(Closed) How to honor/remember FFIL who is deployed

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1379 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

This one is hard because you don’t want it to appear as if he is decesased as he is still alive and fighting for our country!  (Thanks to him!)  What if you tried to get a video message taped of him with a toast?  You could ask someone to do it for you so that it would be a surprise to you as well?  Or if not a surprise to you perhaps a surprise to your fiance?

Hmm – other then that I think the usual of making sure his name is still prominent on the wedding program, and as for announcing his wife – if she wants she could still be announced as "Mrs. John Smith escorted by her son – Bobby Smith – Mr. John Smith is currently serving our country overseas but sends his love and congratulations to the bride and groom."

I would also think of dedicating a song to him or trying to figure out a way for your fiance to be able to call him or have him call you all — I’m not sure if that is at all possible depending on where he is located and if he actually "on duty".

I’ll try to think of some others! 

Post # 4
1379 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

Also — I dont know if your wedding is in a church or not (and therefore if this would look completely out of place) but perhaps just having an American flag located in the corner of the room would remind you and your guests of the sacrifice he is making?

Post # 5
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

Does your fiance want him mentioned? Or is this just something nice you’re trying to do for him? Does it matter whether it is a public or a private acknowledgement?

I like the idea of announcing where he is. A videoed recording to play at the reception is such a sweet idea. Is there some way you could like, video-conference that day? Call him on Skype at your reception?

His mom can be Mrs. John Smith or Mrs. Nancy Smith–I would ask her how she would like to be introduced.

Post # 6
6009 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

My little sister is currently deployed in Iraq, and we’re not sure if she will be back in time for the wedding.  We wanted to include her anyway, though, so we still put up her picture (with the rest of the family photos) on our wedding website with message that she is currently serving overseas and that she’s in our thoughts and prayers.  If she’s not back at the time of the wedding, we’ll also put a little blurb in our program explaining where she is and that she is in our hearts at this time.  We’ve also talked about streaming the ceremony live on our wedding website so she could still watch it as it’s happening, but doing this will depend on whether she’s out on a convoy at the time.

I think the idea of a pre-taped video toast is really sweet, as well as the suggestion of calling him on Skype during the reception. 

Post # 7
2434 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Could you maybe ask him to pick a reading and then having Future Brother-In-Law read it on his behalf?

As for the introduction- I would just say, "Introducing Future Mother-In-Law Latte Love escorted by her son Future Brother-In-Law standing in for his dad who is serving our country."

Would you consider saying the pledge at the start of your reception in honor of his service?

What about singing God Bless America as one of your hymns during the ceremony and announcing that it’s in honor of your Future Father-In-Law who is serving and couldn’t be at the ceremony?

I like the toast idea- if you can’t get it pre-recorded, perhaps just have someone read it on his behalf?

Post # 10
208 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

@ MightySapphire.  Thanks for the great Navy info.  My brother is a lieutenant in the Navy and even though we planned our wedding based on his deployment schedule,  his orders got changed and he can’t be there 🙁  I’m not really sure what you mean by command crest but would love to use that idea.  Is it just an icon or is it something more concrete.  How do I find it??

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