Post # 1
Without getting into my rather confusing sexuality…Let’s just go with I’m not straight and neither is my SO. We both cross dress on occassion (it’s a kink for us, not anything else), we have both had long term relationships with same sex partners. I was a rather out spoken figure in my local gay/leather/kink community for a long time.
Surprise, surprise, I fell into a pretty heteronormative relationship with SO. He works, I stay at home and take care of the house. (weird right?! lol! jk)
I’m not sure how to honor those parts of our lives without like…I dont know I dont want to be salacious about it in front of the more closed minded parts of our families.
But I don’t want to shove it under the rug either.
I don’t want to over whelm my LGBTQ friends with my family’s heteronormative culture either.
To put it out there, myself, my ex girlfriend and her daughter all marched in Pride a few years ago with the color guard, all three of us wore full leathers (with our boots at a spit shine thank you very much.). Make sense now?
Post # 3
@HelleCat: I don’t think you should reference it. Your friends and family probably already know about this side of you enough to know it’s there without it being mentioned.
Post # 4
I am a big supporter of the LGBTQ movement and so is my Fiance. We are hetero, but have good friends and family who are gay.
We live in MD and wanted to show support of the marriage ammendment, so we have made a donation to Equality Maryland and will be priting that in our programs along with something like “we support the equality of love” (something cutesty without being too political).
Could you do something like that? It may be to subtle for you.
What about changing into leathers for the end of the party?
Post # 5
Your wedding is about your current relationship with your SO. It’s not about your past relationships, and it’s certainly not about other people’s relationships. This seems unnecessary to me. You’re happy to be marrying your SO. You should just celebrate that.
Post # 6
I’d definitely leave the kink out–what happens in the bedroom may not stay there, but it probably shouldn’t be at a wedding, either! I like the idea of putting something in the program, or even in the ceremony, about how you wish everyone had the same rights to marriage.
Post # 7
Um, I don’t think your “kinks” (your word) need to be a focal point of your wedding. Really, it should be about uniting you and your husband, not the fact that you like to dress up in leather your past sexual history. Guests at your wedding shouldn’t feel slighted because they are LGBTQ any more than your straight guests should. To be honest, if you did something, I’d be uncomfortable, because as a friend/family member, I don’t need to know those private experiences you share with someone else.
Post # 8
Wear your boots under your dress and make a donation to your favorite charity instead of favors. I don’t think you need to be “out there” for a wedding. You said your relationship is “normal” so your wedding should represent who you are, now. Many bees have made a point to ensure that all their vendors support marriage equality, etc, and that’s something you could do as well.
Post # 9
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
I found that the idea of a basket with white knots and a nicely framed message about them is a great nod to the LGBT community regarding marriage equality without being in the face of the less open minded crowd. http://www.whiteknot.org/
I also like the It Gets Better Project. Donations to their organization supports youth in the LGBT community in an effort to end bullying of LGBT youth. http://www.itgetsbetter.org/pages/about-it-gets-better-project/
Post # 10
I’m straight, but in my opinion the wedding is about the 2 people getting married. And that doesn’t change; there needn’t be any special fanfare if you are straight, bi, gay, etc. Just celebrate 2 people in love.
Post # 11
I’m not talking about trotting my sexual history out infront of grandma.
And me being..well Queer? I’ve never really put a lable on it. Anyway, thats not in my past. It’s still part of me. Same with SO. We are not straight. This isn’t going to be a “straight” marriage.
I’m not sure how to word that correctly.
The reason I asked, Is my friends WILL ask. Not in a mean way mind you. But they might wonder why (if I dont come up with something..wording in the ceremony, I’m not sure) I did not touch or make a nod towards our alternative lifestyle in some way.
Post # 12
@beachbride1216: +1, I think the white knots are a great way to show your support for marriage equslity without taking the focus off the purpose of the day.
Post # 13
@beachbride1216: Oh that could be a great idea!
Maybe use the bi-pride flag in our colors too? I do like the idea of boots under my dress
Post # 14
I don’t think you need a nod to kink, but something about marriage equality would be appropriate. Dan Savage wrote about a reading I liked in his column (obvi this one relationship doesn’t make you straight, but it’s good advice for your “straight” wedding:)
Last weekend the boyfriend-in-America/husband-in-Canada and I attended the wedding of some dear straight friends. We weren’t the only ‘mos: There were “a number of people in attendance [without] access to the rights” our straight friends were signing up for. And all us homos were delighted to be there and deliriously happy for our friends, and not one of us would’ve asked them to wait to marry until gay marriage is legal in all 50 states—something that isn’t going to happen until 2024, according to number-crunchin’ superstar political blogger Nate Silver (tinyurl.com/cn58xy). That’s when the final holdout—Mississippi—will finally legalize same-sex marriage.
Here’s what I think straight couples should do in the meantime, HTRC: Get married, make a donation to the fight for marriage equality, and encourage your guests to do the same…. And in addition to throwing some money equality’s way, HTRC, consider lifting one of the readings from our friends’ ceremony.
“Marriage is a vital social institution,” the reading began. “The exclusive commitment of two individuals to each other nurtures love and mutual support. Civil marriage is at once a deeply personal commitment to another human being and a highly public celebration of the ideals of mutuality, companionship, intimacy, fidelity, and family. Because it fulfills yearnings for security, safe haven, and connection that express our common humanity, civil marriage is an esteemed institution and the decision whether and whom to marry is among life’s momentous acts of self-definition.”
So touching, so true, and so universal—who could argue with those sentiments? Everyone at the wedding was nodding. The reading continued…
“It is undoubtedly for these concrete reasons, as well as for its intimately personal significance, that civil marriage has long been termed a ‘civil right.’ Without the right to choose to marry, one is excluded from the full range of human experience.”
After the reading—which was done by a gay friend of the couple—the officiant identified the source: It was from the 2003 Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court decision that legalized same-sex marriage in that state. It was a lovely gesture: The gay couples at the wedding were touched and the hetero couples were reminded of the injustice that gay couples face. It would be wonderful if this passage from the Massachusetts court’s ruling on marriage equality caught on as a wedding reading.
Post # 15
@wilfred: Oh thats wonderful!
Post # 16
@HelleCat: Just wanted to say that I know what you mean – I’m pansexual and in a hetereonormative relationship, so I totally get how you don’t see yourself as being in a “straight marriage.” I think there have been some great suggestions from PPs and I’ll second them.
Also, for laffs I googled “kinky wedding.” And got of porn with terrible lighting. And then there was this photo, which I’m surprised hasn’t popped up in threads for unatural bridal party photo poses:
(uh, I guess I should put a warning for mock blowjobs ahead):
WARNING: MOCK BLOWJOBS AHEAD