(Closed) How to handle those who assume they are invited?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1582 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@KT_Hime:  I think you should say just that. “We are having a small and intimate ceremony and unfortunately are unable to share our day with all our loved ones and friends. I hope you understand.”

Post # 4
430 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I second the post above me.  There have been many of posts on the boards about this.  Maybe as a compromise you can invite those who won’t be at the recption to the dancing part of your reception.

Post # 5
4495 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

We are also having a small wedding – about 50 people, and are unable to invite everyone we would have chosen to if we were having a larger event. It is hard, especially when someone comes up to you and talks about the wedding and how they can’t wait to attend. I think the above response sounds good on paper, but when the time comes to actually look someone in the face and say it thats not as easy as it seems. I feel like I’m saying, “you didn’t make the cut of the most important/closest people.” Which is basically true, but I feel so rude telling someone that! What I’ve found easiest is when the topic of my wedding comes up I am proactive and say, “its going to be really small. We want it to be initmate so we opted for small with a big honeymoon.” When I’ve said this most people kind of assume they won’t be receiving an invitation and it never gets to the point of them asking to come or speaking as if they’ve already been/will be invited. Just keeps me from having to blatantly say they aren’t invited and saves me the embarassment.

My godmother – who I am not close to whatsoever –  I’ve seen her maybe three times my entire life (I’m 27)- saw me in the mall one day and said, “we can’t wait for your wedding!” Umm.. I couldn’t bring myself to tell her she isn’t invited. I must have looked like a deer in headlights! She was a friend of my father’s when he was young, but honestly they haven’t kept in touch and I just don’t really even know her. So awkward!!

Post # 6
11747 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Well it’s rude for people to ask if they’re invited (or assume it) so just tell them honestly that you’re sorry but you are unable to invite them. Be honest, don’t beat around the bush and let people think they’re invited if they aren’t.  If you’re not sure yet if they are or not, then just say you haven’t yet worked out the guest list.

Honestly, I had no issue being blunt about this because I found it so rude of someone to ask in the first place, so I wasn’t trying to spare anyone hurt feelings.

Post # 8
1299 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

lol I just read this thread… then read your thread…. coincidence?


But seriously, it will get out of hand if you don’t put your foot down.  We got bullied into inviting people we didnt really consider, and then felt bad like we should… those people took the place of people we may have actually liked to invite and were close to us, so it sucked.  I would say you are having a smaller wedding, or say that the venue has limited space. 

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