(Closed) How to help a depressed FI?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
501 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’m really sorry you are going through this. I don’t have any advice to offer but I will suggest working out. Excercise is a great way to reduce depression and will also help with his health.

Post # 4
Member
811 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

He can go to his county mental health office to see a counselor and get on antidepression meds if needed. They usually go by a sliding scale and if his income is low enough, he’ll be able to get his meds for free or at a significant discount.

I’ve battled depression my entire life and several years ago when I didn’t have insurance, they saved my life.

Post # 5
Member
286 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I also suffer from depression, and the only way to live a healthy happy life is to accept worthiness and learning new strategies to deal with those overwhelming emotions. Sadly, there is nothing you can. Really do-it’s up to him to go to therapy or learn new behaviors. All you can do is what you’re doing now and be supportive and help contribute positive thoughts.

Post # 6
Member
853 posts
Busy bee

I’m sorry that you’re dealing with this, and it’s not fair of him to say to you “I want you to be like me, and see that life’s not worth living.” Those thoughts sound suicidal, and are a serious concern. I would suggest that he see his doctor about his depression and get on some medication. I know that he’s upset about other health issues, but if he is clinically depressed, then he really needs to seek some professional help. I would talk to him about how you’re feeling and that you’re worried about him and encourage him to go.

Post # 7
Member
1115 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I am so sorry you and your Fiance are going through this.  It truly is a tough situation and it IS true what those commercials say “depression doesn’t just hurt the one who has it”.  My Fiance has had 2 bouts of depression since we’ve been together.  It is sad, it makes me feel sad and inadequate and I have no idea how to “help” him.  I don’t understand depression b/c I (thankfully) don’t suffer from it.  FI just gets really down and doesn’t want to do ANYTHING, it’s very tough.  He’ll skip work, he’ll lay on the couch all day, he feels like it “just isn’t worth it”…it’s so tough.  We have discussed his depression and basically he’s told me there is nothing I can do to get him “out of it”.  The first time he got it he went to his dr and he got meds.  That helped so much and he was better after that….however just a few months ago I noticed some signs and low and behold 2 weeks later he admitted he stopped taking his meds and was depressed again!!!!  He said he quit taking them b/c he was feeling so good… well duh it’s b/c he was taking his meds.  Anyway, he started taking them again and he’s back to being good.  I read your post and I totally feel for you!  Has your Fiance ever taken meds for depression?  That might assist with his depression??  

Post # 8
Member
66 posts
Worker bee

I believe that this is something far more serious than needing a little exercise or a positive outlook on life. Please encourage him to seek professional help! And if he has family around with good relations, please contact them and let them know, if they don’t already!

Post # 10
Member
11747 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

There are some therapists that will work on a sliding scale basis – I thikn he needs to find one regardless of price – this is dangerous territory.

Post # 11
Member
11233 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

For someone who’s never had depression/taken meds, it’s hard to understand that it’s not as easy as popping a pill or two. Not all meds work for everyone. Not all doses are the correct doses. Trying to find which med(s) in which dose(s) works for you is hard and emotionally and physically exhausting, on top of depression. It starts to make you believe that nothing is going to make you feel better. 

If he’s willing to go to therapy, bring him with you today. 

Post # 12
Member
569 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Sorry you are going through this. He sounds very ill. The problem with depression is it’s like a parasite that lives in your brain and eats away your ability to live normally – logic has left the building.

He needs professional help and medication. This site has some information (including on how to get cheaper prescriptions inthe US) and a crisis line: http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/

Also, I’m just going to address the elephant in the room and say you’re not obliged to stay with him. You still get a choice. I’m not saying I think you should leave him, just that you shouldn’t feel you have no choice.

Post # 13
Member
399 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@likelimeade:  

When you go to your therapist, can you ask his/her advice? 

I really hope you try everything before letting go of your relationship, because I’ve been in a depressed mindset before. Its so hard to see past it and sympathize with your partner or friends. I feel like you should never enter into a relationship when you aren’t healthy enough to do this, but you are already in a relationship and only you know how much he takes you into consideration when he isn’t in a depressed state. Sure, you aren’t “obliged” to stay with him- but if you can find a way to take care of him, you obviously love him, so I say try.

Even if you can only afford to pay for one session of therapy for him, I would offer since you know he isn’t going to go on his own. Which could be because he just doesn’t think it will help. The mindset of “what will they tell me that I haven’t already told myself?” coupled with him already being on medications. I know I hate being on meds, and adding a new pill to the regimen could feel like more weight on his back. BUT that one trip might be the glimmer of hope that he needs or that therapist might offer him a new solution you were unable to think of.

Anyways, much of that was coming from a personal p.o.v., remembering how I felt/ people treated me but I don’t doubt your love or commitment to helping him. 

Good luck with this tough situation. If you need an ear, feel free to PM me. 

Post # 14
Member
501 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@Caballito:  I did not mean that he only needs a little exrercise!! He certainly needs to seek the help of a professional of course!!! I was stating that REGULAR (not just a little) exercise will help with depression and will also help with his crohn’s disease. Chron’s brings on a lot of stress and anxiety. REGULAR exercise will help reduce that in a big way as well as reduce his depression. I did not mean that this is all he needs and then he is just cured.

He needs to get some help and make some lifestyle changes fast. OP- how is your Fiance doing?

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