(Closed) How to help my friend walk away from an abusive relationship?

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
8114 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

It’s not unusal for it to take more than one attempt to leave.  Maybe you could start by sharing the DV hotline info with her http://www.thehotline.org and letting her know you’re there for her.

You can help her make her escape plan, getting all of her necessary documents in order, etc without her husband finding out.

Is there  DV facility in your area?  You could go with her for moral support.  They usually offer counseling & guidance on how to escape.

Being there for her is so important.  She’ll need someone to give her reality checks when he starts trying to pull her back in.


Post # 4
678 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - SPRING VALLEY COUNTRY CLUB

Ok, I think it’s great you are there to support her through this. But…she’s got to be ready to go on her own.

I was in a abusive relationship for 6 years myself. And no matter how many black eyes and brusies i had…i didn’t leave until i was ready.

I had to say enough was enough. My ex was the biggest ahole on the planet!!! So when i finally got a taste of my freedom and started to feellike myself again….it was enough for me to be like I AM FOREVER DONE!!!!

As long as she leaves for good suport her. But she can’t keep going back and forth.


Post # 5
6113 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

Just be there to help and support her when she decides to leaves…and actually goes through with it. You can’t “help” her leave though. She has to be ready and want to leave on her own. I know this because my best friend was in an abusive relationship once and even though she knew I hated the guy and how awful he was, she only left when she really felt ready.

Post # 6
286 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@Sassy9226:  I believe everything @sassy411: just said and thats what I would do too. But as previous posters have said its up to her. My best friend had to go through this and it took her years to fully commit. Your friend needs to make the choice but you are doing exactly what a friend should do and loving her and being there for her no matter what!

Post # 9
8114 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

She needs to get into a DV shelter, in that case.  Please call the hotline for help.

The magic number is 7 attempts to leave–7.  So there is hope for your friend,

Post # 10
46 posts

@Sassy9226:  Is your friend in Canada or the US? In the US there are DVPOs (domestic violence protective orders) which protect people from being contacted by their abusers. This is a CIVIL action, not criminal, so it’s not pressing charges, it is just an order that says “do not contact me” and if it is violated the abuser can be arrested. It can be a good deterrant for some abusers who have a lot to lose being arrested/having a DVPO violation on their record.

The best thing you can do for your friend is continue to support her in whatever decision she makes in order to keep the line of communication open. She has to be ready to go. Since she says she is, it would be helpful to connect her with some local domestic violence resources. If you can share what area/province you’re in I may be able to help you locate the closest resources. I cannot understate the importance of helping her find a SAFE place to go when she leaves because we know that the time after a victim leaves is often the most dangerous.  

Post # 12
232 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

What everyone has said is right…I had at least 5 friends telling me to leave and yet I couldn’t truly leave until I was ready. No amount of pep talks, lectures or caring comments (despite the fact they were coming from a heartfelt place and we’re true) could have made me walk out that door a second before I came to the realisation myself that I’d had enough. It’s hard but all you can do is listen to your friend and support her when she finally does leave.

Post # 13
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I don’t know whether it’s possible but maybe going on a trip for a week to get away from him or something? I think its key what PP said about ‘feeling herself again’.

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