(Closed) How to help my fiance grieve?

posted 5 years ago in Pets
Post # 2
Member
5072 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

That’s so sad.  πŸ™   It sounds like you are doing everything you can.  This is something that he has to come to terms with on his own.   You are an awesome FI!   I’m sure it helps him to know that you are there for him.

Post # 3
Member
1304 posts
Bumble bee

 

I am so sorry. No words, just let him be angry, sad, moody…maybe takeover making dinner/household chores.

πŸ™

Post # 4
Member
1120 posts
Bumble bee

I’m so sorry to you both, that is so sad. You have already done so much to help him, what you did when you found the body was very thoughtful and selfless – I’m sure he will appreciate that so much.

I think you have already covered the main thing which is the fact that you have so much respect for the relationship he had with his dog and understanding of the grieving process relating to this. To me the worst thing someone can do is downplay it with a comment like “oh well its only an animal” or “you can get another one”. However you clearly are far from that.

After that all you can do is be there to chat about it when he wants to and comfort him when he is sad about it. I hope your cats can comfort him somewhat too, I always think animals have a way of sensing grief and then attempting to soothe it.

Post # 5
Member
9123 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

Oh I’m so sorry! πŸ™  That is the absolute worst.  My sweet sassy funny perfect kitty got hit by a car a few months ago too…. our neighbor found him already dead (just looking asleep) in her driveway.  It was literally the worst day of my life πŸ™

As for helping your fiance grieve, I would just be available to be close to him, hug him, talk about your sweet doggy with him, cry with him, etc.  Just be emotionally available.  It will get easier with time, but it’s a process.  Xoxox!

Post # 7
Member
9123 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

View original reply
herrera2016:  when my sweet boy died, this image really hit home.  Yes the heartbreak is real, as your mom says.  But llike you said – in my mind, the joy they bring more than makes up for it, as hard as that is to see right after a loss. And out pets would want us to be happy and have another furry friend to rescue and love on!  Hugs.  

Post # 8
Member
4943 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

View original reply
herrera2016:  Aw, I’m so very sorry! It sounds like you’ve done a wonderful job so far of making this a bit more bearable for him – not letting him see his dog in that condition, taking care of his final arrangements. I don’t know that you really can help him grieve. This is something he has to do in his own way. However, talking about good memories always helped me when I was grieving for a pet. And it sounds like you guys did this dog a huge favor by getting him out of whatever horrible circumstances he was in before you. That counts for a lot! 

Again, I’m so very sorry. I know how hard this is. Losing a pet is never easy, regardless of how they passed away. I know that when I had animals pass, I had a few days to sort of wrap my head around it, but then when the ashes arrived, it’s as if my heart was torn out again (seeing that little box of ashes is difficult the first time). Just hug him, tell him you love him, and when the time is right for him, he can help another dog in honor of this dog (which it sounds like from what he said, he will be open to that). That’s the best way to honor little little nugget. ((hugs))

Post # 9
Member
483 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

I am sorry for your loss!  He was cute… I have two chi’s and they were older when I got them 2.5 years ago (they’re 10 and 8 now) so this hits a little close to home because I can’t imagine how I’d react whenever that time comes.  But to have it happen suddenly like that… so sad πŸ™

 

To answer your question, just be supportive to your Fiance.  If he needs to talk, listen.  If he needs a shoulder to cry on, offer yours.  It’s cliche but sometimes that’s all you can do.  I know you may want to “fix” things but grieving takes time and can’t be fixed.

Post # 10
Member
213 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

RIP little guy πŸ™ I am so sorry, bee.

Your Fiance said it best… you saved your pup from a bad home and gave him so much love. I totally agree with you that the joy and love we get from our pets outweighs the difficulty of the grief we feel when we lose them.

Give your Fiance the time he needs to grieve. It’ll take time. I agree with PPs… just be there for him. Big hugs to you both.

Post # 11
Member
836 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

I am so sorry for yalls loss.  Pets really are family.  It sounds like you are doing the best you can for your Fiance right now.  Just let him know that you are there for him, and that you miss the pup too.  You and Fiance will both need time to grieve.  Hugs, Bee!

Post # 12
Member
4371 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

I’m so sorry for your loss. He looks like he had such a wonderful, happy home with you guys. Look at his little smile in those photos! You did such a great thing giving him warm, safe years.  

Post # 13
Member
299 posts
Helper bee

I am so sorry. You already did so much by doing all the hard things so your Fiance wouldn’t have to. That was very thoughtful and selfless of you putting your Fiance before yourself. I’m sure he is very grateful to have you to do those things and support him. 14 is a very long and full life for a dog and it sounds like you gave him a wonderful one. ((hugs))

Post # 15
Member
5938 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

View original reply
herrera2016:  I am so so sorry for your and your FI’s loss. It’s terrible to lose a pet and especially to lose one in such a traumatic way. There’s not much you can do but let him grieve. It will definitely get better with time. Maybe in the future, if you want, you can suggest some sort of memorial. Plant a tree, donate to a shelter in his honor, get a tattoo with his picture (if he’s the tattoo type), buy a memorial necklace or bracelet. It’s just so difficult to lose a pet. And yes, he had a great life with you so your Fiance did GREAT in saving him! I’ve seen those pets on Etsy, too! They’re super adorable!

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