(Closed) How to include FMIL in planning?

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
328 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I asked my Future Mother-In-Law how she would like to help. She is very crafty and offered to help with the flower arrangements. I sent her some pictures of what I wanted and she said she could do it, so I’m very excited about that!

You could ask her opinion on the invitations, or seating arrangements, or table decorations. There are so many different ways she could help–maybe just asking her would be a first step!

Post # 4
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

my Future Mother-In-Law is much more excited about the wedding than my actual parents, so she has been awesome and supportive.

I think the best bet is to let her know you would be glad to have her help, and keep her up to date on goings-on. You could still go shopping for accessories with her, as well as her dress, ask her opion about various things. I guess it really depends on how well you get along wtih her how much you want to share with her. 


Post # 5
334 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

My situation is the same – my Fiance is the eldest of three boys and I’ll be her first daughter-in-law.  My Future Mother-In-Law lives close to us, while my own parents are several states away.  I want to include her as much as possible, because she didn’t really get an active role in planning her own wedding (mother planned it for her) and I know she really wanted to share this experience with a daughter!

So far we’ve tried to keep her involved in decision making – she visited our venue with us before we signed the contract, and we ran our Save the Dates by her before we sent them off.  We also had a “bonding-moment” where she pulled out her preserved wedding gown and we took turns trying on the veil. 

I’m thinking as we get closer to the date I’ll try to get her involved in crafting things, since very few of my bridesmaids live nearby.

Good luck!

Post # 6
1415 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

This is a really good thread, as I hadn’t really thought about including Future Mother-In-Law, but you’re right, it’s the nice thing to do. I’ll see her over the holidays and ask her then how she would like to be involved. Luckily for me, she’s sweet as can be, so I’m sure she’ll just say “however I’m needed!” 

Post # 7
319 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I love my Future Mother-In-Law, but she is one of the least decisive people I’ve ever met. Planning a wedding for 150 in 100 days means NO TIME for dilly-dallying.

I haven’t figured out something to involve her with that would not involve planning/decision making… any ideas would be helpful!

Post # 8
573 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

My Future Mother-In-Law does have a daughter however her son will be the first to marry (and Future Sister-In-Law isn’t dating anyone or anything at this point, so no competition happening there) We’re including her in pretty much everything though, even things FI’s family isn’t paying for. For example, when we did venue tours we took my mom and Future Mother-In-Law, but it will be my family paying for the venue. 

Post # 9
2440 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@toshella: We’re the same way, my fiance is the oldest of 3 boys and the first to get married.

I love my Future Mother-In-Law so we’ve been trying to include her in anything we can.  They live about an hour from us but we had his parents come tour the venue with us.  I invited his mom dress shopping.  We invited her to cake tasting and are going to check out rehearsal dinner locations next week.  We’ve also just asked her opinion on different things (emailed her pictures, sample menu, etc.).

Post # 10
387 posts
Helper bee

My Future Mother-In-Law has one boy 🙂  So I’m it!  She’s as sweet as she can be and I am so excited to be her daughter.  She’s not a girly girl like me, so I don’t really know how to include her, other than going with her to pick out her dress and including her in the hair/makeup/pampering the day of (that’s part of my gift to her).  Her wedding, while happy, was not the best because her father died and her mother planned the whole thing (she was a crazy/obsessive/monster MOB, God rest her soul), so she doesn’t really like weddings.  I know Mr. LR will want to plan the rehearsal dinner, but maybe they can do it together.

Any other thoughts on how to include a non-girly, non-wedding FMIL?  

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