How to have four bridesmaids who live in different states?

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
2593 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - Valleybrook Country Club

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jonasbutterfly :  You can invite them to go shopping or to bachelorette or whatever else, but don’t expect that they will be there. Time and money to travel might not be feasible for them, but it doesn’t mean you can’t keep them in the loop. Ask them if they’d like to join you and no hard feelings if they can’t. We had an out of state Groomsmen and he didn’t come to any event for Darling Husband only came to our wedding, but he was invited for the other things.

Post # 3
Member
596 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

If they don’t have a lot of money they probably don’t want to fly in for a dress appointment, and considering the short notice I wouldn’t count on everyone being able to fly in for the bachelorette if it’s on a separate trip to the wedding.  You can definitely invite them, but make it clear you are demanding them to attend everything. 

You could pick the dress instore and they can order online or collect in a local branch.

Post # 4
Member
7634 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

all my BMs llived in different states. I had them pick their own dress from wherever (just gave them a color palette) so that wasn’t an issue. They were all invited to the shower but none could make it, which was totally understandable cause they were throwing me a bach that also requried travel for most of them. 

I would just include them in whatever but make sure they don’t feel pressured or anything. As for the bm dresses, I’ve been a bm numerous times out of state and it was never a problem to order my dress, just make sure you give them plenty of time.

Post # 5
Member
240 posts
Helper bee

Half of my BMs lived out of state and I’ve been an out of state bridesmaid multipe times. Totally doable. 

Regarding dresses, just let them know what they need to get. For instance is it all the same dress in one color, same colors but whichever style they please? Different colors and styles? DB is a big chain, so should be easy for your BMs to go find a place to try on if they’d like, and online ordering is easy. Make sure they know by when to order (dresses take a while to get made and will likely require alterations).

It’s okay for your BMs to be present at whatever events work best for them. They’re not obligated to come out to pre-wedding events. If they’re asking YOU about which pre-wedding events they have to be a part of, especially if they don’t have a lot of money to travel, don’t make them feel like it’s required that they attend. They’re already putting down money on a dress, travel, and accommodations for your wedding. Most of my BMs couldn’t make the shower, some couldn’t make the bachelorette. Still had a fabulous time, and loved being with them day-of.

Bring whoever can come to the wedding dress appointment. Take pictures and send to your BMs to keep them in the loop. I had one friend who sent me pics of everything, which I loved. I felt like I was right there. Another just showed me pics after she bought the dress, which was fine—but I would’ve been happy to see more!

Post # 6
Member
6878 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

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jonasbutterfly :  I had 6 BMs and 3 of them lived out of state (plane ride away, not driveable distances). It was important (to them) to come in for my bachelorette party, however I would’ve completely understood if they couldn’t make it. The only important day I cared about was the wedding. I even told them it was fine if they missed the rehearsal dinner. 

Just be aware that they might ONLY be able to make the actual wedding itself. If they can make any other events that’s great! But it’s not a requirement. As far as dress shopping, I’d just leave that for you and your mom (and Mother-In-Law if you want). The BMs don’t need to be there and sometimes having too many cooks in the kitchen is a bad thing anyway. 

ETA: As for dresses, I let them pick their own. I gave them a color and length but that’s it. I wasn’t even super specific on color. Half were in light green, the other half in light blue. It actually looked really lovely with them all being in slightly different shaded dresses! Plus this way they were each able to spend what they wanted. My Maid/Matron of Honor got her dress for $20!

Post # 7
Member
324 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I had a 7 month engagement and I just picked a color and had the girls pick something close to it. I ordered a bunch of dresses on Nordstrom to see, and also went to Weddington Way to get swatches, and see. It worked out well for us, and I liked having the girls in different silhouettes they felt comfortable in. 

Only one of my bridesmaids came to the wedding dress shopping appointment which was fine. The fewer people the better when you’re dress shopping so you’re not swayed by other people’s opinions.

Post # 8
Member
119 posts
Blushing bee

One of my bridesmaids lives in the state where I am getting married – I don’t even live in that state right now haha. All others are spread ALL over, some not even in the continental US. I am even making it clear to those who need to travel that as long as they can make it to the wedding, it’s all good by me. Of course they are invited to everything becuase I love them and want them to feel included, but obviously no pressure at all. Only my sister came along with Future Mother-In-Law and my mom to the dress appointment – everyone else was out of town, which was ok with me, I am too much of a people pleaser and needed less opinions anyways.

