(Closed) How to improve in the bedroom?

posted 6 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
951 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

First off, he should not be checking out other women in your presence.


Secondly, he should understand that you’re in a tough family situation. I’m sorry that you’re estranged from your parents. Have you tried reaching out to either of them?


But to focus on the question you asked, you two should try more foreplay. Also, try changing the location where you two actually have sex. A steamy moment on the kitchen counter could feel very adventurous, impulsive, and risque. If you’re feeling braver, then sneak into a restaurant or bar bathroom with him for a quickie. LOL, I do that with my hubby all the time.

Post # 5
114 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@bimmy:  I’m sorry you’re going through such a hard time right now.  I hope you start feeling better soon!

Your fiance is probably just feeling a little neglected. I think guys, more than women, use sex in a relationship as a way to feel intimate and connected, even comforted, so he may just be missing that feeling of closeness with you and unsure of how else to help you through this rough patch.   And, of course, guys tend to have stronger sex drives, so there’s that as well.  He could have been more sensitive with his timing or phrasing.  But at least he’s communicating, which is a good thing. 

I’m not as expirienced as my fiance either, so I totally understand being unsure of what to do, and that it’s easier just to let the guy initiate and follow his lead.  However, in talking with my guy I’ve found out that the boys can get insecure, too, and that’s why they appreciate the girl putting in more effort once in a while.  It reassures them that we find them attractive and desireable, which is a big thing for the male ego. 

I doubt he means that he wants you to suddenly become a total sex kitten/dominatrix.  But perhaps at one of those moments you feel like ripping his clothes off, tell him, or just do it.  Or at least give him a good long kiss with some meaningful eye contact, and he’ll probably get the hint.  Luckily for us shy types, it doesn’t take much to get guys going.

Above all, keep communicating! Perhaps ask your fiance for some ideas to try out in the future, no one knows better than he does what he likes.  I know it’s difficult and embarrassing to discuss sex stuff openly, even with a fiance.  Heaven knows I still blush and stammer, and I’ve been with mine 4 years!  But I guarantee that he will appreciate that you care enough to make the effort, and it will help strengthen your relationship overall.

Good luck!

P.s.  Don’t worry too much if you notice him “noticing” other girls. (As long as he’s not totally leering or ogling, that is.)  All guys do it, it’s how their little boy brains are wired.  A reflex, like when the doctor hits your knee with the little hammer.  They don’t even realize they’re doing it most of the time, and it honestly doesn’t mean a thing other than that they’re a normal, healthy male.  

Post # 6
7208 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

Your parents getting divorced is a big deal no matter what. Coupled with them not talking to you and the loss of your friend, you have been hit hard. I would really recommend looking into some counseling. Sometimes it’s REALLY helpful to talk to someone who isn’t part of your daily life.

As far as “doing more of the work” in the bedroom there are lots of things that can be fun for both of you. You could try a different position… if it’s new to BOTH of you, then your lack of experience won’t matter! You can also take time to focus just on him…. if you know what I mean. I know sometimes when I’m emotional or just tired and my SO tries to start I’ll just give it a go for a few minutes… making out or whatever foreplay…. and often I’ll be into it when I wasn’t at the beginning. Orgasms release all sorts of great hormones that make you feel good emotionally as well as physically!

Post # 7
516 posts
Busy bee

Sorry about the divorce!  My parents divorced last year and I am not even close to healed.

In response to your question . . . practice makes perfect!  I think what’s sexiest to men is when we are comfortable in our own skin, and actually enjoy the process.

First of all, learn what you like and don’t be afraid to ask for more of it.  Even if you think it’s weird- kisses on the back of your knees, a footrub, whatever!  If it turns you on, your Fiance will be thrilled to do it. 

Also, find out what he likes and tell him how much you want to learn to be the best at it.  If he likes doggy style, rock that out!  If he likes blowjobs, act like they’re your favorite activity!

Most of all, let sex be fun!  Don’t take it too seriously.


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