Post # 1
Fh and I are inviting my Step Mothers parents – that’s not a question.
Since moving to Onataio her family has ‘adopted’ FH an I. We’re invited to all the family gatherings and her aunt hosts us for a meal every time dad and sm are in town. (don’t like sm much but her family is great). Here’s the problem. We’re trying to keep the wedding small. SM’s family is large. Her mom is one of 6 children. They are all married and have 4 children between them, 2 whom are married. It’s a total of 16 extra people. I have been invited to both of her cousins weddings (as child care for my much younger brother – currently 6)
FH and I want to invite the aunt who’s home is used for all the family functions, who has hosted us on numerous occasions but we don’t want to hurt the feelings of the others because they’re great people. I wish we could have them all but it’s not an option. I already spoke to my dad and he doesn’t think it will be an issue but we think it’s best if FH and I talk to SM about it (she’s an odd duck and if dad talks to her she’ll think it’s his idea and we’re only doing it b/c he says we have to which isn’t the case at all).
I don’t want her to think that we don’t WANT to invite them all, but they’re technically my family and my ‘half’ of the guest list totally outweighs FH’s and I can’t add 16 people to my list…how do I word this so I don’t offend her?
Post # 3
a phone call to those you are not inviting would be nice explaining that you would love to have them but due to budget/space/etc you cannot accomodate extended families.
it is perfectly acceptable.
my FI and I went to his cousin’s wedding, maybe he was a 3rd cousin, they had 200ish people . they are not invited to our wedding, our wedding is around 120.
i’m sure they will understand.
Post # 4
@ajillity81: I want to talk to my SM before we do anything, I’m just worried about talking to her because she can be really unreasonable (dad and I genuinely think she has a mental condition but she refuses to seek help – she flies off the handle about the weirdest things!)
Post # 5
@MsGinkgo: Its your wedding. If you don’t want to handle it with her, which it sounds you don’t, let dad do this for you. Explain to the aunt that you’d love to invite everyone, but it’s not possible. She sounds reasonable. Your SM doesn’t really have any say, and as long as the aunt understands….this is not something you need to stress about. There are going to be like 75+ things that will freak you out prior to the wedding way more than this. You will NOT make everyone happy. You WILL piss at least one person off during this process. I pissed way more than one person off.
My point is, everyone has a person that is “difficult” in the family. My sister was mine, and everyone who was family knew it would be a craptastrophe of epic proportions if she was offended in the slightest without even having to state it. Your dad needs to address it and leave you out entirely. He’s a big boy and can handle your SM. You should be happy during this time. If your dad didn’t want to do it, he wouldn’t have offered. Just say thank you. If you’re focused on making others happy, that’s great. You just need to make sure that both you and you FI are the ones you put 1st on that happy list. And also remember that there is no satisfying some people. You could do everything perfect…and those “difficult” people will find a way to let that freak flag fly if you let them.
Post # 6
I don’t think it’s appropriate as PP suggested to explain to people why they aren’t invited – awkward and it reminds me of this terrible “trend”: http://www.today.com/style/youre-not-invited-alerts-new-wedding-trend-draws-criticism-1B8286599?franchiseSlug=stylemain
I think it’s okay given you’re only inviting a few from the family and not half/more than half and leaving a few excluded. It’s your wedding, invite who you are closest with. If people have issues with it, let them come to you (most normal people won’t!)
Post # 7
@MrsWBS: omfg, is this FOR REAL? Are people ACTUALLY doing this? Who does this? I can understand if someone comes to you thinking they’re invited after you’ve sent invites and you didn’t invite them, but they think they’re getting an invite – and you have to say sorry there’s not enough room, my parents invited 20 people making it impossible to have more friends invited, it’s an intimate affair, the venue doesn’t hold that many people blah blah blah.
But proactively sending out YOU ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH TO BE THERE notes? Seriously? This is really a TREND? In what universe?