I really, really recommend Azazie for bridesmaids dresses. They are quick (4-6 week turnaround), do everything online, and you can even send in custom measurements at no extra cost, so that would decrease (or even eliminate) amount of time required for alterations. They also send swatches if you aren’t sure what color you want, and girls can order sample dresses before they pick their final size/style. Also, they are very affordable but still great quality, which is nice for Bridesmaid or Best Man who are already spending a lot on travel expenses and such 🙂

Post # 9
Member
367 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

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jonasbutterfly :  I am getting married in my home state where three bridesmaids live (though several hours apart). Myself and my other bridesmaid live in a different state. I traveled down to home state for a bachelorette party 6 months before the wedding, so they could spread out the travel more…and it coincided with a bank holiday (two of them work at banks). I didn’t expect the bridesmaid who lives in the state with me to come since it’s a far way to travel, but she did. I did dress shopping with just my Maid/Matron of Honor and my mom (groom’s mom was invited but didn’t come). I did bridesmaid dress shopping with the bridesmaid who lives in the same state I do. They are getting their dresses at David’s Bridal so they are all the same color, but I told them they could get any style. My bridal shower will be the week of my wedding (it’s a church shower so most of the ladies going to the shower aren’t actually going to the wedding, which is weird but the church holds a shower for all brides getting married in that church). My bridesmaids will be invited, but I don’t really expect them to come, except one of my bridesmaids who lives in that same town. My family is hosting a luncheon for the bridesmaids the day before the wedding that they will attend if they can. Really, though, they are invited to everything and I did what I could to make it easier on them for traveling, but the only thing I expect them to attend is the rehearsal and wedding. 

Post # 10
Member
1985 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I didn’t ask anything of them but order dress and be there on the day. They both want to be at my shower when it is thrown, but I let them know I would not be upset if they couldn’t make it. 

I keep in touch and bounce ideas (they are both married) via text or phone calls. I went dress shopping for myself with a another friend not in the wedding party. I was in the same city as one of the girls, she’s more curvy, so I wante to make sure the dress worked right on her, then we ordered via Davids. 

 

Post # 11
Member
1362 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Banquet Hall/Conference Center

For my friend’s wedding, we planned a destination bach party since everyone lives in different states. We had a small shower and brunch the next day. Can you combine a bach party with a shower and maybe squeeze in a dress fitting in one weekend? Or 3 day weekend?

For my own, 1 friend came to our Indian engagement ceremony, 1 came to our engagement party, and 1 came dress shopping (I coordinated to be in town when she would be in town). We didn’t end up finding anything, but it was nice to have her and my mom there for round one at least. I’m learning that most people don’t actually come to all these things…

Post # 12
Member
399 posts
Helper bee

My rule as a Bridesmaid or Best Man, is I am willing to travel twice. 1 for the wedding, and one for another event. Asking anything else is too much IMO (esp dress shopping- they arent going to wear these dresses again!). It is very common for the Bridal Party to be spread throughout the country these days. If you find a dress you really like, look up the designer and they will tell you the stores in the country that sell that designer. They can help your bridesmaids order through that store. Also, another time I was in that situation, we all ordered a dress online. It wasnt my favorite option (I like trying things on), but it ended up working out.

Post # 13
Member
1651 posts
Bumble bee

I picked a color I knew David’s Bridal has and offered swatches if they wanted to go elsewhere. 

I also declined a shower. Having a bachelorette on a separate weekend from wedding in a different place, but made it clear that attendance is 100% optional 

Post # 14
Member
1542 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

Only 2 of my 7 bridesmaids live in state. I picked a dress from a local bridal shop, and simply asked everyone to get their measurements and call the shop to order it. I’m going to pick up the dresses when they arrive and mail them to my out-of-state girls so they can get their alterations done locally. 

My sister lives in France, and I know she won’t make it to any event aside from the wedding itself. As for the other girls, I’m going to invite them to everything, but absolutely do not expect them to make it. 

Post # 15
Member
29 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2018

My bridesmaids live in 3 states and one abroad. I ordered dresses for them on amazon had them shipped directly to each of them and they all tried on found the style they liked and ordered the right size if necessary. So easy because returns are so easy on amazon. Prices are low enough that they can all go get alterations without problem 

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