How to include family in elopement

posted 3 months ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

Could you possibly have a tripod set up and skype them while you have the ceremony so they could watch. Are you talking about something like that?

Post # 4
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

Is there a reason you don’t want to have immediate family there too? I prefered to elope (just the two of us), but it was important to my future mother in law to be there, so we are having a small ceremony with our immediate family and best friends (18 people total). 

Post # 5
Member
871 posts
Busy bee

There are so many options in between a crazy-expensive wedding and the two of you eloping.

If the two of you have your hearts set on eloping then you should elope, maybe have something simple like a backyard BBQ or family dinner to celebrate when you get home? 

The only thing is- if you plan something for when you get back, no matter how informal, this will end up being the equivalent cost (for you, your Mother-In-Law or whoever is hosting) of a small, casual wedding- so if you’re not set on the idea of elopement, why not just have the small casual wedding? You could have an officiant come to your home or a family member’s home, have BBQ or cake and coffee or even potluck (some people on this site nix the potluck ideas but I love them)

I would usually tell the couple to do what they want, not be swayed by what those around them are wanting – and sometimes with toxic family members eloping is actually preferable. But in this instance you don’t seem strongly set on elopement and you say you’re close to your in-laws and hate the thought of your mother in law feeling sad, so under these circumstances I could see you regretting eloping and wishing you had gone with the small wedding option. If there are a bajillion extended relatives, you can still limit it to immediate family. 

Post # 6
Member
7002 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Are you choosing an elopement because you in your heart of hearts an elopement is the wedding you envision? Or just because you want to avoid the costs of a big wedding? Like others have mentioned, there are a lot of options out there for weddings that don’t have to be eloping OR spending $70k on a wedding. 

If you really want to elope by all means you should elope. If you had a toxic family or lots of turmoil surrounding your engagement I think an elopement is 100% the way to go. It sounds as though you both are close with your families and that leaves me questioning why you haven’t considered having just a small intimate ceremony to include them? 

You could hire an awesome videographer and that way they could see the wedding. They could write letters you guys could read and that would be caught on camera. Other than that I would say look into some ideas to have a small intimate ceremony w/ just immediate family (parents + siblings) and a nice dinner afterwards.

In my experience as a destination wedding photographer – who photographs weddings of ALL sizes including a lot of elopements – people who are confident in their decision to elope do not usually get worked up about whether or not family members will be upset. That makes me agree with a previous poster in that I could see down the road you regretting choosing an elopement and excluding your family.

Post # 7
Member
307 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

My spouse and I eloped locally so we could have immediate family and close friends involved. Our elopement ceremony consisted of our mothers and my best friend, and their best friend (neither of us have relationships with our “fathers”) , we then did a “reception luncheon” at a waterfront restaurant/bar type place and had our immediate family and more friends there, it was really fun and low stress, then after the luncheon those who wanted to continue the festivites joined us at our favorite neighborhood bar, and we danced and had a good time while the people who didn’t want to go out after could leave… the ONLY thing I wish I would have done different is extended the invite out to even more friends for the bar adventure but that honestly wasn’t part of the plan.. being spontaneous is fun though! =)

I had the best time!

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