Post # 1
I have a friend I haven’t known very long, maybe 2 years? She’s become a very good friend though in a short period of time, and I really enjoy hanging out with her and I feel like we get along well.
Before I got engaged, I was thinking about asking her to be a BM. When the time finally came, I decided not to…the people I asked I’ve known for awhile (and therefore feel more comfortable asking to do stuff), plus my friend has a 1 1/2 year old and just graduated (so not a lot of time and I don’t want to burden her with the expense of a dress/alterations, plus whatever else would come along cost wise).
She’s been very excited for me about the wedding, and is going to come wedding dress shopping with me and my mom and wedding party (and is nice and super excited about that too). That all being said, I want to include her in the wedding somehow, if nothing else to be an acknowledgment of my valuing of her friendship, and wanting her to know that. So, I’m stuck on how to include her in the wedding. I don’t want to push her into a high time commitment or financial commitment, as both are not readily available right now. Any other thoughts? Or what else have other people done?
Post # 3
If I were you, I’d just keep her as involved as she wants to be (which is sounds like you’re totally doing), and think about giving her a small appreciation gift and a very thoughtful card right before the wedding, in which you express how grateful you are to have her in your life. If you want to have her involved on the day of the wedding, you should think about finding a small task for her like being a welcome attendant. This is what my MOH did for me at her wedding 4 years ago. We met and became incredibly close friends after she had started planning her wedding and chosen BMs. I was more helpful and involved in her planning than her MOH! She really wanted to have me involved on the day-of, so she asked me to welcome guests, help them get seated, and I even made sure that her aisle runner got put out (the site coordinator forgot!). I’m not sure this sort of duty will be perfect for you and you’re friend, but it’s a great example of how a small duty can be very nice! My MOH and I are now super close, and I love that I was able to help her at her wedding, even in a small way.
Post # 4
Thanks! I like those suggestions, especially the appreciation gift/thank you card.
it also seems like a really nice idea to have her do something the day of, so there will be no pre-planning required or much extra responsibility. 🙂
Post # 5
has she known you since dating/engagement? If so, I would suggest maybe asking her to do a reading or speech for your wedding and then giving her a special attendants gift. Being that supposrtive through a time such as this is very important and its great to have such a person by your side.
Post # 6
I think those are good suggestions. If you trust her to serve as a DOC, that’s be a really nice way of showing that you value her. Or just including her in the bridal prep stuff might be nice too. We’re getting ready in the bridal suite at the venue and I asked my FSIL (she’s married to FI’s older brother) to join us. She’s welcome to get her hair/make-up done with us, and to have lunch. So she’s not a BM because she and I didn’t get close until after I’d chosen people but she was really excited to be asked to at least be there for an important part of the day.
Post # 7
Are you having a church ceremony? I had a coupleof girlfriends who I have gotten close to alot of the past couple of years and have really supported me throughtout my engagement. I asked them to carry up the gifts so that it wasn’t a big commitment but a way of including them and then therefore they will be able to celebrate with us at the rehersal as well.
Post # 8
My MOH is moving to London 3 weeks before my wedding to go to grad school. It’s hard to be mad at her because I am so proud of her! (She is coming back for the wedding weekend.) But those 3 last weeks will undoubtedly be the crazy ones. BM #2 will be filling in on all MOH duties in those weeks. BMs #3 and #4 live in their own worlds, and BM #5 lives in CA. I have asked a co-worker with whom I have become close if she would help me in those last few weeks if needed. Nothing having to do with $, more like assembling OOT baskets, dropping them off, talking me off the ledge, etc. If I do end up needing her assistance, I am going to buy her the same kind of necklace that I got the BMs.