(Closed) How to include a special friend who will not be in the wedding party?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
213 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

My SIL had a friend who wasn’t a bridesmaid so they asked her to do a reading during the ceremony. She was also invited to the bachelorette party and other functions. For guys, you could ask them to be ushers during the ceremony but I like the idea of doing a reading or something special like that!

Post # 4
Member
67 posts
Worker bee

Yes, a reading is ideal.

Post # 5
Member
68 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

A reading would be the easiest way to include her without making a chore out of the duty. I chose close family that were not a part of the wedding party to do the readings at our church ceremony.

Post # 6
Member
735 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

If she is musical, you could ask her to sing or play a special song.  Otherwise, a reading is very nice.

I had a dear friend tell me she would be honored if I wore her wedding colors (though a different dress than her BMs) and asked me to sit in the front row with her parents & grandparents.  I was also part of the processional – with her mother, Mother-In-Law etc. That was touching.

Post # 7
Member
1041 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Reading, sing, or usher/usherette.

Post # 9
Member
735 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

There are several non religious poems and quotes that would be entirely appropriate for a non-religious ceremony.

This topic lists many options http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/secular-readings-post-your-faves

If you think that the item you had in mind might not be you friend’s style because she is religious, and you are not opposed to something with religious overtones, 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 is pretty popular for weddings.  It doesn’t specifically mention God, and it has a nice sentiment:

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

Post # 10
Member
462 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I had a good friend that I made AFTER I picked my bridesmaids. She was very special, I just didn’t want anymore bridesmaids.  I asked her to be an usherette and she was absolutely THRILLED! So that’s always an option!  

Post # 12
Member
2416 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think a reading is a great idea and plan to do the same!

Post # 13
Member
735 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@SageMustard:  Sorry I misunderstood!

In that case, I think that asking her to walk in with your family might be nice.  (And to sit with them, if there is room.)

In the south there is a tradition of having women other than just your bridemaids get ready with you, they sort of help you out with little things (like remebering where you left your key for the bridal suite!) too.  Although I live in the South now, I am a Yankee gal, so I can’t recall the name given to this honor, but perhaps another bee can help out here.  Although these women don’t have a role during the ceremony, they are often listed in the program.

If there are any special elements that you are planning on including as part of your ceremony, perhaps she could be involved in those.  (While it might not make sense to have her as part of a unity ceremony, if you were doing the wine box ceremony she could present you both with the bottle of wine, for example.)

If you really can’t figure out a way to honor her that “feels right” – then perhaps a toast during the reception and/or a gift at the rehearsal dinner would be a better fit.

Post # 14
Member
137 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

We had my brother and sister in law sign as our witnesses (which is done during the ceremony where I am), my other sister in law sang during the ceremony and my other sister and brother in law did a reading. We also had two friends who were close to us as our ushers.

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