- 2 years ago
My younger sister (21) had her first baby 7 weeks ago. She’s living with my mum, hasn’t had a steady/proper job for years and was not in a relationship with the guy. My sister, has always acted a lot younger than her age and I always worried she’d end up in this situation. My family are very traditional and so couldn’t really understand or believe why she wanted to keep the baby.
At first, I, along with the rest of my family thought she was doing really well with my niece but recently – I discovered from my mum that she spends most of her days out with friends, sipping on G&Ts and spending, I guess, maternity or government money on financing this social life. She’s asked my mum a number of times to look after my niece so she can have a night out, as all she wants to do is have a night out and my mum has agreed however feels that her priorities aren’t where they should be.
She’s now saying that the baby can stay with her friend’s mum so she can have a night out…my mum isn’t happy about this and wants my sister to wake up and realise that you can’t just dump a 7 week baby with anyone. In fact, tonight my mum was in tears as she felt that my sister is being incredibly selfish and not focùsing on the baby. My sister text her tonight and said she was going to stay at a friends house with the baby, even though she’s just started putting her in a cot, Mum said that she was worried about where she was staying and who she was with. Her room at my mum’s house is really not great. My brother, mum and I spent a whole night cleaning and tidying it so she could have a cot in there and the state of it was disgusting. My parents are separated but my Dad has said my sister needs to be careful and look after the baby.
I, as always, got involved as I wanted my sister to try and see that she needs to realise that her life has now changed and she’s had a beautiful baby but it’s ended up in a very dramatic argument where she now wants nothing to do with me as apparently we are all deluded and disgusting.
I have recently had an abortion, told very few people of course but knew it was the right thing as my partner and I are not together and my heart is with my career and travelling (selfish I know) my sister threw this in my face during the argument and said I couldn’t talk about how to bring up a baby. I explained that I had chosen not to keep it as I wasn’t ready to give up other things in my life yet. This is not to say I think she should have had one, I had just hoped this would be a huge turning point for her and an opportunity for her to mature.
I am totally torn here. I don’t want to be cut out of my niece’s life but I can see my Mum’s concerns and worries about my sister’s lifestyle. How can I make things better and get her to see that we want to help and have genuine concerns?