(Closed) How to help a friend? SAD

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1695 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Just be her friend. Listen to her with your heart. I bet she doesn’t get that very often. 

Post # 4
Member
1405 posts
Bumble bee

Wow.  I hope you never develop a medical condition that makes you gain weight and there is nothing you can do about it.  Wow.  You were mad?  You want to help her?  Stop judging her.  

Post # 6
Member
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

The very first paragraph about lipoedema on wikipedia says that it is impossible to “lose” this kind of fat, and it can’t be corrected through surgery. Honestly, the last thing she needs is friends like you.

Post # 7
Member
1405 posts
Bumble bee

@sheilamelo:  You also said she was unattractive looks and personality wise.  And yes, you are judging her.

Post # 8
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

I agree with the other posters…your entire post sounds like you’re judging her. I think as a friend, she just needs you there to listen to her. It’s clear that she can’t do anything about her situation, and it’s not your job to point out all of her flaws. If you can’t refrain from saying something to her about her condition/personality/weight, then I think you’re better off not being friends with her.

Post # 9
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

You called her weird, commented about her weight, talked about her with other friends… yes, you are judging her.

You haven’t been a good friend, so it’s time for YOU to stand up for her.

Post # 10
Member
3170 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I have to agree with every one else, she needs some good friends that love her no matter what and don’t just assume she is making stuff up. You seem to be more concerned about her than she does. Let her be.

Post # 11
Member
1798 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

The reason she hasn’t opened up to you is probably because you are very judgemental to her. A real friend would be empathetic to her past and her feelings and would understand that sometimes (for whatever reason) people have a hard time being confrontational and standing up for themselves. A real friend would also realize that sometimes things happen that a person has absolutely no control over and wouldn’t judge them for that.

Post # 12
Member
609 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2009

Wow….just, WOW!

She probably doesnt trust you enough to talk to you and open up since she obviously knows you judge her and think she isnt pretty enough, skinny enough, and lacking personality.

Post # 13
Member
3452 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Umm yeah.  I have an endocrine disorder called PCOS.  It has caused me to gain weight easily and makes it very hard to lose.  While I don’t go around whining about it to people, I have discussed it with friends.  You said she doesn’t stand up for herself, but it sounds to me like she’s depressed.  Or maybe she’s just a laid back person?  If I found out a friend of mine was saying I made excuses for being fat and didn’t stand up for anything in my life, I’d be hurt and would end the friendship.  Friends are supposed to be supportive, not judgmental.

Post # 14
Member
1158 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Your description of her made me sad.My cousin used to work at a clinic for people with that disease.It can be very depressing and debilitating.

Post # 15
Member
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

So it sounds like you want to start over, not judge her, you feel sorry for things you’ve thought about her in the pst. Good for you, Best thing you can do is just be her friend. Don’t judge, listen. Invite her to make decisions and stand by them (go to the movie she wants, the restaurant she wants, etc). She may eventually open up to you, she may not.

Post # 16
Member
434 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

If you can’t be the kind of friend she needs then you’d be doing both of you a favor to stop being friends with her until you can be more accepting of her for who she is – her personality, not her disorder. You said it bothered you that she isn’t a take charge person, makes excuses=. If that’s really what you believe about her and are so opposed to someone who is “like that” then you should just move on with your life and allow her to surround herself with people who won’t judge her and will accept her as she is. 

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