(Closed) How to handle this girl

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
3660 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

@carolsdaughter:  This chick has a right to be “cold” to you. If that means ignore you, stay away form you, don’t talk to you–ok.

If she is antagonistic toward you, that’s something different.

I never understand what people really expect to happen when you (the generic you) confront the Anns of the world as several have suggested. Have a come to JEsus confrontation?What is that going to acocmplish? It’s just a giant birtch fest and she will hate you even more for claling her on behavior.  She is who she is, you have a right to associate with her or not.

But personally, I find the “kill her with kindness” treatment if you can pull it off sincerley to be very interesting. I persoanally could not pull it off, so I would probalby just avoid her and hang out less with this group of people.

Post # 19
Member
9184 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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@FauxPas2012:  I agree- as hard as it is for any individual to face there are some people out there that just plain old don’t like you for whatever reason.

But I am getting that you don’t much like her either- maybe she can feel that which makes her less inclined to even try and be friends. Not saying you are doing this intentionally but often people don’t even rrealise when they are being like that!

Post # 20
Member
2436 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’m not sure what to say except when she does the little passive aggressive stuff, don’t back down to her. if she cuts you off, keep on talking over her until you finish your point, that sort of thing. It will be uncomfortable at first, but she’s not really giving you much choice…

Post # 21
Member
1853 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

This also popped into my head…

I never, ever read tabloids, but I remember hearing this on the radio a while ago. It’s stuck in my head ever since, and I just found the article. 

I have never personally tried this on someone, but I can honestly admit that it’s been used on me. I’m pretty openly snarky, and I sometimes come across as malicious instead of sarcastic. I had a coworker a few years ago privately approach me, and in the nicest way possible, say:

“thefuturemrs- why are you mean to me? I’m really sorry if I did anything, but I don’t want you to dislike me.”

I felt like a DOUCHE. Man, it was awful. And as the mean girl, I curbed my behaviour then and there. If she’s ever rude to you in a group, just ask it on the spot in front of everybody. If she’s just being cold in general, try following her into the ladies room next time you’re out in a group together, and just sweetly confront her there. It’s a bold move that completely puts you on the spot. 

This is the article:

Self-titled “Queen of All Media” Perez Hilton was, until not long ago, quite a potty-mouth and a bully on his blog, no celebrity was safe from him. All that changed last year – but not before Jennifer Aniston had a talk with him. 

The actress recently taped an appearance on Ellen DeGeneres and, among other things, she also talked about what she made of Perez’s promise to play nice and stop being a bully, the Huffington Post reports. 

Somewhat surprisingly, Aniston revealed that she actually talked to Perez face to face about that right before he made said announcement, also on Ellen. 

As celebrity gossip lovers must know, Jen was one of the easiest targets for the blogger: “MANiston” was the least offending way in which he used to call her.

“I ran into Perez Hilton in a garage. One of those moments you just never expect to happen. I had finished dinner with a girlfriend and we were driving out and I saw this tall, long, lean person and I say, ‘Who is that?’ And she says, ‘I think that’s Perez Hilton’,” Aniston recalled. 

The moment she learned who he was, she knew he had to confront him for his behavior and, at the very least, get an explanation for why he was acting that way. 

“I said, ‘No. I have to say something to him. I have to.’ So I pulled up and we were sort of scoping each other out as I was pulling the car up. I just rolled down the window and I was like, ‘Hi.’ And he went, ‘Hi’,” Jen said.

“We stood there like two deer in headlights. And I just said, ‘Come here. Just talk to me for a second.’ It was one of those great moments. It was a lovely meeting and I was just like, ‘Why are you so mean?’” the actress explained. 

Whatever Perez’s answer was, shortly after the meeting, he decided he wanted to be nice, a decision Aniston salutes and commends, especially since the blogger has proved he’s good for his word

Post # 22
Member
1853 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

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@Lovemelovemyhorses:  Yeah, this trick does actually work! I remember learning about it in one of my psych undergrad courses!

Post # 23
Member
76 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

i would not hang out with her in groups anymore. i would have a problem with my husband being good friends with someone who is mean to his wife. 

Post # 24
Member
116 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Be mature about this, have you and your husband sit down with her and call her out on her actions in a very non confrontational way.  Being a united front will not only remind her that this is YOUR husband and he will always take your side, but she’ll think twice about her actions moving forward. 

Post # 25
Member
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

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@carolsdaughter:  The point where she asks my husband to hang out with her is where I see a problem. My husband is has my back if no one else in the world does and I have his. I don’t care how good a friend I have, if they’re nasty to my husband they’re no longer a friend. There is no way in the world I would have someone disrespect my husband and think they couldn’t help it. Of course she can help it. She just chooses not to help it because she doesn’t have to. At the end of the day, she doesn’t have to like you but she should definitely have to respect you.

This girl seriously wants your husband and there is no way I would allow her to have him. If he hangs, I would hang. Your husband should either to talk to her and let her know if her attitude towards you doesn’t change, they won’t be hanging out anymore or he can limit the amount of time they hang. Considering I think she still has a thing for him, I would go with the limit the time they hang option. She needs time to get over him.

Post # 27
Member
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

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@carolsdaughter:  I’m glad you’re going to speak with your husband. The truth is it doesn’t matter how disrespectful she is, any disrespect is too much disrespect. I don’t like certain people so I speak to them and walk away. I don’t hang around them in groups, I don’t sit beside them in restaurants, etc. To me that’s ok. Rolling eyes, cutting you off, etc is being actively disrespectful and even a little bit is too much. As someone who’s nonconfrontational, it would be easy to let them hang together without you but you’re so right, allowing someone else’s feelings to seperate you from your husband is fundamentally wrong. As long as you keep that in mind, your conversation with your husband can only be productive.

Post # 28
Member
9941 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@carolsdaughter:   Question for ya:  Would your DH really hang out with this woman alone, without you along, especially knowing how she treats you and how you obviously feel about her?

That would be my only problem in this situation.  My DH wouldn’t consider being friends with anyone who showed even a remote hint of rudeness to me, and vice-versa.

It does sound like this woman is jealous of you and my advice is to avoid her as much as possible. 

But, it is not up to you whether or not your husband hangs out with her alone or not, that’s entirely up to him.  However, it will tell you a lot about him if he chooses to do so.

I would leave it up to him but I wouldn’t be cool with it, at all, if he decided to hang out with her without you along.  The best thing to do is drop this woman from both of your lives.  She is not a friend to either of you or she would be respectful to his WIFE.

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