(Closed) How to honor those who have passed away…

posted 12 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 3
331 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

All of FI’s grandparents have passed away, so we are having his parents light candles in memory of them. The program will probably have their names.

If I were you, and you’re really worried about it, I might have members of both of your families light candles in their memory, but maybe not put names in the programs. Maybe you can get candles customized with their names? That way, something is being done in their memory, but there’s not the awkwardness about how it’s perceived.

However, I don’t think you need to be worried, especially since you’re remembering several family members who have died… it would be pretty insensitive of your FI’s godfather or his new wife to expect that FI’s godmother be forgotten! And you’re not commenting on whether his godfather should have remarried, you’re just saying that FI’s godmother was close to you, and you are remembering her on your wedding day.

Post # 4
147 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Honoring the family members who won’t be there is important and I’m sure the godfather’s new wife would understand that.  If anything, perhaps your Fiance can mention to your godfather that you’d like to do that in the ceremony.

A few years ago, my friend was married and it was about 6 months after her mom died and about a year and a half after her groom’s father died.  SO, there were these very obvious and heartbreaking absences in the ceremony (I cried during the whole thing, I mean BAWLING, and as a bridesmaid too, ugh).  They didn’t mention the parents in teh ceremony, because I think it would have been too hard, but they did have a whole page in the program with pictures of them and a message to them and that they are missed and loved.  It was really sweet. 

Post # 5
221 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I would definitely still mention your godmother. She was an important person to you, and even if her husband remarried, he will still love that you acknowledged her.

Both of our grandmothers remarried and we are still mentioning our grandfathers. We are keeping it simple, a mention during the service and in the program.

Post # 7
59 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

We are still trying to figure out the best way to honor our deceased family members through our wedding. Actually, a lot of family won’t be with us that day – we are keeping it to immediate family. So, we were thinking of having one candle lit through the ceremony & then transported to the reception. We will add something like "this candle is lit to honor our loved ones as we celebrate today"

Post # 8
7 posts
  • Wedding: October 2009

We want to honor FI’s two grandparents who are gone, and my "third grandma" (my cousin’s grandma who was very close with our family) and my best friend from college, I am thinking of doing roses on empty chairs in the front row, a mention of "those who cannot be with us today" in the ceremony, and a In Memory page in the program. I also made a bouquet charm with little angel wings for a picture of my friend, because she would have been my maid of honor if she was still with us.

Also, I want to do a Heritage Table with pictures from grandparents’ and parents’ weddings, and am going to make luminaries with photos of the people who have passed.

I don’t plan to actually say or do anything, because I don’t think I would be able to keep it together, but I wanted to make sure we acknowledged the impact these people had on our lives.

Post # 9
735 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

One thing to consider is how raw emotions are.  My officiant had suggested a moment of silence during the ceremony (had already written it in).  Well, I went to a wedding a couple of weeks ago and burst into tears just reading the memorial statement they had for lost loved ones in their program.  We nixed the moment of silence b/c we figured that probably no one in my family would be able to keep their composure with our loss being so recent.  We put a statement into the program without mentioning any names. I think there are a lot of ways to do this, just a reminder to keep the circumstances in mind.

Post # 10
1581 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

My brother’s wedding we had a boquet of flowers on the table next to the guest sign-in book that had a ribbon tied around the vase with the pictures of our grandparents that have passed on.  It was blaringly noticeable by everyone but the bride and groom knew that it was there.  They then took it home after the wedding as a keepsake.

Post # 11
17 posts

We put a potted Rosemary bush on the program table.

Next to it was a sign that said,

"In memory of: Listed our grandparents names

Rosemary is the herb of rememberance

Mrs and Mrs Library will one day plant this in their garden"

 My grandmother passed away less then six months before the wedding.  I also wore her wedding band on my right hand.


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