Post # 1
My Fiance and I are in our late twenties, and we had planned to pay for our wedding ourselves. We set our budget at $10K and got our planning underway. My mom then offered to pay for two big-ticket items – my dress and the catering & drinks for the reception. Hooray, lovely, right? Since she’s paying for the catering, she also suggested we change a few things (we were going to have a beer & wine bar only, she wanted to up it to the full open bar; she also added on a kid’s buffet and an extra coffee station with fancy flavors & whipped cream & what not). So the catering bill increased significantly, but she was the one pushing the changes, so I didn’t think too much of it. But in the end, she’s putting down a significant chunk of change for our wedding.
So – the situation with the rest of our family (my dad and FPIL) is that they are on some hard financial times. Fiance and I did not expect or plan on having family contributions, so we’re completely fine with them not putting any money towards the wedding. FI’s family would love to contribute more financially, but they just can’t, and we want to be very sensitive to that and include them in helping with non-financial things as much as we can.
My question is, is there a way for me to honor/recognize my mom’s contribution to the wedding without making dad or FPIL feel bad? I have heard in the past that the parents who pay for the wedding are typically indicated by the language on the invitation, but I don’t want to do that. It would be way too obvious and make dad and FPIL feel uncomfortable. The only thing I can think of would be to give my mom some sort of gift in return, but I’m having trouble coming up with what would make a good thank you gift for this.
Post # 3
Im in the same boat! I cant wait to see what people say or ideas they have.
I was thinking of giving my mom a special gift before the wedding with an extremly long card thanking her with the gift. Then making a general announcement thanking the people who have helped make this day special with her at the top of the list.
Post # 4
@FaceReality: That’s along the lines of what I’m thinking, too. I had originally thought about having my mom make a little “welcome” speech at the reception, but a) that sounds like it could be a pain for her, not an honor, and b) it would be pretty obvious if we did that.
I like the idea of my Fiance and I giving a quick thank-you speech, and thanking all four of our parents for their help, especially if we can make it funny!
Post # 5
We are in the same boat. My parents gave us $10,000 for our wedding and FI’s parents haven’t given us anything. I know his parents have less financial freedom than my parents and i don’t want them to feel bad because they didn’t contribute financially to the wedding but, i do feel my parents deserve some sort of recognition or gift. I am thinking after the wedding we are going to sell some things like the dress, linens and centerpieces. Also with a cash bar we should make some money back. With that all that said i would like to get them a vacation to hawaii or something because they never had a honeymoon and we are having one and it doesn’t seem fair after all they have done for us and the wedding. So my idea is a vacation for them as a present in return for all the help.
Post # 6
- Wedding: October 2011 - Tre Bella, Mesa, AZ
Same thing here, and I have no idea! 🙂 My mom and her hubby gave us $4k and it will likely be the only contribution besides our own. I’d love more ideas.
Post # 7
Bump – I want to see if we can get some more suggestions!
Post # 8
I think I’m just going to put a little note in my programs thanking my mother for all of her hard work. I’ve been trying to plan my wedding in NY from NC and she did all of the legwork for me. She states I’m just lucky that she broke her arm because it freed her up to make all of those phone calls. So I think I’ll thank her and my stepdad in the program for all they’ve done and then make a little thank you speech for all involved.
FI’s parents haven’t made any contributions to the wedding but they did pay for our honeymoon. Would it be out of line not to do some sort of tribute to them? Of course we’ll buy them a nice gift and thank them but I dont’ feel it’s appropriate to do so in the setting of our wedding?