(Closed) deleted because maybe I'm meddling

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2012

This is a really difficult situation. It is a lose lose for you. 

1. If you go out of your way to really help her- say by getting her help, bringing a professional in, going as far as keeping her in your home…and then she STILL goes back to him, she may begin to create a resentment towards you for “meddling”. Her husband will then hate you and you will end up looking bad. 

2. If you dont do anything, you will live on with this guilt, expecially if something happens to her. God forbid.

 

If I were you, I would talk to a professional, then bring the professional and her together. Tell her that you know what is going on but cannot really help her until she wants to be helped. If those children are in danger, then you need to report that. 

In the mean time, stay close to her. 

Post # 4
Member
1729 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

i was in a sim situtation- but my ex was the one that wouldnt leave, even tho i wanted him too.

the best thing is for her to speak to a professional, a counseler or even police- for her to know this is not RIGHT and he doent love her if hes hurting her. Also for you to let her know that you are there- no matter what..im sure shes embarrassed and making excuses. Let her know theres no judgement for her getting out.

Also-  shes  in love with the man he WAS not the man he  IS/BECAME.

Honestly.. a major turning point from me was speaking with the police- and i was told that the way he was escalating- the office told me that if i didnt leave everything i had an take my kids, that he would be going to my funeral in a year.

I lost it all.. my house, my job…but i had my kids and my life.

Theres a lot of places that can help, a lot of pamphlets as well- if it was me. id mail her some- even anon – but as long as she knows others know, and she becomes aware that there is a way out- she may end it sooner

 

Post # 5
Member
9641 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Big hugs to you!  I happened to catch before you deleted. 

You’re a good person for being concerned.  There isn’t a whole lot you can do except be a voice of sanity and reason.  And if you feel there is ever a need to call the police to intervene, call them.  Say a lot of prayers for her.

However, keep in mind and be aware that abusers can snap on friends and family, too.  So, please keep YOURSELF safe in this situation as well.  Don’t needlessly put yourself in harm’s way.  Just be there for your friends if necessary and offer to help when you can, without becoming overly involved.

Such a sad story.  🙁

Post # 6
Member
9483 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

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