Post # 1
She has been my friend for over 6 years but I always thought she was a little strange. We met in school and she would hang out with “the group” and when the group was all gone (graduated, moved out) it was just her and me. She never really opened up about anything. But I know she never had a boyfriend or anything. She was always fine with everything, never mad at anybody but also never had an opinion on anything, which sometimes irritated me. She is obese and not attractive and doesn’t have a attractive eprsonality either. And often she was mistreated by people and just took it. That always made me so mad because she nevr spoke up for herself.
I talked to another male friend ablout it and I agreed with what he said. he said that when people are “abused” for such a long time they just take it and try to move on. That is the idea that she gives us: she has been mistreated her whole life and doesn’t know how to fight back (????).
Well it turns out that recently we reconnected after a long time of being apart and to my sadness she is the same way. She told me she has a disease that makes her legs put on fat and that there is nothing she can do about that. I was MAD, I thought: Why do you make excuses about everything your whole life??? Do something about it! But I could never, nor even in the past say anything like that to her. i always wanted to say: Scream, hit people if you need to, but stand up for yourself!!!!!!!!
Of course I thought the whole disease thing was BS! But I did some research on the internet and found out that actually the disease do exist!
Now I feel bad for my thoughts. But I know the way she lives life won’t change and she is not happy. How can I help her? Should I ever say something?
I feel bad for her…
Post # 3
Just be her friend. Listen to her with your heart. I bet she doesn’t get that very often.
Post # 4
Wow. I hope you never develop a medical condition that makes you gain weight and there is nothing you can do about it. Wow. You were mad? You want to help her? Stop judging her.
Post # 5
I was not judging her but it kills me when people make excuses and don’t act! I thought she was giving excuses about gaining weight and not exercising..
She has a condition named lipoedema …
Post # 6
The very first paragraph about lipoedema on wikipedia says that it is impossible to “lose” this kind of fat, and it can’t be corrected through surgery. Honestly, the last thing she needs is friends like you.
Post # 7
@sheilamelo: You also said she was unattractive looks and personality wise. And yes, you are judging her.
Post # 8
I agree with the other posters…your entire post sounds like you’re judging her. I think as a friend, she just needs you there to listen to her. It’s clear that she can’t do anything about her situation, and it’s not your job to point out all of her flaws. If you can’t refrain from saying something to her about her condition/personality/weight, then I think you’re better off not being friends with her.
Post # 9
You called her weird, commented about her weight, talked about her with other friends… yes, you are judging her.
You haven’t been a good friend, so it’s time for YOU to stand up for her.
Post # 10
I have to agree with every one else, she needs some good friends that love her no matter what and don’t just assume she is making stuff up. You seem to be more concerned about her than she does. Let her be.
Post # 11
The reason she hasn’t opened up to you is probably because you are very judgemental to her. A real friend would be empathetic to her past and her feelings and would understand that sometimes (for whatever reason) people have a hard time being confrontational and standing up for themselves. A real friend would also realize that sometimes things happen that a person has absolutely no control over and wouldn’t judge them for that.
Post # 12
She probably doesnt trust you enough to talk to you and open up since she obviously knows you judge her and think she isnt pretty enough, skinny enough, and lacking personality.
Post # 13
Umm yeah. I have an endocrine disorder called PCOS. It has caused me to gain weight easily and makes it very hard to lose. While I don’t go around whining about it to people, I have discussed it with friends. You said she doesn’t stand up for herself, but it sounds to me like she’s depressed. Or maybe she’s just a laid back person? If I found out a friend of mine was saying I made excuses for being fat and didn’t stand up for anything in my life, I’d be hurt and would end the friendship. Friends are supposed to be supportive, not judgmental.
Post # 14
Your description of her made me sad.My cousin used to work at a clinic for people with that disease.It can be very depressing and debilitating.
Post # 15
So it sounds like you want to start over, not judge her, you feel sorry for things you’ve thought about her in the pst. Good for you, Best thing you can do is just be her friend. Don’t judge, listen. Invite her to make decisions and stand by them (go to the movie she wants, the restaurant she wants, etc). She may eventually open up to you, she may not.
Post # 16
If you can’t be the kind of friend she needs then you’d be doing both of you a favor to stop being friends with her until you can be more accepting of her for who she is – her personality, not her disorder. You said it bothered you that she isn’t a take charge person, makes excuses=. If that’s really what you believe about her and are so opposed to someone who is “like that” then you should just move on with your life and allow her to surround herself with people who won’t judge her and will accept her as she is.