How to honor my late mother at my wedding and not bawl?

posted 1 year ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
1056 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1995

I would do her photo in a locket ribbon wrapped around your bouquet.

Hugs to you.  

Post # 3
Member
3583 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

veganjenni :  you could do the necklace with her ashes wrapped around your bouquet. it’s subtle and won’t be noticeable to most others. i went this route – i gave my brother’s bandana to my florist to use as my bouquet wrap itself, and then also gave her my dog’s collar that she pinned around it as well. neither “went” with my bouquet but you don’t see the wrap in any pictures. we also had a table set up where the card box was with a sign that said “always in our hearts” with pics of DH’s parents, my brother, and my dog

Post # 4
Member
1296 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

catskillsinjune :  I second this. Wrap her ashes around your bouquet. I’m so sorry for your loss.

Post # 5
Member
71 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2019

I like your ideal of the butterflies and your necklace with the ashes in it.  You could wrap the necklace around your bouquet it you didn’t want to where it.  It’s a nice “something blue”.

Both my mom and my Fiance mom have passed.  I originally wanted to have a seat saved next to my dad for my mom, but don’t think it is going to work with the venue (front row may be needed for elderly and disabled people).  We are having an arrangement of my mom’s and Fiance mom’s favorite flowers on an alter table for the ceremony (and then move it to the head table for the reception). That will be mentioned in our wedding programs with a loving tribute.   I have a small white bible my mom carried on her wedding day.  I’m going to carry it and use it during the ceremony.  

We have photos of our moms for the guest table with a sign saying “We know you’d be here today if heaven weren’t so far away”. You could also have a special song played in honor of your mom.  We considered this but feel we have it covered with the flowers and pictures.  

I will be taking some of the flowers from the wedding and my bouquet to my mom’s grave after the wedding (on our way out of town on our honeymoon).  I won’t have a photographer there but it’s just something I want to do.  

Hope it helps.  No matter what you do, your mom will be there in spirt.  

Post # 6
Member
548 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I just wanted to say I’m so very, very sorry for your loss.  I can’t even imagine.  I think the necklace wrapped around your bouquet sounds really special and lovely.  It also is probably something that not a huge number of people will notice or say anything about, so would hopefully not lead to unwanted comments.  Sending big hugs to you, bee.    

Post # 7
Member
25 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2018

You can get little picture lockets that go on your bouquet, or have them on a pin (I got mine from etsy). If you didnt want it on your bouquet you could maybe pin it somewhere on your dress that you would know about but not everyone could see/would ask. I’ve got my fiance a pin with a pic of his mum and a little poem which he can either put outside his suit as part of his buttonhole/corsage or keep it in his suit pocket. Doesn’t matter if/who sees it as long as he knows it is there.

Post # 8
Member
47 posts
Newbee

Lots of hugs to you. I lost my father about a year before my wedding and it was so difficult. I had a necklace with his ashes that I wore. We also brought him along and he had the first seat in the first row. My mother also got a bouquet of flowers in memory of him and put it on the alter. I also had a window made that said “We know you’d be here today if heaven wasn’t so far away” and my father in law made a stand for it. It was placed at the curve of the walkway. However when we were rehearsing I literally saw it and hit the ground cause it was so many emotions happening at once. So I had the ushers move it out of my sight before I walked down. We also put a little something in the program at the ceremony. (Funny side story..when the wedding was over and we were getting ready to pack up…a friend walked over to my husband and said uh I think you left something out there, and my husband asked him to grab it. When he came back I said “oh thanks you got my Dad for me!” The look on his face was utter shock once he noticed what he was holding.  It’s not a normal urn, its just a wooden box with his picture on top.)

As for your necklace, I think if you don’t want to wear it, wrapping it around your bouquet might be an option. I have also seem where girls have had a little piece of their clothing sewed into a heart inside the bottom of their dress. However you decide to honor her I’m sure she would love it. The picture idea seems really cool too..if its easier for you maybe have someone hand you the picture frame so you don’t see it. Also the Etsy necklace idea seems really awesome too, hopefully you find something handwriting!

One thing that was very special to me though was being able to “reserve” a seat for him. After everything got going and moving I wasn’t thinking as much about it. My photographer did take a picture with my necklace and his box and my flowers and stuff. The photographer had my cousin ask me for the necklace cause she didn’t want me to make me emotional, but I knew he was there with me and he was celebrating right by me. My dad was always cracking jokes so that how we try and act when we talk about him.

Just remember that she will be there. Hope all goes well. **Hugs**

Post # 9
Member
224 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I had my florist string my grandmothers pearls into my bouquet, they were easily removed after the wedding. Maybe you can do that with the necklace of ashes? 

Post # 10
Member
1866 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

A photo of the both of you on your cake table?

My husband in his wedding speech that brought the house down. Did a toast to all the people who we wouldn’t be here today without. He named our grandparents and we got many tears from family. However they thanked him for mentioning them.

Post # 11
Member
902 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

When I got married , I did two things : a locket/charm hanging from my bouquet with a picture of my father in it, and also, I used one of his blue shirts and cut out the small ones shape of a spider and sewed it into the hem of my dress (“finding a spider on your wedding dress brings a bride good luck”).  Both were small, personal ways to remind me of his presence and honor his memory.  Also of course his name was on our invitations and programs and what not. Hugs bee! I’m so sorry your mom isn’t there with you.  

Post # 12
Member
8264 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

veganjenni :  

Just choose something , preferably fairly  private that really speaks  to you of her such as the necklace on the bouquet as pps have suggested .

Don’t bother about whether it goes with anything or is ‘wedding  jewellery’ or  whether its unique or what to do with it afterwards.   I don’t think its a good idea to do graveside stuff or empty chairs and such like  public displays either  but that’s just me.

She  was your beloved mother, just have something  close to your  heart,  like she will always be  

Post # 13
Member
79 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

My Dad passed away in January and FH’s Mom passed away a few years ago. I am wearing a necklace w/my Dad’s ashes in it, so he’ll still be with me on my walk down the aisle, but we are also reserving two seats for each of them with their pictures. 

Post # 14
Member
335 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

veganjenni :  It doesn’t feel quite right because to do a memorial at a wedding is odd, to be blunt.  Have a picture of her in a charm attached to your bouquet if you want, incorporate her favorite flower in your bouquet, wear a ring of hers.

Your emotions (and others around you) will be heightened, so please tread carefully here.  People could be busting out in tears at your wedding, and not for the reasons you want.

I know I am in the minority here but I am not a fan of memorials at weddings.  I did not turn Aunt Flora’s funeral into a bridal shower so don’t turn my wedding into a funeral!

Post # 15
Member
1479 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

I’ve heard of some girls asking their seamstress to sew a little tiny pocket somewhere into their dress, and you could put your mother’s ashes or a keepsake in it so she can be a part of your whole day?

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