How to help friend who’s Childfree-Not-By-Choice

posted 11 months ago in No Kids
Post # 3
601 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Honestly she needs to be willing to help herself before anyone can help her. Needs to get out of the victim mentality and either get counseling or try fertility treatments, foster kids, or go for adoption. But if she is shooting down everyone’s help including yours, out of anger or spite, she might just need to get to a place internally before anything will resonate 

Post # 4
6166 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

There’s no way to help someone who isn’t ready to help themselves. Other than continuing to urge her to see a therapist, there isn’t much you can do.

Post # 5
9256 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA


Post # 6
497 posts
Helper bee

If she adamantly will not try therapy, maybe sign up to charity work that revolves around children in need. Its coming up to Christmas, I am sure there are things that need support. It’s nothing on having your own children for sure, and it may not remotely dull her hurt. To be honest if it’s been so long and she hasn’t adapted to her new normal, I have a feeling she will be bitter and resentful for the rest of her days without kids. However, it may open some avenues to her that put her in a nuturing position or, perhaps show her how hard it can be and put something into perspective for her. Like meeting mother’s who struggle. Maybe go together so she doesn’t suspect, like “ I’m volunteering at X for the day reading to kids for Christmas, want to do it with me?” 

She needs to get out of her funk or she will be well and truly alone and that is far worse than not having a husband and kids. 

Post # 7
2297 posts
Buzzing bee

Sunny.Day :  I think you need to be blunt with her if she is one of your dearest friends. You need to tell her that her attutiude, while you get it, is toxic and people are afraid to approch her now. No one wants to share anything because she so damn cranky. I think you need to tell her that she needs to see someone to help her with her anger and depression.  

If that doesnt work then have the intervention. If she doesnt talk to you, then oh well. You can’t allow someone who is toxic all the time into your life. They will wear you out. 

Post # 8
12103 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

She needs to see a therapist – that’s really the bottom line, but if she’s not willing…

Would volunteering at an orphanage or childrens hospital help? It sounds like she really wants children to love and nurture. Maybe being around children who need her love will help? Maybe big brothers big sisters? I know lots of people get great joy out of having a ‘little’.

Could she be a foster parent on her own? I know you said she couldn’t adopt, but would she be in a position to foster?


Post # 10
1565 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

She needs to go to therapy ASAP.

Post # 11
2297 posts
Buzzing bee

Sunny.Day :  She may push you away if you are too blunt, but sometimes people have to hit rock bottom before they can pick themselves up. 

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