How to honor a deceased parent?

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 16
Member
2630 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

DH’s mom passed a few months before our wedding.  It was still very fresh, so all we did and were comfortable with was putting a note on the bottom of our program that said “In Loving Memory of Jane Doe, Mother of the Groom”

Post # 17
Member
2427 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

Slomotion, you are a caution!

I have always been certain that a wedding is not a funeral, and I never saw the point of remembering the dead at weddings. Such a focus. Do we have memorial observances at every event? Well maybe some do. I don’t go for it. A paragraph in the program is enough. Something others don’t know about, like a photo charm in the bouquet. But reminders throughout is too much, verging on making the wedding day a sad day. 

There was nothing at my small wedding to mention my dad, who was dead going on 4 years at the time. Only my mom, who was thinking about him all the time, and his sister. 

Post # 18
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2018

We have a couple of deceased loved ones we want to honor during our wedding. My dad died a year ago, my grandpa who I was extremely close with died when I was 12 and his grandpa he was close to died when he was 22. We plan on having a table of pictures of them. 

Post # 19
Member
588 posts
Busy bee

I went to a wedding recently where the groom had lost his father a year ago. 

After the church service his family had picked up his dad little van which he used to always drive and dressed up with flowers and a ‘just married’ sign. The bride and groom came out the church to see it – it was a surprise they had no idea. They loved it and drove it to the reception. 

At the reception they had a table full of photos of him and had a sign saying something along the lines of ‘you still live within us’. 

I didn’t even know the man and yet it bought a tear to my eye when I saw all the photos – but I’m super emotional. 

Post # 20
Member
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

We had a Catholic ceeremony, and as part of that ceremony we have the Prayers of the Faithful. It is a traditional part of that portion of the Mass to have a prayer honouring love ones that have died; so, we mentioned my grandfather,  and my husband’s uncle and grandmother. We knew they were with us in spirit, and we knew that family members appreciated it. 

I would suggest something like that perhaps be included in your ceremony, or otherwise noting it on the program. 

 

 

Post # 21
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017 - Preservation Park, Oakland CA

Both my parents passed away when I was young, and we did a couple things to honor them at our wedding. First when they introduced our families, my aunt and uncle stepped in to help us with the wedding and the DJ said “*aunt and uncle’s names* on behalf of *parent’s names*”. My wedding ring uses the diamond from my mom’s wedding ring so that’s a major way we incorporated them and I also wore one of her bracelets on the big day. Our last dance song was their first dance song, and we played one of my mom’s favorite songs “Burn Rubber on Me” for her friends to dance to.

It definitely can get emotional planning a wedding without your parent(s) here….hang in there though! I’m sure you guys will find a great way to honor them at your wedding.

Post # 25
Member
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

arriaza415 :  It was a very nice part of the ceremony for us.  I would suggest asking your Fiance if that’s something he’d like to include, and then maybe bring it up with your officiant. 

We basically said their names, then added a separate part to remember those who were grieving with: “and for those who most keenly feel their absence at this time of joy.” 

 

Post # 27
Member
2169 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: Cathedral of the Immaculate Conception/The Gallery

My best friend’s dad died 8 or so years ago, and when she got married this past May, she had some photos taken in his “signature” jacket he wore a lot, and then her mom (who is remarried), placed the jacket on the back of a chair in the family row (before the ceremony, so no big public show), so he was “there”. It was sweet and subtle. 

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