(Closed) how to have this conversation…

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
8141 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

a phone call to those you are not inviting would be nice explaining that you would love to have them but due to budget/space/etc you cannot accomodate extended families.

it is perfectly acceptable.

my FI and I went to his cousin’s wedding, maybe he was a 3rd cousin, they had 200ish people . they are not invited to our wedding, our wedding is around 120. 

i’m sure they will understand.

Post # 5
Member
51 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@MsGinkgo:  Its your wedding. If you don’t want to handle it with her, which it sounds you don’t, let dad do this for you. Explain to the aunt that you’d love to invite everyone, but it’s not possible. She sounds reasonable. Your SM doesn’t really have any say, and as long as the aunt understands….this is not something you need to stress about. There are going to be like 75+ things that will freak you out prior to the wedding way more than this. You will NOT make everyone happy. You WILL piss at least one person off during this process. I pissed way more than one person off.

My point is, everyone has a person that is “difficult” in the family. My sister was mine, and everyone who was family knew it would be a craptastrophe of epic proportions if she was offended in the slightest without even having to state it. Your dad needs to address it and leave you out entirely. He’s a big boy and can handle your SM. You should be happy during this time. If your dad didn’t want to do it, he wouldn’t have offered. Just say thank you. If you’re focused on making others happy, that’s great. You just need to make sure that both you and you FI are the ones you put 1st on that happy list. And also remember that there is no satisfying some people. You could do everything perfect…and those “difficult” people will find a way to let that freak flag fly if you let them.

Post # 6
Member
11760 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t think it’s appropriate as PP suggested to explain to people why they aren’t invited – awkward and it reminds me of this terrible “trend”:  http://www.today.com/style/youre-not-invited-alerts-new-wedding-trend-draws-criticism-1B8286599?franchiseSlug=stylemain

I think it’s okay given you’re only inviting a few from the family and not half/more than half and leaving a few excluded.  It’s your wedding, invite who you are closest with. If people have issues with it, let them come to you (most normal people won’t!)

 

Post # 7
Member
1691 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@MrsWBS:  omfg, is this FOR REAL?  Are people ACTUALLY doing this? Who does this? I can understand if someone comes to you thinking they’re invited after you’ve sent invites and you didn’t invite them, but they think they’re getting an invite – and you have to say sorry there’s not enough room, my parents invited 20 people making it impossible to have more friends invited, it’s an intimate affair, the venue doesn’t hold that many people blah blah blah.

But proactively sending out YOU ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH TO BE THERE notes?  Seriously? This is really a TREND?  In what universe?

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