Post # 1
My SO is having the absolute WORST time right now and I live 2 hours away from him. I can’t really go into details as it would give away my identity, but basically he’s having problems in all areas of his life except our relationship: horrible job, housing/neighbors, evicting roommate, no male buds as he moved recently, and possible identity theft. There’s absolutely nothing I can do but support him emotionally which is really difficult because he’s at the end of his rope and he’s not sure he can take much more.
I’m just wondering if any of you all have some ideas on how to help him more because this stress is so difficult for the both of us! I feel so lame and useless just saying “I’m sorry this is happening,” “I love you,” “it will get better eventually, it has to,” “I wish I could fix things,” etc. and talking about the future when we’ll be in the same city (this summer).
Post # 3
My Fiance and I deal with this regularly. He is in the military and often finds himself in awful situations that I wish SO MUCH I could help him with. Besides being a supportive girlfriend/SO, really, there isn’t a whole lot more you can do. I mean honestly, if he were dealing with the same things but in the same city as you that’s all you could offer any way.
Without knowing his personality or yours, are there things you can do to assist him in his issues? Can you search job boards and email him links to potential new jobs? Can you help him fill out paperwork to get his identity stuff taken care of? Alleviating some of those burdens, although slight, may really help him out.
Hope that helps!
Post # 4
my hubby can spiral into a down if you let him – when hes like that i tell him all the qualities about him that makes him wonderful and point out the positives in his life. I dont focus on asking him for answers to fix the problem because sometimes he just wants to vent about the situation but not actually discuss it
he also likes to receive, its not about the gift but the thought. one time he was having a hard time at work so every day i packed into his lunch bag a positive affirmation card and he said he really appreciated it – maybe you can email him one every morning
im sorry things are so rough for him right now – try to be positive and hopefully things will work out sooner than later
Post # 5
What about some good old-fashioned mail? Send him a little note each day. Something to look forward to at the end of the day.
Post # 6
Wow guys this was so helpful!! I am definitely gonna start sending him some little cards or something. I can’t afford to send stuff daily, but once or twice a week is manageable. I did leave him a note about a month ago after I visited once and it’s still out on his desk so I know stuff like that means a lot to him. Guess I had just forgotten!
@sleepyrebel: Excellent caveat on the personality thing! I wish I could do stuff like that for him, but he would say I’m controlling him if I did. I can barely give suggestions about what he could do, which makes it even more frustrating on my end of things.
Post # 7
Would it be an option for him to quit his job and move in with you? That seems like the most effective fix. If you live somewhere that he has a shot at a job, that would solve most of the other problems except the identity theft.
Post # 8
@crayfish: Sadly, it’s not even close to an option 🙁 He left our small town for an actual city and I’ll be moving to where he is in June when I finish grad school. We also don’t want to live together until marriage.
Post # 9
@LaurenK0105:Yeah, I kinda figured as much since there was probably a reason you weren’t already doing that.
Post # 10
An ex of mine did something really sweet when I was working 2000 miles away one summer. He sent me a manila envelope full of cards. Each card’s envelope had instructions on it, such as “Open when you are feeling homesick”, “Open when you are really mad at me”, “Don’t open until our anniversary”, “Open this card when you are feeling great!”, etc… There were probably a dozen different hallmark cards and handwritten notes. Each card or note had a message related to whatever the instructions on the envelope were.
Now not to let him take all the credit he actually got this idea from my mother. When I was young going to summer camp my mom would write me a letter or small note for each day I would be gone and hide them in my suitcase. She would number them so I knew which order to open them in. I told the ex about this memory of my chidlhood and how special it was to me so he used that idea and made it unique to our long distance relationship.
Both of these ideas are so simple but always meant so much to me!