Post # 1
This is embarrassing, but I am a grown woman and still don’t have good body confidence. I’m thin and relatively fit (tiny bit of cellulite but you can really only see it when you squeeze or under harsh light) and most people would say I have a good body. But being “good” isn’t good enough for me. My boyfriend is very attractive and easily has the best body I’ve ever seen on a man. Next to him, I have so many flaws. I’m sure he has flaws too but I have never noticed them.
When we were first dating I told him that if I was getting too skinny/too fat/too soft, I’d want to know. He doesn’t volunteer this info without me asking, but if I ask, he’ll tell me. I can often tell if he’s noticed something by the look on his face–it’s extremely subtle, but after many years I can tell.
However as a result, every time I get naked (and I’m naked a lot) I ask him, “So, is my butt looking too flat?” or “What about my boobs, are they sagging?” I don’t do this to fish for compliments–I do it becuase if he’s thinking any of these things I want to know. But as a result, I really don’t seem “confident” during sex. I can’t get naked without thinking of what I can improve.
Ladies, if any of you have good “body confidence”, especially if your bodies are not perfect (I fear my boobs are too small, although I am by no means flat chested and my bf says they’re big) what helped you to have confidence? Should I stop asking him his opinion? I’m afraid if I do that I’ll just let myself go!
Post # 3
Sigh. Marking because I want to know too. But a couple of things I’ve worked out: (1) Don’t ask negative questions, it shows you’re thinking negative. (2) Be confident that he’s chosen you and wants to be with you.
Post # 4
so he never just compliments you??
Post # 5
@RockStar33: Oh no, almost every time I ask him, he says something nice…and he volunteers compliments all the time when I’m not asking for it. Probably every day he’ll compliment me in a really specific, nice way. That should probably be enough for me, but my confidence was bad before I met him, he definitely didn’t make it worse.
Post # 6
Honestly, if you’re naked, I’m pretty sure the last thing he’s thinking is “oh no, is that a new cellulite dimple?”
No one’s body is perfect and we all struggle at one time or another with body image issues. How to work on your confidence?- that I don’t know the answer to. But I think you need to stop asking him those questions for starters, you’ll never start to regain confidence in yourself if you’re always paranoid that you ass is getting flat/boobs are sagging ect..
Post # 7
You need to stop asking those kinds of questions. That will only continue to lower your self-esteem because you’re not perfect! No one is! We just have to learn to accept ourselves, little flaws and all.
I’m positive your guy doesn’t analyze your body when you’re not asking those sorts of questions. Sure, he’d note a dramatic change in appearance, but I highly doubt he’s ever thought, “Hm. Her butt was a little firmer last week.” He doesn’t care. He’s with a woman he loves and finds pretty hot, so he doesn’t sweat the details.
Post # 8
@bowsergirl: Actually he will say stuff like that! But only if I ask. He is very into fitness and weightlifting (as am I) and he’ll also ask me a lot “Are my abs less toned than they were last week?” I can never tell, but he does seem to be really focused on details. It wouldn’t ruin sex of course, he’s never lost attraction to me over this. But he would notice. I’m sure bringing it up draws more attention to it, though. lol
Post # 9
Stop asking! One if you can’t find any flaws with him he probably doesn’t notice any flaws on you–until you ask. Plus I feel like aver advice column in every magazine that digs into a man’s mind says that they think confidence is sexy. So even though we all think those terrible things about our selves— please try to leave them out of your head and especially out of the bedroom.
Post # 10
Guys dont notice that stuff, theyre just happy to see a naked woman!!!! As far as confidence goes, fake it til you make it!!!! ((((:
it really does work… In a lot of aspects of life (:
Post # 11
“I do it becuase if he’s thinking any of these things I want to know.”
When a man is geared up for sex, you could have a wart on your ass the size of alabama and a hairy as a sasquach — he isn’t going to care.
Your husband is lusting for you. He finds you attractive enough to want to have sex with.
None of us are perfect. We all have things we don’t like or wish were different, but you just got to think about it in the right way. If your ass was bothering your husband, he wouldn’t want to touch your lower half, or worse yet, he wouldn’t want to take you from behind (if he does) to watch you, right?
If your thighs were flabby, he wouldn’t want you to ride him (If you do) or want to crawl between them.
If you weren’t attractive to him, he wouldn’t be lusting after you. He wouldn’t be wanting to be intimate with you. He wouldn’t be desiring you.
You’re hot to your husband.
Don’t let the media tell you what “beautiful” is.
Post # 12
honestly? LISTEN to your boyfriend. And “listen” to his penis. Haha. By that I mean, if you’re with him, and he has a boner, you’re turning him on because you’re hot. If he wants to fool around with you, its because he wants you, because you’re hot. Also listen to his words – don’t accuse him of just flattering you… guys who love you usually say things because they mean it.
Post # 13
I can only speak from my experiences. Guys do not think questions you ask them about your imperfections are sexy. Im not saying that makes you unattractive to him at all, but it doesnt really set the most sexiest of moods, especially if it’s every time you’re naked. You really should stop that. That doesn’t mean you have to stop taking pride in your appearance, but forcing him to point out every perceived flaw is unhealthy.
You do not need to have a perfect body to look, feel, and be sexy. I don’t have a perfect body. Really, who does? But I really do love my body. Perfection means different things to different people. You need to stop obsessing about your imperfections. You’re the one he is intimate with. Take confidence in that , if you can’t see it on your own. Try to focus on the things you love about yourself, instead of the negative. That’s what I do!
You seem to be inferring a lot of things about your boyfriend’s feelings, and I wonder if they’re really true. I.e., you notice a look on his face and assume it’s because something about you is displeasing. I’m not saying you dont know you’re boyfriend, but are you really sure he’s judging?
What also helps me be confident is my SO. Your boyfriend should make you feel like the sexiest, most beautiful woman in the world. Does he? I don’t think we should derive all our confidence from our SOs, but it is a wonderful feeling to be made to feel beautiful. If he doesn’t make you feel that way, it’s on him and may be something you guys can work on. Some guys are probably not good at expressing that, and it doesn’t mean he doesn’t think you’re sexy.
Post # 14
Im over weight and Im already a tall bigger girl to begin with. My Fiance is shorter and smaller than me. I have huge boobs and he loves them.. I often joke that he would probably leave me if I ever got rid of them but I know he wouldnt…
I would never have the confidence to stand naked infront of another man the way I look but then again, if some man was willing to take me home based off me clothed, hed have to know that I am ”fat” and not care lol
My Fiance makes me feel sexy during sex. He always tells me ”how fuckin sexy” I am etc. I walk around naked etc. I just figure, if he wasnt attracted to how I look naked, he wouldnt wanna sleep with me every night or try to get in the shower with me make things happen. If he wasnt attracted to me, he wouldnt be with me.
Post # 15
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
I would stop asking before sex and start asking at other times instead. That way, you’re not focusing on that when you should be focusing on other things. I have body confidence by focusing on him and not me.
Post # 16
@anon00: Stop asking the questions! That makes you seem really insecure and NOT sexy…imagine in your head that you are some totally sexy foxy chick (like a move star or someone that you think is hot)….I have learned, over many years, I might add..lol…that looking sexy has way more to do with confidence than how you actually look…a confident vibrant woman who is not so gorgeous can actually look AMAZINGLY gorgeous with the right attitude!..