nitpicking to say a dish isn’t clean if it’s still sticky and that it’s gross that bits of food are all over the sink. That’s not extra attention to detail. It’s the basics of doing a chore.

And saying that men just don’t have the attention to detail that women donis a gross, sexist cop out. She shouldn’t have to do all the chores because her husband is pretending he’s not capabale of doing an incredibly basic task. 

julies1949 :  Not all dishes can go in a dishwasher. And not all kitchens have the space to accommodate one. 

Post # 7
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I would have him plan, shop for and cook dinner twice a week. If you have to help him with his cleaning, he can help you with your chores.

I also think psychologically it’s hard to take responsibility for the cleaning part of a chore only.   Once he has to use greasy pots for his own meals, he might understand the importance of cleaning them. 

 

Post # 8
Member
580 posts
Busy bee

I agree with PP. I would talk about changing up the chores. When it comes to cleaning, my Fiance is not detail oriented. His idea of clean is definately not mine. But, he is great when it comes to laundry. I have him take care of bathrooms / dinner dishes, and laundry (and just know that I will need to give the kitchen and the bathroom a final go over to finish the job). My chores are pretty much cooking and picking up around the appartment. Breaking it up this way is pretty even. I suggest finding a different arangement that works well for you both.

 

Another thing that I like to do is stay organized / tidy while I am cooking. There is normally time in between steps to whipe down the counter, clean that pots that I really care how they are cleaned. By the time dinner is done, it’s maybe a strainer, the pot the meal is currently in, and our dinner plates. Fiance can take care of putting the dinner away and the couple dishes (and if you have a dishwasher that can make sure they are extra clean, that’s great), and then you can go back over the sink in the morning. I would normally just whipe the sink really quick while the coffee pot heats. I am just used to it at this point and do it without even thinking about it.

Post # 9
Member
5864 posts
Bee Keeper

The dish drainer when my husband does the dishes: 

Trying to unpack this is like playing Jenga with glass and china……

It’s a work in progress I’m still dealing with. I don’t want to be so overly critical that I make him feel he can’t do anything right/ I’m always micromanaging him…..but there’s also the half of me that’s fed up that things I think are common sense aren’t being done the common sense way. 

If you work longer hours and he’s home first, can you switch off a few of the work-week nights and he cooks and you clean? Even if you’re the chef in the relationship, surely he can fend for himself enough to throw a meal together? What if the two of you prepped meals together on a weekend so that there was less work for during the week? 

Post # 10
Member
580 posts
Busy bee

Not sure if this is something you would like or not, but another idea would be to do the cooking and cleaning together. We don’t do it all the time, but I always enjoy cooking and cleaning so much more with someone else. It’s fun getting to spend the time together and you are both sharing the chore. Put some music on. Drink some wine. It can be as romantic as you want.

Post # 13
Member
9781 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

secretlifeofbees :  That is laziness! He doesn’t want to put in the time or effort to do it right. 

Post # 14
Member
5864 posts
Bee Keeper

patchm :  lol this sounds so nice and cozy (seriously, no snark intended) but I simply CAN’T be in the same room with Darling Husband when he’s cleaning….the micromanaging instinct is too strong! 

Post # 15
Member
7418 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

If he’s a grown adult who isn’t good at cleaning, he’s not going to get good at it just because you keep asking. I suck at yard work and I’m always going to suck at yard work. But that’s okay because there are a ton of other household chores to split. You take the kitchen cleaning (and plan menus accordingly— soup and casseroles are great because you can have leftovers the next day and give yourself a break from the cooking and cleaning) and he can do some other chores. Or pay for a weekly cleaners visit and get a dishwasher (even if it’s one of those countertop moveable ones).

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