- 8 years ago
- Wedding: December 1969
I appologize in advance for the a long post but I need to say this.
I’ve been with my husband for over 6 years now. Sex has been mediocre for more than 4 years. We barely have sex (maybe once a month) and we rarely have intercourse. Last year, I counted and we had intercourse twice. This year we have managed to have intercourse once. It’s always oral sex or handjobs with him. There is absolutely no intimacy, we barely kiss or touch. We ALWAYS do the same thing.
He’s a great guy. I have never loved anyone as much as I love him. No one can makes me laugh like he does. We get along great. We support each other tremendously. When I decided to start my own business, he was my biggest supporter. I wouldn’t have done it without him. He’s also very thoughtful and giving. He doesn’t go anywhere without bringing back something for me. And in our daily life, he’s very affectionate.
This is why it’s so hard for me to accept that our sex life is so bad. I’ve initiated sex. I wear sexy lingerie. I plan “date night”. I bought books, games, toys, accessories, you name it. I’ve tried numerous times to bring the subject, by asking him what I could do to spice things up, despite the fact that I think he is to blame for how things are. As bad as it sounds, I need to say this but my husband is basically lazy when it comes to sex. He expects me to do everything. When he wants sex, he won’t initiate foreplay; he just takes my hand and puts it on his penis. Then he lays back as I “do the job”. When it’s finished, he turns and “does me”. Again, no touching, no kissing, no talking, nothing… just a job. I feel more like a glorified street girl when I’m with him. I feel almost dirty and ashamed.
But I’m just angry now. I need sex and intimacy. Real sex, not just blowjobs and handjobs. I’m tired of being the one who always forces the issue. I try to spare his feelings and I always put the focus on what I can do to improve our sex life. But I can’t anymore. I just feel like I will never ever again know the feeling lust, desire, and intimacy.
I’ve been racking my brain to try to find a way of talking to him. I’ve never been afraid of having the “sex talk” and have always been vocal about what I want, but it doesn’t work with him. If I bring up the subject, he dismisses me by saying that he doesn’t think our sex life is bad, or that it’s a timing issue, he prefers it in the morning while I prefer it at night (not true by the way, I want it ANYTIME!!!)
I’ve considered writing him a letter explaining my feelings but it just seems strange. What do I do, just stand there while he reads it? I don’t want to hear his arguments. I want him to focus on what I have to say and my needs.
Unfortunately, we cannot consult with a sex therapist. We live in a remote fly-in only community with no access to such services.
Help me Bees!!! I’m at a point that as much as I love him, I am considering walking away.