(Closed) How to honor my lgbtq friends during my (mostly) heteronormative wedding. (TMI?)

posted 6 years ago in LGBTQ
Post # 3
5220 posts
Bee Keeper

@HelleCat:  I don’t think you should reference it. Your friends and family probably already know about this side of you enough to know it’s there without it being mentioned. 

Post # 4
664 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I am a big supporter of the LGBTQ movement and so is my Fiance.  We are hetero, but have good friends and family who are gay. 

We live in MD and wanted to show support of the marriage ammendment, so we have made a donation to Equality Maryland and will be priting that in our programs along with something like “we support the equality of love” (something cutesty without being too political). 

Could you do something like that? It may be to subtle for you. 

What about changing into leathers for the end of the party?

Post # 5
277 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Your wedding is about your current relationship with your SO.  It’s not about your past relationships, and it’s certainly not about other people’s relationships.  This seems unnecessary to me.  You’re happy to be marrying your SO.  You should just celebrate that.

Post # 6
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’d definitely leave the kink out–what happens in the bedroom may not stay there, but it probably shouldn’t be at a wedding, either! I like the idea of putting something in the program, or even in the ceremony, about how you wish everyone had the same rights to marriage.

Post # 7
13251 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Um, I don’t think your “kinks” (your word) need to be a focal point of your wedding.  Really, it should be about uniting you and your husband, not the fact that you like to dress up in leather your past sexual history.  Guests at your wedding shouldn’t feel slighted because they are LGBTQ any more than your straight guests should.   To be honest, if you did something, I’d be uncomfortable, because as a friend/family member, I don’t need to know those private experiences you share with someone else.

Post # 8
3697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Wear your boots under your dress and make a donation to your favorite charity instead of favors.  I don’t think you need to be “out there” for a wedding.  You said your relationship is “normal” so your wedding should represent who you are, now.  Many bees have made a point to ensure that all their vendors support marriage equality, etc, and that’s something you could do as well. 

Post # 9
9139 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

I found that the idea of a basket with white knots and a nicely framed message about them is a great nod to the LGBT community regarding marriage equality without being in the face of the less open minded crowd. http://www.whiteknot.org/

I also like the It Gets Better Project. Donations to their organization supports youth in the LGBT community in an effort to end bullying of LGBT youth.  http://www.itgetsbetter.org/pages/about-it-gets-better-project/

Post # 10
5147 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m straight, but in my opinion the wedding is about the 2 people getting married. And that doesn’t change; there needn’t be any special fanfare if you are straight, bi, gay, etc. Just celebrate 2 people in love.

Post # 12
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@beachbride1216:  +1, I think the white knots are a great way to show your support for marriage equslity without taking the focus off the purpose of the day.

Post # 14
228 posts
Helper bee

I don’t think you need a nod to kink, but something about marriage equality would be appropriate. Dan Savage wrote about a reading I liked in his column (obvi this one relationship doesn’t make you straight, but it’s good advice for your “straight” wedding:) 


Last weekend the boyfriend-in-America/husband-in-Canada and I attended the wedding of some dear straight friends. We weren’t the only ‘mos: There were “a number of people in attendance [without] access to the rights” our straight friends were signing up for. And all us homos were delighted to be there and deliriously happy for our friends, and not one of us would’ve asked them to wait to marry until gay marriage is legal in all 50 states—something that isn’t going to happen until 2024, according to number-crunchin’ superstar political blogger Nate Silver (tinyurl.com/cn58xy). That’s when the final holdout—Mississippi—will finally legalize same-sex marriage.

Here’s what I think straight couples should do in the meantime, HTRC: Get married, make a donation to the fight for marriage equality, and encourage your guests to do the same…. And in addition to throwing some money equality’s way, HTRC, consider lifting one of the readings from our friends’ ceremony.

“Marriage is a vital social institution,” the reading began. “The exclusive commitment of two individuals to each other nurtures love and mutual support. Civil marriage is at once a deeply personal commitment to another human being and a highly public celebration of the ideals of mutuality, companionship, intimacy, fidelity, and family. Because it fulfills yearnings for security, safe haven, and connection that express our common humanity, civil marriage is an esteemed institution and the decision whether and whom to marry is among life’s momentous acts of self-definition.”

So touching, so true, and so universal—who could argue with those sentiments? Everyone at the wedding was nodding. The reading continued…

“It is undoubtedly for these concrete reasons, as well as for its intimately personal significance, that civil marriage has long been termed a ‘civil right.’ Without the right to choose to marry, one is excluded from the full range of human experience.”

After the reading—which was done by a gay friend of the couple—the officiant identified the source: It was from the 2003 Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court decision that legalized same-sex marriage in that state. It was a lovely gesture: The gay couples at the wedding were touched and the hetero couples were reminded of the injustice that gay couples face. It would be wonderful if this passage from the Massachusetts court’s ruling on marriage equality caught on as a wedding reading.


Post # 16
508 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@HelleCat:  Just wanted to say that I know what you mean – I’m pansexual and in a hetereonormative relationship, so I totally get how you don’t see yourself as being in a “straight marriage.” I think there have been some great suggestions from PPs and I’ll second them.

Also, for laffs I googled “kinky wedding.” And got of porn with terrible lighting.  And then there was this photo, which I’m surprised hasn’t popped up in threads for unatural bridal party photo poses:

(uh, I guess I should put a warning for mock blowjobs ahead):


(heh, ahead

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